New Game

I hope everyone had a great holiday break. I sure did, and am not happy to be back in the grind.

All has been quiet on the movement for a more Femdom marriage. It clearly took a back seat to the more pressing events.

I've been reading The Mistress Manual: The Good Girl's Guide to Female Dominance. I purchased it with the thought of giving it to her to read for a variety of reasons. I believe she is not aware of how pervasive the alt lifestyle is in the world. Femdom, BDSM, Chastity, etc., are all areas she probably believes are extremely small. The more exposure she gets to that, the more it becomes "normal." (Please note that I used quotes for normal to convey the idea that the term is not helpful in describing real life. It's a shortcut that provides no meaning.)

I also purchased it to see if there were ways to convey to her a different perspective on the lifestyle, instead of strictly my version.

I thought it might be helpful in providing ideas.

I thought it might be helpful in persuading her into the lifestyle.

Now, I have not finished the book. I have only gone through the first couple of chapters. I find the book interesting to read, but I will not be giving it to me my wife.

The main problem is that the book is extremely focused on teaching a budding Femdom on how to create, plan, structure and enact scenes. It has a section on props, appropriate language, costumes etc. She is extremely against this type of scenario. She has less than zero interest in doing any of those things. She despises props and costumes. She freezes up, fails to function, and looses all sexual excitement when engaging is an acting play like this.

I know that when she sees the chapters, she will immediately dismiss the book and refuse to read it.

It's a shame, because the book does have good chapters on the psychology of Femdom/Submissive relationship, benefits, desires, etc.

Instead, I think I'm going to start a new Game like we did before. She's expressed a desire to do another game. It was brought up by her once, and she hasn't brought it up since, but at least she is the one who brought it up. That does show interest.

I think doing another game will give her an opportunity to experience the pleasures of being a Femdom. Again, more and more exposure to it will hopefully have her craving it more and more.

This is one of my favorite positions. I know she loves it too, though she's expressed before how she feels bad because she feels like she's smothering me. I want to scream "I KNOW AND I LOVE IT!!!" Actually, the one thing about this position that I truly love is that she gets so excited, she forgets about me. Her orgasms are so powerful, that when it hits, she goes completely wild on my face, without any care about my breathing, nose, lips, anything! Divine.

Photo Comment

I found this photo very interesting, but probably not for the same reasons that others do. But first, the obvious observations:

This is a very hot cuckolding scene. I'm not into real life cuckolding, but in the right setting, it can be a powerful fantasy, especially given my prediliction for FemDom. (But this is a post about the photo, not cuckolding.)

I like the major contrast in color in this photo. No color whatsoever, except for her red shoes. Red is the obvious choice for this color scheme, as red implies power for the woman, but also sensuality.

Not sure if I like the actual shoes though. Better than a stereotypical sky high red heel, but a worn sling back seems odd.

I like how she's obviously completely nude, but the photographer shows no nudity. Much more powerful than graphic nudity.

I like how she's touching him with only one shoe. It's an acknowledgment of his presence by her. It's like she's saying "even though you're not watching, you should be aware of me."

I like how he's turned away from her, apparently engrossed in his book, without acknowledging her presence, but he seems content and happy.

Her pose is great too. Completely relaxed, prone, comfortable, and enjoying her lover. Eyes closed, enjoying the kiss.

Subtle placement of his left thumb on her nipple (presumed, since you can't see the nipple, but that's what it looks like to me.)

I like how you can't tell what he's reading. The cover is blank, so you're left to wonder "what could possibly be in that book more interesting than what is happening right next to him!"

But now the odd things about the photo. Where in the heck is this taken? In the background, we see what appears to be a room with a TV hanging from the ceiling in the corner, like a hospital. Of course, this is not a hospital. If it is, it's the weirdest hospital with mirrored walls!

Is this an office? It's not an office. What offices have TVs hanging in the corner? And if it's an office, why in the heck is there a nicely made bed in the middle?

I guess it's a bedroom. But again, what bedroom has an entire mirrored wall (or walls, I can't tell.) If it is a bedroom, it appears to be a modern room, but if so, that's an old school TV hanging. That seems completely out of place.

She Has Not Grasped It Yet

So, as you know, she had her party last night. After getting that text from her about the work she had done, I texted back to her that I was happy she was happy etc., but then added the following: "Of course, you could have 'made' me do it, with a little ingenuity :)" I did not receive a response. I got the feeling she didn't really understand what I meant.

Anyway, her party was for only women, so as soon as I got home, I took the kids out for the evening. Upon my return at 10:00 p.m., the party was ending. She actually had to go work right after the party. We talked for a while, then she left for work, stating she be back in about a half hour. When she left, she made a comment that she was happy because she didn't think cleaning up would take too long and that she'd do it when she got home.

Looking at the house, there was a lot of clean up necessary. Champagne and wine glasses everywhere. Open bottles of wine and other drinks. Appetizers and other food. The living room had been re-arranged for purposes of the party.

I had two choices. Go to bed and let her clean it up. Or do it myself. I'm sure everyone knows what I did.

By the time she got home, everything was almost done, except that I was still vacuuming. She was extremely happy - expressed how happy she was that I had done all of this. She even stated that I had gone "above and beyond the duty." She kept telling me how great it was that I done that for her.

Then, this morning, I did two more things. In preparing for her party, she had put the coffee maker away. Before she got up, I found the coffee maker, and made coffee for her. It's not a big thing, of course, but it was knowing what she would like and making that happen. I also wrote a note about how much I loved her and put it with her Iphone.

Needless to say, she was extremely happy and pleased.

Despite this - and all that has happened - the light has not yet switched! Baby steps.

I've Got More Work To Do!

Maybe my wife is not taking charge because she's a sub too!

We're having a party tomorrow and we've talked about what needs to be done, etc., and I, of course, offered to clean the house tonight when I get off of work.

I just received a text from her saying that she just cleaned the bathrooms, the bedrooms, living room, dining room and did the laundry!

Kinda Hoping For This Tonight

Things are very busy around here. Issues with the house, kids, holidays, work, etc.

Still, hoping she does this soon:

Doing A Little More

Most people believe that in a FLR, the work done by the husband should be done for her enjoyment, regardless of whether the husband likes doing the work.

In the previous post, I noted that I gave her a pedicure. I actually like giving her pedicures. I don't mind cleaning the bathroom, or doing the dishes. But I dislike doing the laundry.

Many people question whether that is really being submissive. Is it being submissive to do something for someone else when the submissive derives great pleasure from doing the task? Wouldn't it be more of a FLR if I did all of the laundry, since it's the laundry I don't like doing?

Even before approaching her on this type of lifestyle, I already contributed very much to the household chores, despite working very long hours 5 days a week. So it's not as if I've gone from doing nothing to doing a whole lot. I can only do so much, however, with the time I have at home.

While there is no correct universal answer, for me, I've now made a concerted effort to do even more things, and doing more of the things that I do not like doing.

A couple of nights ago, she made a comment that she had to go clean the soup pot. (She had made soup for the kids and apparently the pot was still dirty. I did not know she had used the pot, or that it was dirty.) It was late at night, and I was really tired. I could have easily just not said anything, or not do anything, but instead I told her I would go clean it. She "you don't have to do that." I replied, "no, it's o.k., I'll go do it."

And even later on that night, she stated she was going downstairs to get a glass of water. I again jumped up and we ended up with a very similar exchange about soup pot.

We also talked about how the rest of the week was shaping up, all the stuff we had to do, etc. I made a mental note of what she said. One of those was vacuuming, so on Sunday, I began vacuuming. She expressed surprise that I was doing this. I think she said "You just decided to vacuum?"

While I would have much rather sat and watched football, that she noticed the effort and appreciate it, was much more rewarding.

I don't know if she fully grasps what is taking place though. Sure, she enjoys the extra help, the pedicures, manicures, getting her drinks etc., but I don't know if she's started to realize the depth of what is occurring. I hope, however, that these efforts will, little by little, lead to more involved FLR.

Taking the Initiative

After reading other blogs on this subject, and the comments to my own blog, I've started to take the initiative of being submissive to see how that develops, and I think it's working.

Prior to vacation she got a pedicure. While on vacation, she received several chips and we were in a place where nothing could be done to fix them. She was disappointed in the appearance, but since we've been so busy lately, finding time to get another pedicure, or even just taking the old polish off, was going to be difficult.

After I came home from work, and after the kids were in bed, she was working on the computer. We both still had a lot of things to do, so I quickly finished mine work. I knew her work was going to take about another 45 minutes.

Without telling her beforehand, I picked out a nice color nail polish and retrieved all of the necessary equipment. I sat down at her feet and removed her socks. She looked down at me with a look of "what in the hell are you doing?" I just said I knew her polish was bothering her, so I was going to give her a pedicure while she worked. She laughed, but didn't protest.

So there I was, on the floor, providing a very nice pedicure for her, while she went ahead and worked. It wasn't like she was ignoring me, but she definitely wasn't paying attention to me.

After I was done, she looked down and complimented me on the good job I had done. She was genuinely pleased with the result. (I should note, this wasn't the first time I've ever given a pedicure to her ..... or myself. I've done both throughout the years.)

She then said, "I should have you do this all time." "I would love to do that for you, as often as you want," was my reply.

Now, when she made her comment, she didn't really mean it the "Femdom" way originally. That sentence may sound weird, but what I mean is that she didn't say it as you would imagine a Femdom in a story would say. She was not trying to be dominant, sexual, or even teasing. It was said by a "vanilla" woman who, at the time, was very happy that her problem (her chipped nail polish) had been fixed, without any effort by her, without having to ask for it to be fixed, the process was pleasurable and she was very pleased with how her toes actually looked. Her comment was happy, content, relieved.

This whole situation couldn't have gone better, I thought. I satisfied my own submissive desires. Honestly, sitting at our wives feet, giving a pedicure to her, while she ignored us, or even just sat back enjoying being pampered, is a great feeling.

But then, the result was great too. I was very pleased because she was so pleased. That part brought me joy. Seeing her happy and appreciative made me happy.

And then, of course, is the simple fact that her comment and my response is another piece of the puzzle for her to realize what I've meant about a gradual change in our dynamic. Slow realization that she can ask for, and receive, these acts from me, all to my own pleasure, let alone hers. Also, the realization that what I've been talking about doesn't have to be these long, drawn out, thought out, events that need to be planned by her.

She is afraid of, and probably incapable of, creating and planning sexual scenarios. And while I've tried explaining to her that while I would love for her to do those things, that wasn't what I was asking in the first place. But I'm still hopeful that by doing these things for her, she does, at some point in the future, realize that she can ask/order me to do these things for her. I want her to be able to look at her toes, be annoyed that they are chipped, and then think - I'll get him to fix them when he gets home.

The Game is Over

I've got to take the counter down, because that ship finally sailed right before Thanksgiving, but since I was gone, I haven't had the opportunity to provide the update.

Unfortunately, at least from my point of view, it wasn't some grand elaborate event. That's not to say that after over a month, the release wasn't incredible. The release was unbelievable. As most of us subs are known to do, I had grandiose ideas of how the final event would take place. The reality could never have lived up to the build up in my head.

After dinner and getting the kids to bed, she simply had me go up stairs, restrained me, and then read her book for the alloted time I had left. After that, she did spend some time teasing me, until finally engulfing me. It didn't take long at all. It was mind blowing - I was shaking for a while after the deed was done. It took a while to come down off the high. She didn't even want me to do anything in return.

Maybe because I'm the type who thinks about things all the time, I was sorta taken aback that she never discussed what we just went through! It's been several weeks now since that night, and she hasn't mentioned anything about it! Makes me wonder what's going through her head. Mind you, we are so very very busy that we've barely had time to say "hi" to each other, let alone get into a discussion about our little journey.

With the remainder of December looking extremely busy, I'm not going to be pushing anything.

A Funny Event

Just got back from vacation, so I'm very swamped and don't have much time to update things. But a funny little thing happened while on vacation.

We were are a rather crowded bar, with myself, my wife, and then several others. We were sitting next to a table of about 4 or 5 40 year old women. They were attractive and clearly having a good time out alone.

While I was thoroughly enjoying my scotch, this was more a pub type bar and my wife and the other women we were with wanted something a little more upbeat. I was talking with another guy in our group and unbeknownst to us, the women in our group got up, started putting on their coats and clearly getting ready to leave.

I turned to my friend and said "oh, I guess we're leaving." I obviously said that rather loud, because the women at the other table all starting chimming in with comments. I don't remember them exactly, but they were comments like "Yea, just do as the women say", "good husband's, doing what their wives say", and "just go along with them, you'll be better off."

My wife heard their comments and gave me knowing smile. Rather funny.

Updates on how things are going will be coming soon!

Discouraging

I know that I'm trying to look at this in the long term, but it's starting to creep into my mind that she's not nearly as into it as I had originally thought.

There hasn't been a hint of Tease & Denial, Femdom.....anything, in a long time now. I have not broached the subject at all because I don't want to pressure or pester her into doing anything.

I'm still everything I had been before. I'm still offering to bring her wine, I'm still doing the dishes, I'm still doing other chores around the house, I'm still showing interest in her day etc. And don't get me wrong - I'm not doing these things solely as a way to "trick" her or get her to engage in Femdom or sex. I'm doing them because I have always done them and I love her.

What I have not received is any inkling from her that she's even thinking about it at all. I always understand when there are other issues that prevent engagement in relations. All she'd need to do is communicate that to me. Maybe she is thinking about it, but she's done nothing in her actions or her words to convey that.

The discouraging part is that we've had the discussions in the past where she admits that she needs to be better making time for us, to be more engaged. My option is to communicate to her how I've perceived these last couple of weeks, but I do not want her to agree with me and claim she'll do better in the future. We've had that dicussion many times. I don't want to have it again.

Another Great Image

Found this image on http://themarrieddomme.blogspot.com/ (a great blog.)



This photo represents where I would love for my relationship to be with my wife. We are not at a point where she will use a strap-on on me, nor have I even broached the subject of a chastity device. While we are engaging in chastity right now, it's a self-imposed and "trust" version. She simply trusts that I do not have an orgasm outside of her presence.

Of course, I would love to submit to her locking my cock in a chastity device. The symbolism of her engaging in the act of placing the device on, taking the key, and wearing the key as a daily reminder would powerful to me, and hopefully powerful to her. I would be surprised if she ever a) agreed to do it; and b) enjoyed it. One issue is that it is pushing her out of her element and the other issue is the "found out" thing. She would be deathly afraid that the kids would see, or that someone would know. These don't bother me as much - I couldn't care less what others think or know. She is different.

And the strap-on is a "no go" right now. She states that she does not enjoy anal sex and thinks it's gross. I also believe, though she claims otherwise, that she associates a strap-on to a male is a homosexual thing.

It's a long process, but I'm hoping that I can disprove the age old maxim of "you can lead a horse to water, but you can't make him drink." I'm hoping that if I keep exposing her to new things, gradually increasing her awareness and showing her how much it is something she would enjoy, that she will gradually become more actively engaged.

Devilish Woman

It's funny, because the more I sit there and think she's not doing anything, the more she surprises me.

Friday was a really bad day for her and we ended up staying home that night. She went to bed early, and nothing happened.

Saturday, she kept making sneaky little comments throughout the day. Just little things like "how are you doing" while patting my crotch, talking about "maybe tonight will be the night, and just things like that. One other funny comment was in the morning. She was getting out of the shower and I was getting into the shower. As we passed, she noticed my shaved groin area, which still has the red bumps from shaving. I haven't figured out to not get those yet (and yes, I use a really good razor). As we were passing each other, the following discussion occurred:

"See, now you know what it's like to have to shave your bikini area," she said.

I responded "You're right. But the good thing is it doesn't itch."

"Yea, but what about the red bumps there," she said.

"Well, it's not like anyone is going to see them but you!"

"You're damn right," she said, and then she left. I thought it was funny!

Anyway, I knew that she was going out on Saturday night for her friends birthday. I stayed home and while it was kinda torture, after the kids were in bed, I ended up reading some of the great blogs out there, and watching a little porn. It was stupid, because all it did was make me really horny and I ended up edging myself! I finally stopped myself and watched a movie.

I was up when she got home at about 11 a.m. I was in bed watching tv. She was nicely buzzed, but no where near drunk. She got ready for bed and climbed in with me. She snuggled up to me, we talked about the night and then she started to play with me through my boxers. I was really enjoying it, instantly got hard, and she kept going till she knew it was going to be too much. When she'd stop, she just lay there watching tv with me.

After the last time, though, she had fallen asleep. So there I was, leaking, hugely hard, and she was done.

The next day, I was very randy, and was all over all day. I was really hoping that last night I would finish my time restrained. The day took a turn for the worse when we were supposed to get something delivered to our house and then found out it would take several more weeks. That really pissed her off (not either of our fault), but we ended up getting a little heated. My fault, because I should have just recognized that she was made at the situation, and not me.

Anyway, that put the damper on the day. We spent the rest of the day with friends, which put her in a better mood. But by the time we got home, the house was a freaking mess. I spent the rest of the day trying to please her by cleaning the bathroom, vacuuming the house and doing the dishes. Alas, it was not to be. She had to finish work and then went to bed.

She definitely thanked me for my work on Sunday, but I'm still waiting!

Tease & Denial

"Whatershesays" brought up a subject I wanted to address related to my situation. He wondered whether my wife engaged in the "tease" part of "tease & denial", or whether I was just "denied."

The short answer to his question was "yes, she does engage in the tease part." She has expressed how much she likes teasing me. As you can see from the repeat of the full description of Thursday night, she really liked doing it.

And she even did it on Monday night. She was tired and engaged in a little teasing, just with her hands, bringing me to the brink, and then stopping. She had to "suffer" the consequences, as we spooned and felt a poking as she went to sleep, but I think she was satisfied with her work.

Of course, I'd like to be teased every night, but that's not gonna happen.

Thursday Night, the 5th

Now that it's been almost a week, I'll try to do my best to replay Thursday night.

After the great dinner, she went to watch her favorite show, Project Runway, while I finished cleaning the table and all of the dishes. Once I was done, I sat with her to watch Project Runway. While I hate reality TV, I can at least sit through this show without trying to kill myself.

After the show was over, she stood up and said "let's go upstairs now." She had a big smile on her face. While I knew it was coming, I was still feeling a happy anxiousness and nervousness. I was feeling that way due to the unknown. I didn't know what she was going to do!

She grabbed a scarf and said we'd use that. Now, we have a restraint system. We have many cuffs, with straps, that allow you to wrap around a 4 post bed and get you spread eagle. We have other restraints too. I had been picturing this type of set up all along. When she said we'd use the scarf, I was surprised and taken aback, so I blurted out "Really? What about the restraints. You don't have four scarfs," and I kind of continued to ramble. In retrospect, it was partly because I was so excited and surprised at the same time.

Her response smacked me back to reality. With a firm voice, she said "Are you really telling me how to do this?" I immediately thought, "Oh, I'm no idiot. I'm blowing it. I need to fix this." So I began apologizing, trying to explain what I meant. I started explaining the benefits of the cuffs, why they were better, why they were easier and that I was just trying to help. Again, in retrospect, I am an idiot, because that came out wrong too! Luckily for me, I think she found it amusing and simply said "We are doing it my way. Now get upstairs."

Once there, she made me get completely naked, had me lie on the bed, and then she tied the scarf around my wrist, around a bed post and then around my other wrist. She went into the closet and came out wearing a red teddy. Of course, by this time, I was already hard.

She came around the bed, sat down, and then said "you'll just have to sit there while I read my book." Wicked woman!

I politely asked if I could watch tv, but was denied. Instead, she did allow me to read a magazine. This proved slightly difficult given the restraints on my hands, but doable. This went on for about 20 minutes. 20 minutes of torture/anticipation on my part!

Without warning, she put her book down, rolled over, and grabbed my cock. She lightly rubbed. Lightly bit. Lightly flicked. Scrapped her nails along my cock and balls. I was on fire. Bucking, moaning, thrashing. She could tell I was extremely worked up and said "you had better not cum while I'm doing this. You won't be happy if you do."

I cannot adequately express in words how tantalizing close to orgasm I was. But more importantly, I cannot adequately express in words how this was affecting me mentally. She was laughing while teasing me. Not a cruel laugh, but a happy, amused laugh. That she was enjoying it so much, that she was embracing the Femdom, that I had been in chastity for so long, that she was teasing me so well, that I was restrained, it was all just so sublime.

She could tell how close I was, so she said I needed a little break. She rolled back to her side, and continued to read her book. Leaking copious amounts of pre-cum, harder than ever, and charged up beyond belief, the sudden stopping had me shuddering. I closed my eyes, simultaneously trying to ignore what had just happened to calm myself, and replaying what just happened because it was so intense. It was difficult. I asked if I could watch tv to take my mind off of everything and calm down, and she let me.

She turned the tv on and it was a football show and asked it that was o.k. Honestly, I couldn't respond. I just said "yea, whatever. I don't care. Whatever is good." She laughed and continued reading her book.

Eventually, she went through another teasing session and the declared "that's enough." At that point, I had logged 42 minutes restrained. I felt as if I had been restrained for several hours. Realizing that I still had 1:18 more minutes to be restrained before I got to cum was somewhat distressing, but nothing could take away from that great night.

The night, however, wasn't over.

After the restraints were taken off, she climbed on me and began to aggressively kiss me. She demanded I make her cum, so I rolled her on back and started going crazy on her. While I was going down on her, she surprised me by saying "I need you to fuck me right now, but don't you dare cum." She usually cums easily when I eat her, but tonight, she clearly wanted to be penetrated.

The surprise to me was that I wondered whether she realized that there was no way I could fuck her tonight, if I wasn't supposed to cum!!! Especially not after those two teasing sessions. I mean, it had been over two weeks in chastity at that point. That was crazy talk.

Despite my thoughts, I immediately got up and entered her. I started slowly, concentrating on not going too fast to send me over the edge. Still, after about a minute, I told her I couldn't continue without cumming. I asked her if she wanted me to use the vibrator on her. She was disappointed that I couldn't last, but growled "yes."

I ran to the closet, returned and continued with the vibrator. After her very intense orgasm, we stayed very close. We talked. We talked alot.

The night was a great great night. Better than I had anticipated.

It did bring up many questions that are still unanswered for me. Whether she wants to continue this even after our little game. Whether she will become more and more Dominate. While she has enjoyed doing some of this, there are many days in between anything sexually happening, but even in those down days, there isn't any Femdom stuff happening either.

I know she enjoys the control aspect in bed. I know that I have a much higher libido than she does, so I know that I'll want sex 3-4 times a week to her one time. I know that I would like more of a Femdom relationship and I think for her it's more of a novelty thing, as opposed to an every day thing.

Again, we shall see. I do realize that we've only been doing this for about a month and expecting a huge change so early is completely unrealistic.

Chastity

I haven't been able to get to updating what happened Thursday night. Mainly, it's because a lot happened.

So, before I update Thursday night, I wanted to address my own experience so far with Chastity. (That's somewhat of a spoiler, because that means it didn't happen on Thursday night!)

This is officially the longest I've gone being denied by my wife. And, since I've never been involved in any "denial" games, it's the longest I've ever gone in my life, because I could always masturbate before.

So it's been interesting to me to see how my responses/feelings have evolved over this long period of denial. (At least long for me. I know others have gone much much longer.)

It's tough to explain what I've been feeling because one description is not all encompassing. I've felt sexual frustration, anxiety, desire, inability to concentrate, huge desire for my wife, and continual wondering when it will end. Those feelings increased and intensified day by day.

Initially, I believed that it would keep increasing every day until the end. But, a funny thing happened at about 2 weeks. At two weeks, the feelings, while still very strong, started to lower. I mean, they weren't as intense. While they lowered, they were still more intense than they were at day 1 or 2 into Chastity. Thinking of it as a graph with intensity on the vertical line and time on the horizontal line, it was a steady increase, then a plateau at week 2 weeks, then a decrease about a quarter of the way down, and then a long steady straight line plateau. It's like a calm set in.

It's still intense, but not all encompassing now. It's like a new normal, and it got me to thinking that this is the new normal that I would want forever. Not that I want to be denied forever. But I would like for the control to be hers, so that I would be at this level of intense in our relationship. Where she becomes more and more Dominate, where she enjoys it to the point where she comes to the realization that this would be the norm she wants. Where she would enjoy the Femdom aspect and doesn't do it only when we are doing the "game", but that it's how we interact.

I'm not at all optimistic that this where it will end up, but we'll see. It's not like I'm expecting her to go from rather vanilla to hardcore kink in a matter of a month or two.

Good thing is that we're together for the long haul, we have an extremely strong loving relationship already and it's a great sign she was open to try this in the first place!

Thursday Night

I am on such a high right now, I can't stand it. Of course, it's the middle of the day, I'm working, and I have a million things to do, so I can't provide a full update. I promise to update what happened last night very soon.

Be that as it may, in addition to the main reason for this blog, I'm sort of a foodie. I love to cook and believe I'm pretty good. It's not like I'll be opening my own restaurant any time soon, but I truly enjoy making dishes and dinners.

Last night, I followed a lobster recipe pretty much to a "T" and was extremely happy with the results. (Lobster is her favorite food.) I entered into it with a little trepidation as it called for ingredients I wasn't sure she would like. But it turned out phenomenal. And it wasn't just me, my Wife thought the same. She even said it tasted like something you'd only be able to order at a rstaurant. I could not have asked for a better compliment. My success must have been because I was feeling so good and so excited.

The food ended up being a foretelling of the good times for the rest of the evening.

Nothing's Happening - But It Will

Never would have thought it when I started this, but I find that I'm extremely wordy. I'm trying to keep the posts shorter, but it just seems like I've got a whole boat load of stuff that I end up saying.

I don't think I ever went over the rest of the "objectives" that I had to complete before I got to cum. The objectives could be done in any order. The five were:

1) Wear eye shadow for a day;
2) Wear the Burt's Bees Lip Balm;
3) 3 minutes of spanking;
4) Be restrained for 2 full hours. (They don't have to be continuous, just a total of 2 hours); and
5) Make dinner for her, serve dinner to her, clean everything, make drinks for her all night, and then serve her in anyway for the rest of the night.

(Surprisingly, the shaving and the ice cube were not a part of the game.)

So far, I've done the Burt's Bees Lip Balm (still doing it) and we've had the 3 minutes of spanking. As for the rest, read on.

Nothing has been going on between us sexually since the ice cube day. I didn't say anything for fear of pressuring her. Finally, on Tuesday, we were talking on the phone and she was explaining how busy of a day and how bad of day she was having. I seized that opportunity to try to be playful, hopefully sparking a response from her. I asked if she wanted to have her Dinner night tonight, to make her feel better. She was immediately receptive to that idea, making me immediately start searching my favorite recipe site www.epicurious.com for something to make for her.

Unfortunately, by the time I got home from work, the kids had worn her down. She was very tired, and very hungry, and didn't really want to wait for the 2 hours for me to make dinner for her. I was disappointed, but understood. I explained that I could make it for her on Thursday, since she was working on Wednesday night. She thought that was a good idea. I still made dinner for her, just not that "type" of dinner.

After the kids were in bed and she was on the couch watching TV, I went over to her, hugged her and lay with her. We began talking about the day, etc., and even the aborted dinner issue.

The really good news was that by our discussion, we planned on Thursday being the night for her dinner. She also expressed that she would restrain me that day too. She suggested I wear the eye shadow today at work today, so that my release could come on Thursday.

It was a bittersweet thing, though, because while it was clear that she was enjoying the game, enjoying being "in charge", it was also clear from our discussion that this is not something she really thinks about, or necessarily has an overriding desire to continue. My guess would be that if I never brought up her taking charge again, she'd never actually do it. It seems to me that in order for her to take charge, I would have to top from the bottom.

Then again, I'd rather top from the bottom and have Femdom in my relationship, regardless of however small, than not do it and have no Femdom in my relationship.

So while I'm sitting her at work, wearing eye shadow (a very light brown - and I'm "lucky", you can't really see my eyelids too much anyway, so it's not very noticable), and the Lip Balm (which turns me on greatly), and I'm getting very excited about Thursday, I'm also approaching it with trepidation as to the future. If she does restrain me for 2 hours and I get my release that day, that's the end of the "game" that I created. What then?

Great Picture

Got this picture from queentakesknight at tumblr.com. If any woman wonders what's in it for her in a Femdom relationship, she really needs to study this picture for a long time.

Starting To Go Crazy

It's been almost two weeks. I'm really starting to lose focus on work and can't concentrate. I'm just wondering whether she'll tie me up tonight, whether it'll be tomorrow, or whenever!

I haven't said anything to her because of her situation, but man, it's getting hard.

The Weekend

Her having a "visitor" beginning on Friday and then having a ton of kids/families over for a kid party on Saturday has left zero time for play.

Hoping for something this week. We'll see.

Still haven't logged any time restrained! Sunday isn't over, but damn, I'm really ready for it.

Thursday Night

After the great Tuesday night, nothing happened Wednesday or Thursday. Well, not until the end.

Other than an appreciative kiss on Wednesday morning for the Tuesday night festivies, there was no playing on Wednesday or Thursday. Not even a smidge. Of course, that made me bummed. I realized that while my desires were becoming heightened because of the chastity, hers were doing just the opposite! Since she had been getting relief all the time, she's not going to be ready to rock every night.

Anyway, I was very tired from work, so I had gone to bed at 10:00 on Thursday. She was still watching tv downstairs and came up at about 10:15. I don't fall asleep quickly, so I was still awake when she came upstairs. She had a glass of water with ice.

"You're asleep already?"

"Yea, I'm tired and I have lots of work tomorrow."

"Oh, well, I brought ice."

That last comment confused me. She then said, "off with your underwear." Hmmm, this was coming out of left field, but I was all for it.

She took an ice cube and started dripping it on my cock. She then starting rubbing it all over by cock and balls, commnenting on how that must hurt. Despite the cold, I was still rock hard and liking the effect. She even starting sucking my balls and cock every once in a while - and the heat of her mouth in contrast to the cold was incredible.

Once the ice cube melted, she told me to put my underwear back and go to sleep.

Crazy. And I wasn't expecting that.

Continuation of Tuesday Night

After getting the wine for her, and I was rather charged up at that point, she suggested we go upstairs and watch tv in bed together.

Our time there was 99% normal, but she was still exerting her dominance in small ways. She complained that her feet were cold, presented them to me and said "make my feet warm." She told me to get her another glass of wine. We watched what she wanted to watch.

Hey, I realize that compared to many other people out there, this is extremely mild stuff. Honestly, my desires run much stronger and deeper than what she's doing. The most important thing to me, however, is that she's agreed to do it after I proposed it to her, and she has been changing and embracing the idea. I mean, for someone who isn't naturally Dominate or does not even trend that way, they won't become a Dom at the drop of a hat. Most of us who are Subs have had these feelings for a very long time - as early as a little kid to the early teen years. I know that my wife has not had Dom feelings at all. So I've been thinking about being a sub for more than 20 years, while she has not. My point is only that any change towards being a Dom is a very good thing.

Anyway, I was still on edge a little, though, because I still didn't know whether she had even received the long email. I sorta suspected that she had, partly due to the change in her demeanor, but was still not sure. Eventually, she sorta blurted out "by the way, I did receive the long email today. I was with a client, so I was like "ahhhh" when I got it, but I did read it." She explained that she was happy with the way things were going, but that she wasn't an "every night type girl." I wasn't sure what that last comment meant, especially since she had been more dominant that night. I did think that she wasn't going to "play" every night, meaning that she wasn't going to do sexual things every night.

Once it was time for bed, she told me to get her toothbrush and other bedtime routine stuff ready for her. She got into bed and then went to sleep rather quickly. Again, I was a little disappointed, but not at all surprised.

And then, things got interesting. She was restless that night, squirming around, but still asleep. At about 1:00 a.m., she got out of bed, and actually growled! She said, "You're making me too warm!!" and got some water. I thought it was rather funny as she wasn't really mad at me, but apparently I had been snuggling her so much at night that I was, well, making her too warm.

Upon getting back into bed, I rolled on top of her, kissed her and apologized for making her too warm. She thought that was funny and began kissing me back. She sleeps in nothing but a thong, so my instant steel hard erection was pressing right into her panties. She started kissing back aggressively and then rolled me over, so I was on my back and she was straddling me.

Grabbing my hands over my head, she continued kissing me and grinding herself on my cock. For those of you have ever practiced chastity, you have to realize that the term "premature ejaculation" no longer applies. Why? Because, essentially, you're so f'ing horny all day long, for very long periods of time, that stimulation of any sustained time can put you over the edge! (Or maybe that's just me!)

She whipped off her panties, grabbed my hands over me head again, and then slid right up to my face. No words were spoken, but obviously, no words were necessary. Her pussy was so wet and sweet and her clit already engorged. I went to town on her. She was really grinding herself on my face that I could only breath through my nose at certain times! I would make sure to take huge breaths whenever I got the chance.

She had an orgasm really quickly, but stayed on. Most of the time, once she has an orgasm, she likes to relax for at least a minute before starting again. This time, though, after the first orgasm, she kept grinding, but at a slower more leisurely pace. That didn't last too long, as she gradually got more and more intense and had another strong orgasm.

Eating her out like that, being this long into chastity, etc., well, I'm literally felt like I was going to cum with absolutely no touching of my cock. While eating her out, it definitely felt like I was going to cum, and then after she was done cumming twice and resting on my chest, the whole scene made me more and more aroused that the feeling of cumming was stronger at that point. That surprised me. I was breathing very heavily and actually concentrating on not cumming. I could not believe it.

She lay back down, and I crawled back on top of her, kissing her again. She reached for my cock, but I told her that any touching would send me off. She laughed. She thanked me and said it was time to go to sleep. She was asleep in about 2 minutes. Me? I stayed awake for about another hour, and then did not sleep well for the rest of the night.

When people ask why someone would want Tease & Denial, or Femdom, all I can say is that if you re-read this post, and other post about Tuesday, if you can't see it, then you won't ever see it. Not that there is anything wrong with that, but wow. I am writing this on Friday, and I'm still getting extremely hard just re-playing the whole thing in my mind again.

A wonderful journey indeed!

Tuesday Night

This is going to be a long post because so much happened Tuesday night, so hang on.

On Tuesday during the day, I sent my wife a rather long email, trying to accomplish several things. I wanted to convey how much I appreciated her openness to this type of change/dynamic in our relationship. I tried to explain to her a little more what I get out of her being in control. But, more importantly, I wanted to ask her how she was feeling and if she was enjoying it.

It's a fine line, but I wanted to know if she was doing all of this just for me, or if she was truly enjoying being the Dom. I think that when it's the guy who approaches the woman with the idea of a Femdom relationship, or at least a Femdom relationship in the bedroom, there is always a danger of the woman engaging in that behavior only for the guy. Meaning, because she loves the guy and wants to make him happy, she engages in the event. But she's doing it predominately for the guy, not for her own unique enjoyment! My email tried to ask this delicate question.

I was curious about this because she knows that I have strong Cross-Dressing desires and she does not necessarily enjoy it. At least, she hasn't in the past. She doesn't mind it in small doses, but when it gets too much, she does not like it. Since she recently required me to wear panties to bed, to wear the Burt's Bees Lip Shimmer and shave, I began to wonder whether she was making me do these things only because she knew I'd like them, not necessarily because she liked them. I explained I did not want this to turn into a situation where I was driving everything and she just tolerated our play.

I had actually hesitated to sending the email in the first place because she has made it very clear that our situation would not be a 24/7 relationship. She made it clear that it would not impact our day to day lives, that she'd do it when she wanted to, that it would not be every night etc. I did not want to make it seem as if I was pressing the issue and making our relationship all about this.

So, I sent that email and then............I received no reply. I sent it early in the day, and was waiting to get some kind of reply, whether good or bad. Now I was really worried, because I figured I blew it. I thought that she was pissed. We actually conversed via email about some other things after I had sent my long email, and there wasn't one mention of the long email. Then I began to worry that I had accidentally sent it to someone else! Needless to say, I was kind of a wreck on the way home.

When I got home, though, she was in a good mood. Cherry, in fact. She had a meeting to go to, so she starting telling me about what homework the kids had to do, what they ate for dinner, things about the pet, her day etc. I was relieved because I didn't think she was mad about the email, but then I actually started to think that I had sent the email to someone else!

We were talking in the kitchen about all of this stuff and then her face lit up and said "Oh, and thank you soooo much for emptying the dishwasher and doing the other dishes last night. I woke up this morning dreading doing that and I was so happy to see it done so I could enjoy my coffee." I sheepishly smiled, beaming inside, and she came over, grabbed my head in her hands and gave me a big kiss. With that, she said she had to go and left.

That exchange left me feeling great about myself and us, but still wondering whether she had received my email and what she thought about it! I still didn't know. She was gone for two hours. In that time, I cleaned up much more of the house, finished homework with the kids, and got them all in bed. I spent the remainder of the time trying to fix the computer.

It was about 9:00 when she got home and I had just started watching the 25 Most Sexiest Sci-Fi Women (Wonder Woman was #1 - a good choice I'd say.) When she came home, one of the kids woke up, so she went straight to the kids room. By the time I got there, she was already done, and going to the bathroom. While in the bathroom, she looked over at me, gave me a smile and said "I need a glass of wine, please."

I said "yes" to her and went to get her wine. That statement from her made me very happy. It led me to believe that she embracing, wanting and becoming Dominate. It was the words she chose and the way she said it that made my heart skip. It was her, not some way she thought a Dom would act. She wasn't "Role Playing" at being a Dominatrix. She wasn't pretending. She didn't try to be something she isn't and say something cheesy or fake like "Your Mistress demands you bring her wine, you worthless little pig." Instead, even though she used the word please, it was not said as if she was asking me to do her a favor. It was a demand. It was said with the knowledge that, becuase of our new relationship, I would immediately do as told. The thing that was so incredibly sexy to me was that it was her, my wife, the woman I was in love with, just more Dominate.

There is much more that happened on Tuesday night. Much more. It was a very interesting and wonderful evening. I'll definitely continue, but it will have to be later.

More Dominance

She's phenomenal.  I can't believe how much she is enjoying being dominate.

It's not as if I hadn't broached the subject earlier in our marriage.  I'm not sure what has changed - maybe it's maturity, maybe it's that we have a very strong marriage and have been happily married for a long time now, maybe it's a comfort level with each other and our sexuality now, maybe it's because she's just finally interested in something new or something else - I don't know.  I do know that I'm so very happy now.  She's not only saying she's happy too, but I can see that she's happy.

There is a lot going between us, but her is a brief update on how she's exuding more and more dominance.

1)  I'm completely shaved now.  She's likes my balls, cock and entire groin area smooth.  She did let me choose whether to leave a little landing strip that is so popular with women these days.  Instead of landing strip, it's more a little square just above my cock.  Sure, it takes longer to shave in the morning in the shower, but it's worth it.

P.S. - any tips of dealing with the little red irritation bumps after shaving?  Lotions that work? 

2)  I'm required to keep my lips soft and supple for her.  She states that making sure my lips are kissable increases her enjoyment.  Of course, it's not as simple as me being able to use Chapstick or something.  Nope.  Instead, she requires me to wear Burt's Bees Lip Shimmer, in Champagne, all day long.

Yes, I work.  I work in a very very large office.  She says I can wear as much as I want so others will notice, or I can wear as little as I want, as long as it's actually visible.

So, I'm constantly wondering if people will notice.  If you've never seen, or heard of this, it's a Lip Balm, but with a "hint of luminescent color".  Champagne is a very light color, but also a little "glittery" - well, a shimmer - so if you use it, and the light hits your lips just so, it definitely shows.  And I'm sitting there, looking at my coffee cup and notice the shiny lipstick marks on it!  Wow, what a trip.

I actually really love the way it feels on me.  It definitely works.  My lips are softer.  But, being on edge all day long that someone is going to either see me applying it, or see the shimmer on the lips drives me crazy.  If anyone did say something, I think it's light enough for me to play it off by claiming it's a normal lip balm.  I expect, however, that if a woman saw me applying it, she would immediately recognize it and know the truth.

She's Stressed

This won't come as a shock to anyone now days, but she's been stressed with typical American Family things: kids, bills, work, kids' school, and other commitments. She has a sales type job, which hasn't been as fruitful as she would have hoped, which is causing us both stress.

We talked about all of this last night, and she was almost apologizing about not doing more stuff lately, especially over the weekend. She even expressed that it must be torture for me since I haven't been able to cum in so long. I laughed at that, re-assuring her and telling her that my condition was voluntary to her. That we came to the agreement that this is how it would occur, that she should enjoy it, have fun with it and do whatever she wanted. I was there for her.

After our talk (which was in bed), I asked her if she wanted to have a relaxing orgasm so she could sleep better. When we usually make love, it's more frenetic, fast paced and intense. This time, however, I took my time, leisurely bringing her off.

She was very appreciative and I was very happy. I was ready to go to sleep, but she had other things in mind. She rolled on top of me to take off my panties (yes, she was requiring me to wear panties to bed - plain black cotton - very comfortable.) When she touched my panties, she noticed the huge wet spot that had formed from being so aroused when she allowed me to give her an orgasm. She said "Oh, looks like we had an accident!"

"No, that's just my pre-cum from being so horny," I said.

"Wow, that's a lot of pre-cum!" was her response.

Just that exchange almost made me cum! Little did I know at the time that was the least of my worries. She started to slowly and lightly lick my cock from top to bottom, but never sucking. She paid particular attention to sucking my balls, which by this time were throbbing. Just doing this literally brought me to brink, requiring me to tell her to stop or I'd lose it.

With one long slow suck of my cock, she said "You're going to be hard a long time tonight, aren't you? Do you need to go take a cold shower."

I did need to take one, but it was too late. It was a fitful sleep for me, but she was able to roll over and get sound asleep quickly.

Before going to sleep, however, we had one last exchange, in which she expressed happiness about our current game and that we were definitely making love more often and that she, of course, was really enjoying her power.

Uneventful Weekend

So, the countdown continues, and I'm no closer to the end than before the weekend!! She hasn't restrained me at all, so I've logged zero minutes. I still have 2 hours restrained until I can cum. I'm beginning to think that I've got a long long time.

The "be careful of what you wish for" mantra will be thought by many people. While I would love to cum more frequently, or even be played with more, I do not regret giving the power to her. She's got it, it's hers and she can do whatever she wants.

Now that I'm thinking of it, I'm still very far from the end. I have 5 objectives to finish. 3 of them can be done while being restrained, so I'm not worried about that, but the 5th one is a complete dinner, just for her, including all cleaning and then I am required to serve her drinks and other things for the remainder of the night.

That clock at the bottom is going to be going for a long time!

We Played Last Night

My wife was feeling much better, so we ended up going out for a wonderful dinner with some friends. Great food, engaging conversations and a new beer I had never tasted before. All in all, a fun night.

After getting home and dealing with the kids, it was about 10:30 and she was tired. We headed to bed, but there was no indication from her that anything would happen. I know that when she gets like that, she'll usually be asleep in about 2 minutes of getting into bed.

I was anxious and, frankly, horny, but was also curious to see if she was going to play with me, or at least wanted an orgasm before going to bed. While she was getting ready for bed, I had the TV. Unfortunately, she basically got into bed and started to go to sleep. Having her there beside me was tough to not just turn over and beg for her to let me cum.

I guess before going on further, I'll have to explain a little bit more about the game. Essentially, it was a dice game, which decides not only the "objectives" I have to accomplish, but also how many days I won't be able to cum.

I got kind of screwed in the game, because initially, I rolled a four, which meant I only had to go 4 days without being able to cum. It's always her perogative, of course, to extend the time. My happiness at the short time frame was short lived, becauses I ended up having to accomplish 5 objectives. One of those objectives is being restrained for two full hours until I get to cum, regardless of the 4 days. So, until I log a total of 2 hours being restrained, regardless of how long it takes, I don't get to cum. I also have to finish the other four objectives.

So, last night, I knew I wasn't going to be able to cum, but I couldn't resist touching her as she was next to me. Gentle caresses of her legs, arms, and thighs didn't really get her going. I figured she was just sleepy, to I boldly rolled on top of her and started kissing her. Her reaction? A great big smile ..... or more of a smirk ..... and then she said "oh, so I guess we're going to do this."

She immiedately grabbed my already super hard cock and started jerking me off. I was so hard and so horny, and she was going so fast, that I think she forgot that she shouldn't let me cum! I almost had to stop her myself before I blew.

I began licking and sucking her nipples, when she started pushing my head down. Taking the not so subtle hint, I eagerly went down and starting eating her out. She sighed contentedly as I went to town on her. Not to brag, but I'm really good at this aspect of lovemaking - always have been. (Probably one of the reasons she married me!!!)

It didn't take long before she was having a thundering orgasm. Now, as I'm sure you can imagine, I was unbelievably hard. I slid up to her and we began kissing again. My cock was positioned right at her entrance. I looked at her and without speaking, I got the right to enter her. Bliss!!! Slow, sensual movement made her post-orgasm fucking very enjoyable.

After a while she pushed me out, said she was tired, and then, rather wickedly, said "I'll bet you wish you got to cum. You know, it was your idea and game." The lilt in her voice and smirk on her face was just too much. She slowing pulled up her panties, gave me a quick kiss, and then rolled over to sleep.

She was right - it was my idea and my game - and I loved every second of it so far!

Of course, even though we started the game several days ago, I have not spent even 1 second restrained, so I know that my days of not being able to cum are going to be very long.

Sick

The wife is sick :(. She got a head cold and was feeling nauseous, so obviously, no playing around last night.

Knowing that she was feeling sick, I made sure to wash the dishes that had piled up in the sink and took out all of the garbage. She later reminded me that the leaves needed to be taken out too, so I did that.

After finishing, she was on the couch watching Project Runway, a show she loves. I asked if there was anything else she wanted me to do and she said "unless you can make me feel not nauseous anymore, nope." Sadly, since I couldn't make her stomach feel better, I gave her a quick kiss and headed upstairs.

I'm hoping she's feeling better tonight. We're supposed to go out to dinner with some friends while the kids are being watched.

Our History

There is so much background and information to get out there that I'm sorta overwhelmed and at a loss on where to start. Instead, I'll just go through what we've been experimenting with recently.

We've been married for longer than 10 years and we were fairly vanilla in our life and sex life. All along, I've been the one to be interested in D/S, Femdom or BDSM sexual play. We've engaged in various and infrequent aspects of all of those throughout the 10 years of marriage. Nothing sustained.

A couple of months ago, I approached her with the idea of a little tease and denial game. She didn't really understand it, so I explained that it would be fun for her to be in charge of any sexual contact between us, that essentially she could do anything she wanted and demand anything she wanted, all the while denying me any release until she wished.

She expressed some confusion, asking why I would want this and ask for clarification on what she could do, when etc. Why did I want this indeed? How do you explain the wants and desires of a sub? Clearly, the giving up of control to her is a huge turn on. For those guys who have never had the teasing, it does make you unbelievably horny. Sitting there, having someone give you blow job just to the point of no return, and then stopping, just makes you incredibly hard. Servicing her and then having to go to bed, all the while not knowing if she'll let you cum the next day, it's incredible.

Now, you've got to be doing this in a loving relationship, with a lot of communication. Because both party's needs have to be met. She can't simply ignore you and you can't simply beg her. Don't get me wrong - I'm not judging other people's ways of doing the Femdom or Tease & Denial - it's just that that method would never work for us.

And that's the key. It's for us. It's not something she is naturally drawn to and therefore I have to present these things to her. She certainly did not play with me every night. Nor did she tease me by email, or phone during the day, or at home with the kids around. We lived our normal lives. Some of the nights, after the we were in bed, she'd tease me, make me make her cum and then go to bed, but other nights we did nothing.

Despite what you might read in fantasy sites, I was not walking around with a hard on all day long. I was, however, walking around with a mental hard on. I was wondering throughout the day if tonight I'd be allowed to cum. I was wondering whether we'd get to play that night. I was extremely enthusiastic in making her cum. I was on edge (pun intended), wondering how far she would look into her personality and character to be a Dom. Our game did last about a week, and was highly pleasurable for me.

After our game was over and she had let me cum, I did approach her a couple of days later to get her feelings on what happened. It was the first time we had done any type of "fun" that was out of the vanilla arena in a long long time. So I was very hopeful she was interested in doing it again. She expressed that she did enjoy being in charge and did enjoy the teasing part.

This made me very happy, because not only did I foresee us doing it again in the future, but also because she liked it. As I'm sure many will agree, a person who doesn't like being a Dom is not going to be a good Dom!

Several weeks went by between us with normal, vanilla, relations. Those are fun too. But then I approached her about another game.

We just started two days ago. I'll update that as it goes on!!!!

Introduction

This is a blog for my wife - to let her know how much I love her. It's also a way for her to understand what the hell is going on in my head.

The title of this Blog tells you a little about what I intend to do here. It's cliche, but life is a journey, and I'll be using this to give a glimpse into a small portion of that overall journey.

As you can see from the counter at the bottom of the page, we have recently begun delving into Female Domination (Femdom.) There are a million blogs out there on Femdom, a million other hardcore Femdom websites and a million other hyperspecific blogs on Femdom. You can find WLM (Wife Led Marriage) sites, Chastity sites, D/S, Cuckold etc., everywhere. While I like and appreciate those sites, this site will not include hardcore pornography, overly explicit sex talk, or photographs. It will focus more on what we are doing, how we are liking it, and most importantly, how I am feeling about it.