After reading other blogs on this subject, and the comments to my own blog, I've started to take the initiative of being submissive to see how that develops, and I think it's working.
Prior to vacation she got a pedicure. While on vacation, she received several chips and we were in a place where nothing could be done to fix them. She was disappointed in the appearance, but since we've been so busy lately, finding time to get another pedicure, or even just taking the old polish off, was going to be difficult.
After I came home from work, and after the kids were in bed, she was working on the computer. We both still had a lot of things to do, so I quickly finished mine work. I knew her work was going to take about another 45 minutes.
Without telling her beforehand, I picked out a nice color nail polish and retrieved all of the necessary equipment. I sat down at her feet and removed her socks. She looked down at me with a look of "what in the hell are you doing?" I just said I knew her polish was bothering her, so I was going to give her a pedicure while she worked. She laughed, but didn't protest.
So there I was, on the floor, providing a very nice pedicure for her, while she went ahead and worked. It wasn't like she was ignoring me, but she definitely wasn't paying attention to me.
After I was done, she looked down and complimented me on the good job I had done. She was genuinely pleased with the result. (I should note, this wasn't the first time I've ever given a pedicure to her ..... or myself. I've done both throughout the years.)
She then said, "I should have you do this all time." "I would love to do that for you, as often as you want," was my reply.
Now, when she made her comment, she didn't really mean it the "Femdom" way originally. That sentence may sound weird, but what I mean is that she didn't say it as you would imagine a Femdom in a story would say. She was not trying to be dominant, sexual, or even teasing. It was said by a "vanilla" woman who, at the time, was very happy that her problem (her chipped nail polish) had been fixed, without any effort by her, without having to ask for it to be fixed, the process was pleasurable and she was very pleased with how her toes actually looked. Her comment was happy, content, relieved.
This whole situation couldn't have gone better, I thought. I satisfied my own submissive desires. Honestly, sitting at our wives feet, giving a pedicure to her, while she ignored us, or even just sat back enjoying being pampered, is a great feeling.
But then, the result was great too. I was very pleased because she was so pleased. That part brought me joy. Seeing her happy and appreciative made me happy.
And then, of course, is the simple fact that her comment and my response is another piece of the puzzle for her to realize what I've meant about a gradual change in our dynamic. Slow realization that she can ask for, and receive, these acts from me, all to my own pleasure, let alone hers. Also, the realization that what I've been talking about doesn't have to be these long, drawn out, thought out, events that need to be planned by her.
She is afraid of, and probably incapable of, creating and planning sexual scenarios. And while I've tried explaining to her that while I would love for her to do those things, that wasn't what I was asking in the first place. But I'm still hopeful that by doing these things for her, she does, at some point in the future, realize that she can ask/order me to do these things for her. I want her to be able to look at her toes, be annoyed that they are chipped, and then think - I'll get him to fix them when he gets home.