Wednesday, January 30, 2013

Wife Led Marriage

Last night, my wife had to go do something that was unpleasant, but something she had to do.  (I'm being intentionally vague so as to protect identities.)  Concurrently, she was on track to get her period today, so yesterday she had bad cramps and did not feel well.

Hearing that she was suffering from cramps, on the way home I picked up fresh fruit and dark chocolate and prepared it while she was out.  This morning, before I left for work, I made the coffee, made a fruit plate and arranged several pieces of chocolate on a plate and put it by her bedside.  She was very pleased this morning!

After thanking me through email, I wrote back "you're welcome.  I love doing those things for you.  Glad it made you happy.  Still looking for additional things to do for you."

Her response was decidedly WLM in my humble opinion.  Her response (edited to remove the non-related stuff) was: "...As for thinking of other things to do for me...  I really want for you to be able to quit your job and do something else you like.  I love that you spend time thinking of me and doing things for me but I'd rather you spend the time at this point focusing on getting a new job.  Not forever :-) just for a month or two.  My happiness will increase exponentially by seeing you walk out the door and go to a job that makes you happy, so that you can spend more time with me and the family."

If there is no humiliation, demand, or order, how can it be a WLM?  I have heard the terms Wife Led Marriage, Loving Female Authority or Female Led Relationship before and they all mean the same thing to me.  Reading her answer carefully, it is a combination of all three of those short hand monikers for our relationship.

She's expressing the gratitude, the love, but also telling me what to do to make her happy.  It all comes down to "what does she want?"  What does she want?  She wants the chocolate, she wants the toes painted, she wants those things, but she wants the other things too and is telling me it's going to make her happy.  So what am I going to do?  I'm not going to stop doing the nails, flowers or any of those things, but I'm also going to focus on the new job angle too.

What is still "funny" to me is that she does not realize that this is a WLM.  She doesn't focus on it at all.  She just does.  She is just who she is.  And I love her for it.

There have been a lot of posts that have been non-sexual.  It's not to say that we aren't having sex.  We are. There has been nothing kinky, no tease and denial, no chastity belts etc.  None of those things that I've tried to introduce in the past have stuck and I've stopped suggesting them.  Again, what's funny is that twice in the last month, after getting into bed and me bringing her off either one or two times with my tongue and/or fingers, she's said "now I'm too tired to reciprocate" and we've just gone to bed with me not having an orgasm.

In both of those times, I'm 100% convinced she's not doing it on purpose, with a conscious decision to deny me an orgasm.  She just felt too tired and wanted to go to bed.  So what is that?  It's a WLM!!!!!!  It's exactly how she wants to be!  She wanted to go to bed, so she did.  Again, I was perfectly happy to have that happen.

Do I crave more?  Yes.  Would I have wished for the chastity belt?  Would I have wished for more playfulness?  More teasing?  Absolutely.   Am I upset or sad that it did not happen?  Nope.

Tuesday, January 29, 2013

Not Everyone is Enlightened.

Look, I'm not going to stump for the idea that the world should be all WLM or FLR.  It makes perfect sense that men and women don't want it.  If that is what you and your wife or girlfriend want, then great!

But stories like this serve as a reminder that some people will react downright negatively if you so much as get an inkling away from the patriarchal "norm."  Poor guy in this story wanted to change his last name to his new wife's last name and the state of Florida went berserk.

I do love the guy's attorney's quote: "Apparently the state of Florida clings to the out-dated notion that treats women as an extension of a man," said Lazaro's lawyer, Spencer Kuvin, with Cohen & Kuvin in West Palm Beach. 

Sadly, though, the article reveals that only 9 states enable a man to change his name upon marriage: California, New York, Hawaii, Louisiana, Massachusetts, Oregon, Iowa, Georgia and North Dakota.

Wow.  It is 2013 right?  Why in the world would it matter to anyone if a man wanted to take his wife's name upon marriage?  Crazy stupid.  But that's just my opinion.

Thursday, January 24, 2013


More "boring", undeniably non-kinky stuff, but stuff she's loving more and more.

I did her toes on Tuesday night.  Just completely causal, both of us on the bed, watching tv, while I worked on making them nice.  They came out okay.  Not as good as I hoped.  The polish actually looked nice, but what I have not mastered yet is all of the other work that needs to be done to the toes to get them looking ready for the polish.  I did cut the nails in an effort to make them nice and round and smooth, but they were different lengths.  One pinkie toe nail was much smaller than the other one.  The other thing I didn't do well was pay attention to the cuticles.  I didn't remove any, lotion it or anything else.  So while the polish looked nice, with no smudges or missteps, the toes could have been better.

But, she mentioned many times on Wednesday that she was very happy with her toes and was happy whenever she saw them.  So that was great.

While at work yesterday, I decided to get a single rose for her and the plan was to, either while she was still sleeping (many times, she's still asleep before I leave for work) I would put the rose on the bed with a little love note.  I had the rose and the note ready and she was actually up and working by the time I left this a.m. While she was down stairs working, I quickly made the bed, folded her pajamas, and put the note and flower on the bed in the middle.

Got a text from her saying how much she loved it and it made her week!  In an effort to be playful, I teased her a bit, texting back "what, no more comments about making the bed and the pajamas?  Getting stale already?"  Her response was "NO!  Don't stop doing that.  I love it."

I'm going to start integrating making the coffee in the morning for her.  I've tried to do that in the past, but she's kind of persnickety on how she likes her coffee.  I need to figure out how to make it the same way she likes it.

Tuesday, January 22, 2013

Ahhhhh, that wonderful feeling

It is the little things.  I've mentioned the toenails before and how it isn't that important to her.  She likes it, but nothing special.  She had a pedicure from a salon a long long time ago and about 2 weeks ago it was wearing off.  She made a comment about how I'd have to do her toes for her soon.  It was a passing comment and nothing further was said about it.

Two days ago, she mentioned that I'd have to do her toes again.  I had made up my mind when she told me, that I would I would do her toes the first chance I got.  We couldn't do it that night, nor could we do it last night.  She did say last night "I took the polish off my toes today, but you're going to have to cut them and paint them tomorrow.  I'm not going to ask, you're just going to do it."  It was said in her happy, matter of fact, normal, voice.  I was feeling great, because without probably fully understanding everything, I do feel like she IS understanding the relationship, the power, our roles, and what makes us both happy.

It got even better though.  I've continued my habit of, as soon as I arrive home, making the bed and folding her pajamas on her side of the bed.  Last night, as we were getting in bed, she said that while she knows she's said it before, having the bed made and her pajamas folded is just such a nice thing, it makes her so happy, that she can't imagine it not happening in the future.  She said she hopes it never ends.  I told her that her reaction is the exact reason I do it for her.

It's getting better and better.  And now I've got to start thinking of more ways to keep this up for her.

Tuesday, January 15, 2013


I have been gone for way too long.  My wife and I are still very much in love.  But I'm sure more people (if they still exist) are interested in the WLM aspect, as opposed to whether we are still in "love."

First, there is an explanation for why I've been absent from the blog.  That explanation is that I found that I was spending wayyyyyyyyyy too much time thinking about the WLM concept, which was making me focus on the male centric, pornographic, fantasy desires as opposed to focusing on her.  My thoughts were being clouded by the desire for the CB-6000, creampie eating, being spanked etc., instead of focusing on our actual, real relationship.

I began coming home from work so desirous for a hardcore WLM that when she did not perform anything in  the sexual arena, from her own desire, I became sullen and resentful.  Most of the time, this was not communicated to her, but that almost made it worse.  If there are any actual women out there who are reading this blog because they are searching for information on the subject after their husbands/boyfriends expressed an interest, they are probably nodding their heads knowingly.

What I realized was that I needed to focus more on just us having fun together and taking the WLM aspect in stride, whenever it did occur.  I had tried to get her interested in "demanding" a massage from me, making me pamper her by painting her toenails or something similar.  I have to realize, however, that while I may enjoy those things, it is obviously not important to her.  If it's not important to her, then why should I continually force the subject?  It seemed as if when I did the toenails, she would enjoy it in the moment, but then I was always left to wonder whether she was enjoying it solely because she knew I enjoyed it?!??!  It was a vicious circle.

Instead, I realized that I should take the opportunities whenever they arose.  I offer to do things for her and/or just do things I know she will like.  For example - many times when I come home from work, her pajamas are on the tub in the master bathroom.  Many times, I would leave them there, or put them in the hamper.  Since she wears them multiple nights in a row, I now take them and fold them nicely and put them on bed.  She has certainly noticed and commented several times on how nice that is (she even said it's like being at a really nice restaurant when you get up to go to the bathroom and you come back and your napkin is nicely folded again on your chair.)

My point is that my focus now is on her and specifically things I know she likes.  I fix everything in the house.    I have made sure to do the home improvements I know she wants, but has not asked me to do.  That's the thing.  She doesn't ask or demand.  Nor does she want to.  She would never feel comfortable demanding that I paint her nails.

That doesn't mean we aren't in a WLM.  I'm much more focused on her and her needs and wants.  She truly appreciates everything.  It's actually kind of funny, because from her point of view, if I ever do approach her on a more "traditional" WLM, I think her answer would be "I have it great right now.  Why should I change it?  The only thing I'd end up doing more of is sexual things you like and I don't particularly enjoy."

She doesn't want to feed me my own cum.  She doesn't like dildos or vibrators.  She enjoys G spot orgasms (though I can't get her to squirt), so I recently purchased a G-Spot vibrator.  I used it on her a couple of nights ago and she was not impressed.  She stated that she would much rather have me inside her, instead of some plastic.  She's said that before.  So I won't be using the vibrator on her anymore.  It also means that she'll never want to put me in chastity cage and make me fuck her with a strap-on.

Don't get me wrong.  I wish we were more simpatico on those sexual activities.  It is somewhat disappointing that she is not interested.  On the other hand, I do get great satisfaction, and so does she, when I do things that help her and make her happy.  Making coffee for her in the a.m. so that she has it ready before she leaves.  Emailing dinner ideas and recipes.  Going shopping for her.  Doing the dishes after work.  Do P90X with her because that's what she wants to do.

Probably not the most interesting post but I think I'm living more of a WLM now than I had previously thought, despite the lack of femdom sexual activity.  And I believe that we are both happy.