Tuesday, November 24, 2009


I know that I'm trying to look at this in the long term, but it's starting to creep into my mind that she's not nearly as into it as I had originally thought.

There hasn't been a hint of Tease & Denial, Femdom.....anything, in a long time now. I have not broached the subject at all because I don't want to pressure or pester her into doing anything.

I'm still everything I had been before. I'm still offering to bring her wine, I'm still doing the dishes, I'm still doing other chores around the house, I'm still showing interest in her day etc. And don't get me wrong - I'm not doing these things solely as a way to "trick" her or get her to engage in Femdom or sex. I'm doing them because I have always done them and I love her.

What I have not received is any inkling from her that she's even thinking about it at all. I always understand when there are other issues that prevent engagement in relations. All she'd need to do is communicate that to me. Maybe she is thinking about it, but she's done nothing in her actions or her words to convey that.

The discouraging part is that we've had the discussions in the past where she admits that she needs to be better making time for us, to be more engaged. My option is to communicate to her how I've perceived these last couple of weeks, but I do not want her to agree with me and claim she'll do better in the future. We've had that dicussion many times. I don't want to have it again.


hersforever said...

I think the worst thing you can do is not communicate to her how you feel... because your feelings aren't going to change unless what she is doing changes. Maybe instead of asking her what she can do differently, ask her what you can do differently to help her? It may be a female led relationship, but it's still a relationship which means you are both a part of it. If she needs something different from you, maybe you need to find out what that is so that she's more inclined to take the lead.

Another One said...

Thanks - that's good advice. It would go better than asking her to do it differently, though I'm not at all convinced that it would bring the change that I hope for.

And to be very clear - I'm not asking for, or expecting, her to go from where she was, to the Femdom that others out there have achieved in their relationships. I don't expect her to, next week, go out and purchase a CB-6000 on her own, develop and impliment rules to adhere to, start certain punishments etc. That would be ideal, but not where I ever envision things getting.

Instead, slight aspects of it, at her own feelings is what I'm hoping for. Little comments, little gestures, little reminders.

When you comment "It may be a female led relationship..." well, that's just the thing. We are not there yet. I'm trying to impliment that, but it's not there yet. And while it seemed like it was trending towards it, the last couple of weeks (essentially since the 5th), there has been nothing.

While it's discouraging, I'm not giving up though!

kept by 7 said...

baby steps, The female animal that we worship is very unpredictable.Don't even try to guess what she is thinking. Keep being your submissive self and she will reward you when the time is right for her. Remember this is your fantasy and all new to her , she has to grow to crave what you have fantasized of all your life.
Have fun, you can still be a slave in your head.

Chaste Hubby said...

I agree with kept by 7. Hang in there and don't force it. Forcing things to progress at other than her pace can result in a complete shutdown of the life you desire. Also, while she may not be leading right now, keep on taking care of your princess and over time she will become your ruling queen. Best of luck and be patient.

Another One said...

Thank you for the comments. It's helping to remind to keep the faith!

At all Times said...

I feel for you and understand exactly where you are right now. I guess that the advice you have been given is good advice, I say guess, because I know how frustrated you must be feeling.

The simple fact is that women are just not the same as men, being dominant is just not natural for them. At the same time, they neither get anywhere near the same pleasure being dominant as we do from being submissive. I am sure that whilst you and I both are thinking constantly about our submission and just how we want to feel, how we would like to be treated, what would would like to told etc, our wives probably very raeley give it anywhere near the same amount of thought.

Even after two years, I am still the one that has to encourage Jane, to drop hints, to illicit more of a reaction. Without this "pressure" I am sure that nothing would happen. Is it wrong, probably yes, can I stop, no, does Jane mind, she hasn't ever said so, but her lack of self motivation is very frustrating. She is not stupid, I am sure that she could take far more advantage of me and my submission, but she chooses not to. When she decides its time to encourage my submission, she makes me feel so totally helpless and overpowered by her feminine charm and strength that I am desparate and pleading to serve her in whatever way she chooses. She knows she has this power, she can see that in every day life that I am there for her, and willing to submit, I do as I am told, I remain attentive and considerate and go about the household chores that I now own. In this way Jane is manipulating and controlling our relationship to her advantage, I am submissive and obedient to her, and the only thing that is missing is that more regular and simple form of acknowledgement that I crave so much. I am sure that denial, not just no sex, would go along way to making me feel more controlled, but whatever it is, it has to come from Jane, a simple sign that she acknowledges and wants to encourage my submission.

In some ways I have come to accpet that Jane is expressing her control in the way that she does, and therefore I have to accpet this. Just accpeting that it is what she wants is a form submission in itself, just maybe not as exciting as I would like.

If your communicating, then keep doing so, but I understand what you mean about not wanting that converstaion again.

Another One said...

AAT - Maybe you're right. Maybe, at this point in time, I should be still be the initiator of things. I have not had resistance to the suggestions in the past.

The only danger I've run into is controlling myself! My desires are much more frequent than hers. Trying to leave it up to her to initiate things is partly done to assure that I don't annoy her.

Mistress L said...

This seems to be the season for relationship troubles. Hopefully it'll turn around in both of your favors.