There is so much background and information to get out there that I'm sorta overwhelmed and at a loss on where to start. Instead, I'll just go through what we've been experimenting with recently.
We've been married for longer than 10 years and we were fairly vanilla in our life and sex life. All along, I've been the one to be interested in D/S, Femdom or BDSM sexual play. We've engaged in various and infrequent aspects of all of those throughout the 10 years of marriage. Nothing sustained.
A couple of months ago, I approached her with the idea of a little tease and denial game. She didn't really understand it, so I explained that it would be fun for her to be in charge of any sexual contact between us, that essentially she could do anything she wanted and demand anything she wanted, all the while denying me any release until she wished.
She expressed some confusion, asking why I would want this and ask for clarification on what she could do, when etc. Why did I want this indeed? How do you explain the wants and desires of a sub? Clearly, the giving up of control to her is a huge turn on. For those guys who have never had the teasing, it does make you unbelievably horny. Sitting there, having someone give you blow job just to the point of no return, and then stopping, just makes you incredibly hard. Servicing her and then having to go to bed, all the while not knowing if she'll let you cum the next day, it's incredible.
Now, you've got to be doing this in a loving relationship, with a lot of communication. Because both party's needs have to be met. She can't simply ignore you and you can't simply beg her. Don't get me wrong - I'm not judging other people's ways of doing the Femdom or Tease & Denial - it's just that that method would never work for us.
And that's the key. It's for us. It's not something she is naturally drawn to and therefore I have to present these things to her. She certainly did not play with me every night. Nor did she tease me by email, or phone during the day, or at home with the kids around. We lived our normal lives. Some of the nights, after the we were in bed, she'd tease me, make me make her cum and then go to bed, but other nights we did nothing.
Despite what you might read in fantasy sites, I was not walking around with a hard on all day long. I was, however, walking around with a mental hard on. I was wondering throughout the day if tonight I'd be allowed to cum. I was wondering whether we'd get to play that night. I was extremely enthusiastic in making her cum. I was on edge (pun intended), wondering how far she would look into her personality and character to be a Dom. Our game did last about a week, and was highly pleasurable for me.
After our game was over and she had let me cum, I did approach her a couple of days later to get her feelings on what happened. It was the first time we had done any type of "fun" that was out of the vanilla arena in a long long time. So I was very hopeful she was interested in doing it again. She expressed that she did enjoy being in charge and did enjoy the teasing part.
This made me very happy, because not only did I foresee us doing it again in the future, but also because she liked it. As I'm sure many will agree, a person who doesn't like being a Dom is not going to be a good Dom!
Several weeks went by between us with normal, vanilla, relations. Those are fun too. But then I approached her about another game.
We just started two days ago. I'll update that as it goes on!!!!