Another Pic

Love details in this picture by the photographer. Country kitchen, with the stark white of her lingerie. The pink heels are an interesting contrast. It draws the eyes directly to it, and then you notice the curve of her foot in those heels and how high they actually are.

The line on her calf is delicious.

She not stick thin - her leg is shapely and wonderfully sexy, especially how he's digging into her thigh a little.

I actually like that the faces are not in the photograph - so you're focusing more on the bodies than face.

Of course, he has a tremendous body too, just adding to the overall sexiness of the moment.



(P.S. - I should note that the last two photographs were taken from http://queentakesknight.tumblr.com/)

Hmmm

A little Friday fun.

I like pictures, but only when they tickle my fancy. This one? Well, who decides to include the vacuum in the background?

Normal part 2

Last night was a great night for us. Well, things didn't go well for her at work, and she was not happy, but it was out of her control. It wasn't anything she had done wrong, it's just that sometimes things don't work out. So, after a long time of stress at work all day, she was sitting on the love seat and I was sitting on the couch, discussing the day.

After we had a nice talk, she got up and came back with a snack to watch tv before going to bed. I knew she was trying to calm down after a long, difficult, stressful day, so I took the snack from her as she sat on the couch and I began to give her a massage, which she thoroughly enjoyed and needed. It ended with me on my knees, pleasuring her. There was no reciprocation. She was pleased, de-stressed and happy and we just went to bed.

Now, I'm positive that at the time it was occurring last night, she did not view it as anything "femdom", her being dominant, me being submissive, any type of WLM or anything kinky at all. She just viewed it as a husband being sensitive to his wife's needs.

To me, though, it served to fuel many of my submissive desires. On my knees. Even after I was done, and her pants were back on, I purposefully stayed on the floor, at her feet, while she sat on the couch, as we continued to talk. That she made no effort to reciprocate to me also fueled my submissive side. We both went to bed happy.

Today, acknowledging her difficult day yesterday, we texted many times. In one of the last ones, I told her I wanted to do something for her tonight, and that if she wanted anything in particular, to just ask me and I'll do it for her. She happily responded that she'd think of something.

We are no where near an acknowledged WLM. But a WLM is becoming more and more integrated into our relationship and she's embracing it as something normal and enjoyable. Her reaction to my text wasn't shock, embarrassment, surprise, disgust or fear. Instead of being apprehensive about what type of crazy sex game I was going to try to impose on her, or fear of unknown, or something, her reaction was one of immediate happiness. The more I keep doing things on my own (which I have) and the more I keep offering things, the more comfortable she is becoming with the idea of the relationship, even if it is not yet specifically acknowledged.

Now, what she comes up with tonight should be interesting. As much as I would love it, I know that I won't come home to her with a strap-on and a collar. I'm sure it will be something as simple as a massage, a bath or a pedicure or something like that. But I will love doing that for her more than the strap-on fantasy because I'll be doing it for her and it'll be what she wants. And as the days, months, and years go on, she may become more and more open to other things.

Normal

Normal is so non-descriptive that it is a useless term. Most people use the term "normal" to mean "the majority." The problem is that they then judge the people in the minority as being deviant. The faulty logic usually goes like this: the majority of people live in a household which is male dominated, so male dominated households are normal. If you live in a female dominated household, you are deviant, your thoughts and lifestyle are subject to ridicule and you're not as important or valuable as the "normal" people.

In fact, anyone who studies human sexuality realizes that the spectrum for sexual activities is so diverse that there is no such thing as "normal." Normal is defined as "conforming to the standard or the common type." Any type of non-vanilla sex may be considered deviant by the vanilla people, but all of this so-called deviant behavior is actually so prevalent and common, that it can only be considered "normal" in the true definition of that word.

Outwardly, the majority of the people present their vanilla selves to others, but then in the bedroom, they engage in the so-called deviant behavior. There are no shortages of surveys which reveal that Americans in particular are much more adventurous in bedroom than anyone actually realizes. While anonymous polls show that more than 50% have engaged in BDSM activities in the bedroom, generally your co-worker is not going to reveal to you that he tied up his wife the other night. Or his wife spanked him last night.

Essentially, what occurs is that everyone thinks everyone else is vanilla in the bedroom. I know that if you polled all my friends, none would even come close to guessing what I like and dislike in the bedroom.

Which just goes to show that there should be no judging what other people like to do in the bedroom. As long as those two consenting adults are happy together, it works for them, then those people should actually be applauded, not ridiculed!

I'm not even sure why having a lifestyle or view that is not the "norm" is considered deviant. More specifically, I'm confused as to why WLM is considered deviant or odd.

The personality spectrum for males is wide, from extremely masculine to extremely feminine and everywhere in between. The same for females. So when two individuals develop a relationship, is it really that difficult to believe and/or understand that they will have their own unique interaction? An interaction that, for them, makes them happy?

This concept dovetails into the "gradual" concept I posted about before. I was wondering why most people who discuss WLM state that when introducing it to the wife, it must be dealt with caution and trepidation, as if the idea is deviant. To me, expressing WLM needs and desires to your wife should be no different than her expressing whatever needs and desires she wants to you. It's not very realistic, though, I realize.

My issue is to slowly introduce the concept to her on such a gradual basis, that, at least between us, it becomes normal in her eyes, as opposed to any type of deviant thing. Instead of sitting her down and explaining that I want a full WLM, that I want her to take control of my orgasms and put me in a chastity device 24/7, that I want her to put forth a series of chores I have to do, etc., I've taken to just offering things to her.

If I'm feeling submissive, I'll let her know that I would like to do something for her, or that I'd like to serve her. I'll communicate to her that if she wants something done, like a massage or a pedicure, I'll be very happy to do it. I'll let her know that if she would like to order me to do anything that night, she's free to do so. It's not ideal, and not how I want it to be ultimately, but my hope is that more and more that I do those things, the more and more she gets used to it, so that eventually, we keep growing into a more outwardly WLM.

Gradual

My decision to move slowly, gradually and less "in your face" about adopting a more WLM has been reaping rewards, however slight they may be.

Instead of bombarding my wife with discussions about a WLM, or Femdom sexual activities, I've started just to slowly try to incorporate WLM ideals into the marriage on a "normal", day-to-day basis. An example is the pedicure I gave to her. When that was offered to her, I did not explicitly mention WLM or Femdom, or me being submissive. Instead, it was offered as "I'd like to do this for you."

I have continued to offer to do things for her, but again, without any explicit or overt mention of WLM. Parenthetically, she wouldn't even know what WLM stands for, as I've never discussed that with her, though I have used the terms Femdom, submissive, dom, etc.

By doing this, she's come to the understanding, I think, that she can order me to do anything, and I'd gladly do it. Of course, I've let her know that, but actually realizing that I'm not kidding is a different story. Since trying this tactic, and making it more and more of a normal thing, I do believe she is accepting an embracing it.

She's been a little under the weather recently - nothing major. She's still working and not requiring any special treatment. While it's been getting better, she has some lingering issues she can't seem to shake. Today, we were emailing each other about planning events in the summer and, in the process, I inquired how she was feeling today and then said "if I can do anything, let me know." Now, this is a normal exchange between a husband and wife. One is sick, the other offers to help. Absolutely nothing WLM about that.

However, in response, she said that it sucked she wasn't as much fun lately because of the sickness, and then said "I'll make it up to you ... or let you make it up to me!"

Maybe I'm just in a good mood and reading too much into it, but I don't think that's something she would have sent before. Bringing it up on her own, thinking about it on her own, is new. Feeling comfortable enough to bring it up during a vanilla conversation is new. And it makes me believe that she has been enjoying the things I've been doing for her to the point where she wants more. All good things in my book.

The Relationship

Susan's Pet brought up a slew of interesting points in his comment on the "Future" post (http://shes-a-wonderful-wife.blogspot.com/2010/02/future.html). I am going to address them because they were thought provoking, and worthy of a full post.

1) Susan's Pet wrote: "I must guess that you have not been married for many years, and still see the world through rosy-colored glasses." I took the term "rosy-colored glasses" to mean that I am unrealistically expecting the best of all possible results. I have to say that is not true. In no way do I ever expect that she'll be the perfect embodiment of a Dominant or that we'll end up living in a perfect Femdom relationship from my point of view. I don't think that any type of marriage is like that.

On the other hand, I do feel optimistic that as the concepts are introduced and dealt with on a more frequent basis, that we can develop a relationship that incorporates significant Femdom aspects, that will be appealing to us both. As mentioned before, we have engaged in Femdom and she has liked to participate. So, I do think that it will be incorporated.

2) Susan's Pet wrote: "It is unlikely that your wife will see your needs the way you see them, even if you stay married for decades. We all have our needs, and it is unlikely that yours and hers will coincide perfectly." I would agree with this, but again, I don't think that's possible in almost any marriage. It would be remarkable if that ever occurred.

Dan Savage (http://www.thestranger.com/seattle/SavageLove?oid=3489193) recently addressed a woman who sought advice regarding her husband's desire to have anal sex with her. His response, I thought, was spot on. He wrote: "I think we should all be—as I've written about a hundred thousand times—good (in bed), giving (of pleasure, of indulgences), and game (for very nearly anything), aka GGG. And I frequently like to remind married people—particularly, married people who value monogamy—that they willingly assumed sole responsibility for their spouses' sexual fulfillment. That said, NEA, we are each entitled to our likes and dislikes. While it would be wonderful if every couple's sex life consisted entirely of acts that both partners found equally thrilling—so egalitarian! So fairzees!—a fulfilling sex life is too important, particularly for monogamous couples, to trust in coincidence alone."

Married couples are almost always not going to have perfectly synced libidos, likes and dislikes etc. On the other hand, if my wife likes something, even if it doesn't excite me like it does her, I'm going to do it and try to keep doing it for her because she likes it. Expecting that you can have an intelligent conversation with your wife about doing something sexually different and having her be game in trying it is not far fetched. That's the way it should be. If it's a "hard limit" for her, of course it's not going to be done. And she's been willing to do certain things, but not others.

Susan's Pet is definitely correct, because at this stage in her life, I do not expect her to all of a sudden become extremely kinky, just like it would be unlikely if I all of a sudden became very vanilla.

Getting to the middle, however, I think is something we are actually moving towards.

3) Susan's Pet wrote: "However, that does not mean the end of all. Try to put her needs before yours, for example, '... I explained that while she doesn't have to have sex every night, she can always just tease me...' has to do with your needs, not hers."

I already do put her needs before mine. He was correct that in the way the sentence was written, it sounds more about my needs than hers. Even without an outwardly identified and adopted WLM or Femdom, we virtually lead that type in the bedroom anyway. Whenever we make love, the focus is already on her. My orgasms are almost secondary. 90% of the time, we are in the cowgirl position because that's what she likes best. She is multi orgasmic, so she usually has two or three orgasms to my one.

My point in writing the sentence regarding "she doesn't have to have sex every night, she can always just tease me..." was actually more about her than about me. When having discussions about this lifestyle, or sex in general, her response has always been that she doesn't want sex as frequently as I do. She has a tendency shut down after the kids are in bed, to focus on de-stressing and, consequently, we do not spend time together because I'm gone at work all day. In trying to increase our interaction, I tried to impress upon her that any little interaction is better than nothing. So while I understand and respect that she does not want to have sex every night, I only suggested that we do something else. I just suggested other ways in which to handle the situation. Ignoring your spouse is not healthy. Acknowledging the other, even if it is to simply say "not tonight", is much better.

After a long weekend, she was very tired last night. I ended up watching a movie upstairs, while she watched the Oscars down stairs. We didn't interact at all, but I was respecting her desire to be left alone. Today, completely unprovoked by me, she explained herself about last night and then said that we should do something fun tonight. My response was asking if she wanted any service tonight, like a massage, manicure, anything she needed me to do, and she responded that she really wanted a pedicure.

I've been very happy all day long since that exchange. Happy that she acknowledged last night, happy that she suggested we do something fun, happy that she responded enthusiastically to my query about serving her and happy because of the anticipation of doing all of that for her. I immediately began brainstorming on what to do for her in addition to just painting her toes. I'm sure she just thinks that she'll receive new nail polish, but I'm going to do the whole nine yards for her, with a robe, foot soak, foot scrub, foot massage, drinks for her and some strawberries and cream. It's going to be a great evening!

4) Susan's Pet wrote: "Find out what turns her on, and work on that while getting a kick out of serving her like that. It may not work, but what do you have to lose? Being selfish in the way of needing to serve someone is all right. Just don't be selfish in expecting her to serve you. Unless you are a dominant, it is the wrong emotion."

That is the trick. I am trying to do that for her. It is a long process. In our domestic life, I already do alot for the household and her. Dishes, cleaning, kids, fixing things etc. She is an over achiever, high energy type anyway, so getting her to relax and be pampered is difficult. She feels guilty if I'm doing house work and she's relaxing. I've explained that she deserves to relax, deserves to be happy that that it does make me happy to do these things for her. Still, her nature is to be moving around, not relaxing.

And having her take the next step, however, in an active dominant position is different than just me doing things to please her. It's a slight differentiation. I do like to do things for her and she enjoys them. Having her overtly acknowledge her power, or acknowledge my surrender to her power takes it to a different level that is difficult to achieve.

My mission is to please her. And while I am not demanding that she "please me" in any certain way, I do believe that the Dominant is under a requirement to make sure the sub is happy as well. How that is accomplished is up to her, of course. We are in a relationship, and I know she loves me, so she does want me to be happy too.

Future Part 2

I read many blogs and other information on Femdom and WLM. I'm not referring to pure "porn." I'm referring to sites that discuss the issue of Femdom/WLM. When reading these, it is clear that, in the vast majority of cases, when the husband is the one to bring the issue of Femdom/WLM to the wife, it takes a long time for the wife to fully embrace and engage. Many report that it took over two years for them to fully be open, embrace and engage in the lifestyle.

She has known since before we were married about my predilection towards Femdom. And, as I've mentioned before, we had dabbled in it many times, but never ever on any sustained basis. So, when I brought up the Game back in October to her, it didn't come as a shock to her. Some of the specifics of the game were shocking to her, but the whole concept was not out of the blue. Based on that, I felt I had a little bit of a head start.

Knowing her as I do, I was under no delusion that she would embrace everything about it immediately and fully. I thought, even at the beginning, was that it would be a long process.

What I have realized recently is that our current issues have nothing to do with WLM, her interest or lack of interest, but simply everything to do with our relationship in general. And that means both of us being too busy, stresses due to children and finances, getting older, working out etc.

The light bulb sorta went on last night when, as we were in bed going to sleep, we were discussing just day to day life, what she had done that day, what I had done, family etc., and it was a very nice talk. In essence, catching up. At some point, we discussed the lack of intimate activity recently, and it was not accusatory between either of us. It was just a recognition of where we were. But within that discussion, we also talked briefly about the Game, and Femdom in general, and she stated again that she really did enjoy it.

I was very surprised and happy, however, when she actually stated that what she did enjoy about it the most was that we were intimate more frequently, we talked more and she did enjoy the attention. That was music to my ears.

At All Times stated "I think I have proved to Jane that this is not just sexual, it’s not just a game, and that I am not seeking to change our relationship into something seedy, but is based upon our love and devotion for each other as a couple." That sentiment is exactly what I am seeking. Our discussion last night leads me to believe that she at least recognizes that this is my true intention. That it is not something for her to do so I can get my own rocks off.

Subtly, too, I enjoyed the idea that the discussion was perceived as "normal." There was a communication about the subject without any apprehension, nervousness, disgust or anything like that.

Many people have been kind enough to read my blog and leave comments, which I greatly appreciate, and have provided quality advice. One such piece of advice has been that it is a long process and to let her grow into the idea at her pace. Sometimes it is difficult to do so, but the discussion last night shows how the advice is correct.

Of course, now I just need to find time to be with her!