Wednesday, March 17, 2010

Gradual

My decision to move slowly, gradually and less "in your face" about adopting a more WLM has been reaping rewards, however slight they may be.

Instead of bombarding my wife with discussions about a WLM, or Femdom sexual activities, I've started just to slowly try to incorporate WLM ideals into the marriage on a "normal", day-to-day basis. An example is the pedicure I gave to her. When that was offered to her, I did not explicitly mention WLM or Femdom, or me being submissive. Instead, it was offered as "I'd like to do this for you."

I have continued to offer to do things for her, but again, without any explicit or overt mention of WLM. Parenthetically, she wouldn't even know what WLM stands for, as I've never discussed that with her, though I have used the terms Femdom, submissive, dom, etc.

By doing this, she's come to the understanding, I think, that she can order me to do anything, and I'd gladly do it. Of course, I've let her know that, but actually realizing that I'm not kidding is a different story. Since trying this tactic, and making it more and more of a normal thing, I do believe she is accepting an embracing it.

She's been a little under the weather recently - nothing major. She's still working and not requiring any special treatment. While it's been getting better, she has some lingering issues she can't seem to shake. Today, we were emailing each other about planning events in the summer and, in the process, I inquired how she was feeling today and then said "if I can do anything, let me know." Now, this is a normal exchange between a husband and wife. One is sick, the other offers to help. Absolutely nothing WLM about that.

However, in response, she said that it sucked she wasn't as much fun lately because of the sickness, and then said "I'll make it up to you ... or let you make it up to me!"

Maybe I'm just in a good mood and reading too much into it, but I don't think that's something she would have sent before. Bringing it up on her own, thinking about it on her own, is new. Feeling comfortable enough to bring it up during a vanilla conversation is new. And it makes me believe that she has been enjoying the things I've been doing for her to the point where she wants more. All good things in my book.

3 comments:

At all Times said...

I am glad to her that things seem to be going much better for you. There’s no doubt that a far more subtle approach with your wife is likely to be far more effective than constant conversations as you have described in the past. Especially, not using words like Femdom, submissive, dom, I can’t imagine many vanilla wives being over keen on their use in the context of your relationship with them.

I suspect that most submissive husband’s figure this out for himself eventually, primarily because their wives have not responded to their fumbled attempts at communicating what it is that they want. At the same time comes a realisation that what they had fantasised about, what they had planned for their relationship, is neither realistic nor acceptable to their wives. Fantasising is one thing, expecting your wife to completely change her towards you and how she treats you is in reality not going to happen, at least not how you intended.

What you can do, is to build up a mutual understanding of what each other like and dislike, what it is that your wife would like you to be like and do for her. This I am sure, from experience, may in the short-term help establish a more reasonable WLM to start with but may well not be enough longer term; hence you may experience the “ups and downs” that many others have talked about. That’s when communication becomes so important, but nonetheless a difficult subject to explain. In my own case, this all comes down to the level of feeling controlled, and the sense I get from Jane as to how much she is actively wanting and encouraging my submission. In other words, enjoying and demonstrating her control in everyday life. Not such an easy thing to ask for, “I want you to enjoy it more”, “Can you please be a little firmer with me”, “can you punish me”, “can you think of more ways to spontaneously acknowledge and demonstrate your enjoyment by giving me more orders and even humiliate me, tease me and then deny me”, can you be more flirty, use your feminine sexuality to overwhelm my submissive desire”, “Oh and by the way how was your day dear”.

I certainly don’t have all the answers, but at least you now appear to have started down the right track.

Guys Who Wish They Were Girls said...

From what I have read, guys who shock their wives have a tougher time in the lifestyle that those who are subtle.

I may be a different case because I am a sissy, so my wife knew of my submissive tendencies from the start. But my advice has always been to start slowly, be nice, be helpful, listen and obey. Offer to do ALL the housework so she can relax. (My wife still loves to cook, so I stay away from that!)

Offer back rubs, lotion rubs, foot rubs. Lots of kissing, cuddling and lots and lots of oral sex -- just for her, never you.

My wife happens to really love this. Frankly, I don't know what wife wouldn't. But she is an assertive woman to begin with. Loves being in charge of things. That certainly helps when you are a submissive sissy.

Another One said...

Yep - I'm trying to walk that fine line between pushing for a change in the relationship, offering and doing many of the things you listedd and being patient.

It's tough, because trying to determine when to push for more interaction and when to decide to see if she develops it on her own slowly.