Tuesday, April 6, 2010


Normal is so non-descriptive that it is a useless term. Most people use the term "normal" to mean "the majority." The problem is that they then judge the people in the minority as being deviant. The faulty logic usually goes like this: the majority of people live in a household which is male dominated, so male dominated households are normal. If you live in a female dominated household, you are deviant, your thoughts and lifestyle are subject to ridicule and you're not as important or valuable as the "normal" people.

In fact, anyone who studies human sexuality realizes that the spectrum for sexual activities is so diverse that there is no such thing as "normal." Normal is defined as "conforming to the standard or the common type." Any type of non-vanilla sex may be considered deviant by the vanilla people, but all of this so-called deviant behavior is actually so prevalent and common, that it can only be considered "normal" in the true definition of that word.

Outwardly, the majority of the people present their vanilla selves to others, but then in the bedroom, they engage in the so-called deviant behavior. There are no shortages of surveys which reveal that Americans in particular are much more adventurous in bedroom than anyone actually realizes. While anonymous polls show that more than 50% have engaged in BDSM activities in the bedroom, generally your co-worker is not going to reveal to you that he tied up his wife the other night. Or his wife spanked him last night.

Essentially, what occurs is that everyone thinks everyone else is vanilla in the bedroom. I know that if you polled all my friends, none would even come close to guessing what I like and dislike in the bedroom.

Which just goes to show that there should be no judging what other people like to do in the bedroom. As long as those two consenting adults are happy together, it works for them, then those people should actually be applauded, not ridiculed!

I'm not even sure why having a lifestyle or view that is not the "norm" is considered deviant. More specifically, I'm confused as to why WLM is considered deviant or odd.

The personality spectrum for males is wide, from extremely masculine to extremely feminine and everywhere in between. The same for females. So when two individuals develop a relationship, is it really that difficult to believe and/or understand that they will have their own unique interaction? An interaction that, for them, makes them happy?

This concept dovetails into the "gradual" concept I posted about before. I was wondering why most people who discuss WLM state that when introducing it to the wife, it must be dealt with caution and trepidation, as if the idea is deviant. To me, expressing WLM needs and desires to your wife should be no different than her expressing whatever needs and desires she wants to you. It's not very realistic, though, I realize.

My issue is to slowly introduce the concept to her on such a gradual basis, that, at least between us, it becomes normal in her eyes, as opposed to any type of deviant thing. Instead of sitting her down and explaining that I want a full WLM, that I want her to take control of my orgasms and put me in a chastity device 24/7, that I want her to put forth a series of chores I have to do, etc., I've taken to just offering things to her.

If I'm feeling submissive, I'll let her know that I would like to do something for her, or that I'd like to serve her. I'll communicate to her that if she wants something done, like a massage or a pedicure, I'll be very happy to do it. I'll let her know that if she would like to order me to do anything that night, she's free to do so. It's not ideal, and not how I want it to be ultimately, but my hope is that more and more that I do those things, the more and more she gets used to it, so that eventually, we keep growing into a more outwardly WLM.

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