Wednesday, April 28, 2010

Personality

In addition to my own desire for a more WLM, part of the reason I believed this was something that she would embrace is that she already has a dominant personality. And, in many ways, we already had incorporated certain traditional WLM aspects without ever any overt acknowledgment.

Still, a recent discussion with her now has me wondering about the viability of the WLM, and it doesn't even have anything to do with sex!

In a nutshell, she likes/thrives on conflict. Now, conflict does not mean arguing, yelling, disagreements, or anything negative. The conflict I'm talking about is two strong personalities butting heads on an issue to come to the best possible solution. The discussions that occur, with both people bringing out the salient points is something that drives the intellect on her side (well, and mine too) and we have been successful in this interaction.

I have found that when I begin to agree with her all the time, or do what she says all of the time, she does not actually like it nearly as much and gets less lively. So now I'm sort of at a loss how to reconcile this with the future.

6 comments:

Anonymous said...

As a man in a WLM it's sometimes an implied responsibility on your part to anticipate the needs of your spouse. In order to do this you need to know her deeply, get inside her head and learn what makes her tick. Once you're intimate with your wife's soul you can emulate everything she desires and express them in her favor. Similar to a mirrored reflection of her, but as interpreted through you (which makes the exchange unpredictable and surprising. She doesn't want a clone of herself, after all).

So, if your spouse has a witty sense of humor, offer a brand of humor she appreciates. If she likes intelligent conversation, meet it in kind. If she thrives on romance, delve into your romantic side. If she's playful, be young at heart. In the end you'll be everything that entices her desires and sparks her imagination.

That's the benefit of being in an established relationship: the connections which drew you and your wife together in the beginning are still there, and now you can magnify them through WLM.

Remember, your goal isn't to be a doormat. Your goal is to be a mountain; something your wife can marvel at, appreciate, and brag about. And if she chooses to indulge in her darker side from time to time, she'll find it a noble challenge to conquer that mountain.

Selena and Dymion said...

I agree with Anonymous' points, and I would add one or two of my own.

Instead of seeing things as "she thrives on conflict", perhaps it would be better to seeing it as she wants someone who is strong. My own experience and observations over the years have shown me that dominant women prefer partners that are strong, intelligent, witty, and actually have something worthwhile to conquer or control. There is no challenge or interest in dominating a doormat.

It doesn't mean that you can't/shouldn't be obedient, of service, and treat her like the queen she is. Your strength of character will make your obedience and attention to her all the more engaging.

The dichotomy, done properly, should facilitate and encourage her feelings about the FLR/WLM dynamics.

Good luck

Dymion
Owned & collared by Goddess Selena

vs-boy said...

You can have your pie and eat it too. The fact that a queen wants a smart advisor at her side doesn't make her less of a queen. On the contrary, the best queen would be able to select the best advisor.

I'd say keep trying, but remember that the way to get what you want from your relationship is to give her what SHE wants. She wants an engaging, intelligent partner. Consider yourself at her service when you strive to be the best partner you can.

Now if only it was that easy, right?

Good luck!

At all Times said...

I can only agree with what's been said so far. being in a wife led marriage is finally going to be down to submitting your your wife and what she wants, even if it does not meet your own desires and fantasies of what a WLM should be like.

Once you have got over this mental blockage, you should still be able to take a lot od submissive feelings from just knowing that you are giving your wife she wants. After all isn't she the one that is dictating your behaviour, making you be something that sahe wants.

Sure you still need the sexual arousal and confirmation that she is in control, but you still can.

Another One said...

Thanks for all the comments - definitely insightful and enlightening. I can see now that I've approached it slightly off.

I'm sure that any time I've ever broached the subject of a little Femdom or WLM, she has an idea of a sniveling little worm, saying "yes Mistress" to anything she says. Of course, I have NOT ever done that, nor would I ever intend it, because I know she would not like it. But, her "knowledge" of Femdom is most likely steeped in the stereotypical.

I still have my work cut out for me in introducing the concepts to her.

fur sissy said...

Another One,

There have definitely been some good comments left so far. You are correct that you may have to change your approach a bit.

Building off of what Anon and Dymion have already said, she is more likely to accept your role as a sidekick or complimentary role: Robin to her Batwoman, an advisor/knight to her as Queen, etc.

There is a way to balance things but it can be a slippery slope on which to tread. Give her your honest opinion, plead your case, stand up for what you believe in, but always give her the final call on the matter. Let her follow her gut and judgment. Be supportive if her decision doesn't turn out right or the way she wanted it to. Accept full responsibility if she follows your advice and things turn out negatively. The last thing you would want is for her to start second-guessing herself and avoid exerting power because she feels guilty/responsible if she chooses the wrong path. Find a way to make her feel good about herself for steering the ship, whether those waters are calm or rough.

As she grows confident and accustomed to having the last word she is more likely to enjoy this role.