Monday, October 31, 2011

Is She More Interested?

There have been some great things that give me hope for a future WLM, to whatever extent that might be. On the other hand, it could just be that she is enjoying my continued efforts to be in her service. Not only do I perform the tasks that she wants, but I also attempt to perform tasks that I know she will like, without being asked.

I have made coffee for her in the morning, before going to work so it will be ready when she wakes up.

I have put love notes where she will eventually find them.

I did extra work around the house (I already do a lot around the house)

And then other little things, like one night, as she was getting into bed, she said "damn, I forgot to get water for the night." Instead of saying anything, or making a big deal out of it, while I was getting ready for bed, I went downstairs, got water and brought it to her. She was very appreciative.

In addition, on her own, she began a little tease and denial game. One night, she began rubbing me in bed and then stopped, telling me that I would have to wait. We had a lot of fun for a couple of days, though it was not a long denial period. I thoroughly enjoyed it because it was all her idea - I had not brought up T&D for a long time.

One night she asked me if I would do her toenails. I happily agreed. As I set everything up, she turned on the tv, trying to find something to watch. She noticed that we had dvr'd a new "Private Practice", a show she loves, but I loath. She mentioned that she'd find something else to watch because she knew I disliked it. I immediately told her that she could watch it and, again, she was very appreciative.

In way, these are all very good things. I'm satisfying my own urges by being in her service as much as possible. She's definitely appreciative of the things I'm doing. The familiar refrain, however, from a male sub trying to get a vanilla wife to enjoy a WLM is the actual acknowledgment from her that she is the more dominate one in the relationship.

We have not discussed or agreed that ours will be a WLM. And while I fully agree that in a WLM, it should be about her and what she wants, I will still need to know that she is actually doing what she wants, as opposed to what she thinks I want. Or, she not thinking about it at all. Because if she is not even thinking about it, then it will a vicious cycle where I crave the WLM, but she is not actively engaging in that dynamic, causing some consternation on my part.

Now, my situation as it stands, however, is NOT one in which I am frustrated. I'm not frustrated because we have never agreed to have a WLM. This is more about how I believe we are progressing towards a WLM. Where we ultimately end up is still unknown, but I am happy that we are progressing.

Yes, she asked for me to do her nails instead of telling me that I was going to do them. Yes, technically I allowed her to watch Private Practice. Had I said "no, let's watch something else" she would have watched something else.

On the other hand, after many of these things, she said "you're too good to me." And that is something I hope to remind her of in the future when I believe she will be receptive to discussing an adoption of the WLM ideal.


Anonymous said...

Obviously I can't speak with any certainty about how your WLM will develop or not, only to say that all the tings you have mentioned in thois post happened or are happening in my relationship with Jane. Even after 4 years, I am still not convinced that Jane really deep down wants a WLM, she still apologises to me on occassion, and still seeks my approval for some things.

Like you, and most others, I want Jane to want this, to enjoy being and expressing herself as the dominant partner, but it always seems like it is me that has to spark any reaction or concession to my submission.

It still feels like anything sexually linked to be WL, is a performance for my benefit, and once I have orgasmed, she feels as though she has done "her bit" to satisfy my desire, but not hers. This is why I don't think that she wants to deny me because she wants an begining and end to it and not for it to carry on for any longer than necessary.

Sorry to moan, but I just felt like it.

Anonymous said...

For my wife and I, the issue lies in her own low self-esteem. It is an issue she is aware of and it inhibits her natural Domness (if there is such a word).
I do what I can such as telling her how beautiful, wonderful and adventurous she is, but sometimes she doesn't hear that and instead hears her own inadequacies real or imagined.
You might also try talking about how far she has come in such a short time and how much you appreciate all her efforts and talk about what changes the future will have. In this way you compliment her for trying something new and you open her up to the idea of more changes.
As for my wife and I, we are still evolving and having fun.
Good luck on your adventure.

Anonymous said...

Anon- you made some helpful thoughts here for me, thank you

Another- Keep going, hopefully things will keep progressing well there!

Vanessa Chaland said...

I love how you go into detail of the things you do to make her life easier and to treat her like a queen. :)