Friday, July 22, 2011

Wrapping up the Chastity Experiment

A lot of additional things that are blog worthy happened after the last post (which occurred in May) and today that I will ultimately report. However, after the cage came off, it never went back on, so I can summarize where we are with the chastity idea.

It was a great experience for me. I loved it. I would willingly go back in if she ever asked. And I'd go back in for however long she wanted. This probably does not come as a shock to anyone reading this blog.

The more pertinent question, of course, is what does she want! My interpretation of our discussions about the device, my interpretation on how she enforces the "non-device" chastity, and my interpretation of how she dealt with me being in the device leads me to believe that a chastity device is something that may occur in the future. This is why I've previously said that while I'm no longer in the device and since it was taken off she's never attempted to put it back on, I was still optimistic about the future.

I believe she enjoyed playing with me while I was in the device. She wasn't faking anything. Her texts indicated a playful side. Even the teasing, she enjoys. On the other hand, I know that she was not pleased with the lack of cleanliness. That's a turn-off for her.

The overriding issue is that she does not focus on, or think about, kink unless prompted. Meaning, I can't ever really imagine her coming up to me one night, completely unprompted, and stating: "here is the cb-6000. Put it on. You're mine."

That's a specific example. As a more generalized idea, I do not believe that she's ever going to be driven to do anything kink related on her own. The only things she'll ever do will occur after being prompted by a discussion.

Now, we haven't fully fixed our issues that occurred in May. Only time will fix those. So, even after all of that, and after all we've been through these last couple of months, we are still not fully into a chastity lifestyle. We are practicing male chastity in a way because I'm not supposed to masturbate unless given permission, and not supposed to cum unless given permission. But even under those "rules" she makes me cum - and only every once in a while denies me because she wants.

Will she be receptive if I asked her to put me back into the device? I think she would say yes, absolutely. But therein lies the rub. I would have to ask. Then again, being put in because I ask is fine with me and it's a step in the right direction. In order to make it more pleasurable for her, though, I would suggest that she let me out every morning to take a shower, clean everything, and then be put back in for the day.

Sure, that would "ruin" some of the fun, but still, the device is more of a play thing anyway. I mean, if I really wanted to get out of the device, or do something to make myself cum while in the device, I could accomplish that.


sub cuckhubby said...

Although the focus should be about what she wants, don't forget that you two are in a marriage and sometimes it can also be about what you want too. I've learned a lot in my own journey with my wife, and to have a healthy relationship both sides should want to do things to make each other happy.

So my advice on that is to take awhile to lay low, and if she hasn't brought up the chastity device in a couple of months or so, bring it up when the mood is right. Just tell her that you were thinking of how hot that was and ask if she wants to do it again.

It's a common misconception that if you bring up a kink to a vanilla wife, she will completely shun you. If she really loves you, and she had fun doing it last time, she's going to agree to another session. That's when you make it worth her while so she will like it more and more.

Giles English said...

It may be that she's not sure you enjoyed your adventure, or is uncomfortable asking for something quite so very pervy, or hasn't worked out her own feelings about it, or is unsure whether she went "too far". Perhaps she likes having you locked down but doesn't like holding the key.

So, I think the ball is still in your court. Why not Google your way to sorting out the hygiene problem first, then simply appear in bed wearing it; "I've sorted out the cleaning, so I thought I'd give it another go."

At all Times said...

I don't think that your wife is very different to most vanilla wives.

I don't think that many women are driven by their sexual needs, or would be turned on by chastity play for example. They may participate at their husband's request, but it's not something that they desire or turns them on.

This is very frustrating and difficult for a submissive husband to accpet or comprehend. Surley it must turn her on, it turns me on. Not so I am afraid, and I don't think that this relates to just chastity.

Take sex generally, how often do you think that your wife would instigate sex if you didn't ask or subtlely pressuren her into sex. I am guessing that the average wife would be content with once or twice every couple of months or so, and it's the same with kink.

Giles English said...

I think your glass is half full!

Couples often split responsibility between husband and wife. The male sex drive is often the most urgent and immediate, regardless of fatigue, so it’s easy to drift into an arrangement where he is responsible for setting the pace. Doesn’t mean she doesn’t *like* sex, just that she doesn’t need it as much!

Regarding kink.

Yes, it’s unrealistic to expect her to be turned on by chastity play in its own right, unless she’s one of those people who enjoys being naughty/kinky/wicked for the sake of it.

However, kink can offer her something she couldn’t and shouldn’t get from a purely vanilla relationship. What that is depends on who she is.

Our host’s wife seems to enjoy teasing and flirting with him, and controlling his orgasm. These are all vanilla things some women enjoy doing anyway. The CB simply extends and enhances this kind of fun.

Another One said...

Sub - More good advice. Thanks! As a short term goal, I do intend to try to introduce it again. Long term goal is her doing it on her own, or as part of a WLM.

Giles - She is very new at this, so we'll see more and more what her feelings are as time goes by.

As for the cleanliness thing, I think I can fix that issue.

AAT - Very true - she is not driven by her sexual needs. She has repeatedly told me that she does not have any fantasies, nor does she particularly have a driving desire for anything specific. She enjoys sex, and enjoys what I do for her, but she is not the type to ever come up with something on her own.