This is going to be a long post, so bear with me.
In my last post, I stated that I was planning on bringing her a rose and thanking her for Sunday night. Based on conversations we had later in the afternoon while I was still at work, bringing the rose was not going to be a good plan. I scrapped that idea.
Instead, on Monday night, I briefly and casually mentioned to her that I enjoyed Sunday night and left it that. She smiled and said she enjoyed it too. That was the end of the conversation. I wondered whether she truly understood that it was the full package of Sunday, as opposed to just and idea that we were intimate. There is a subtle difference in possible perception of Sunday night. On the one hand, I believe that almost all women in the world would like a night that occurred on Sunday. So, obviously, when she says she enjoyed it too, do I truly understand why she enjoyed it? Did she enjoy it because she was tired, got a massage, and had a great orgasm? Did she enjoy it because in addition to that, she did not have to reciprocate? Did she enjoy it because she actually got off on the idea of not doing anything sexual to me? Did she enjoy it because she knew I enjoyed it? Did she not really understand why I would like to have a night like that with her, thought it odd, but regardless, humored me because the result is long, sensual, relaxing, massage and then a great orgasm?
Communication is a funny thing. A simple comment between us wherein we both express happiness, but have we really communicated our feelings, desires, thoughts?
I was thinking all of these things on a deeper level, but on the surface, I did know that Sunday night touches and fulfills a deep need for me, and that she does enjoy that type of night too.
To put it bluntly, those are good things. I knew it was another slow step towards building a more intimate relationship between us. And that's the ultimate goal. I love this woman. In addition to that, I have these submissive tendencies in her presence, I have these kinks, and I have a desire to be more intimate with her. The term "intimate" does not mean sex. To me, it means more communication, more physical contact (regardless of sex), more playfulness and more quality time spent together.
"At all Times" suggested in my previous post that it might not be a good idea to bust out with a formal request for chastity after Sunday night. That was good advice, especially because the timing and situation was not right on Monday night. Showing her more and more about how and why Sunday night was great was a better idea.
But Tuesday brought forth an opportunity for me out of the blue. We had been emailing with each other throughout the day about day to day stuff. Then she emailed that a friend took our kids for a playdate, so she was excited to have free time to complete a bunch of errands and also get her nails done.
I responded that I was happy for her, especially getting to be able to run the errands without the kids. I also responded, though, "You don't have to get your nails done. You know that I love doing that for you. I understand the desire to be able to sit and have your nails done without the kids, so if that's what you want that's great. But I'd love to do them for you tonight."
Her response was "ok., maybe I won't get them done and have you do them tonight :)" I responded with "yea!!! That would make me very happy and I hope would make you very happy too."
Throughout the day, I never got confirmation one way or the other as to what happened. I did find out close to leaving work that we were going to be having a bunch of kids sleeping over, so I figured the nails wouldn't occur.
When I arrived home, there was a house full of kids (chaos - but good chaos - love those kids), and she was actually making dinner. As we talked, I noticed that her nails were done. They looked great on her. I didn't say anything. The kids had already eaten, so we sat down and had a nice meal together talking about everything. Near the end, I mentioned her nails and she told about this new place a friend had recommended that she wanted to try, it was with a different type of procedure and she was happy with them. I complimented her on nice they looked. She did mention, however, that she didn't get her toes done. She didn't mention whether she wanted me to do them, so it was just left hanging.
Fast forward a lot time and finally the kids were in beds and we were in our room watching tv. It was funny, because I still didn't really know whether she wanted me to do her toes. As we were sitting on the top of the covers, she took of her socks and sat there for a bit. I was about to offer to do her nails, but instead, she simply handed me a bottle of polish!
If you're reading my blog, then you'll understand - her simply taking off her socks and handing me the polish was phenomenal. I was immediately excited by her simple, silent, demand. It wasn't a demand, though. She didn't have to "order" me to do her nails. At the time she handed the polish to me, my heart leapt a bit, because it gave me the hope that maybe, just maybe, she was beginning to understand not only me, but also herself.
I talked about subtle differences before and it applies here. In my particular situation with her, prior attempts at discussing Femdom, being submissive, or BDSM or whatever, always led her have the repugnant vision of her being leather clad, wearing 6 inch thigh high boot, whip wielding, and calling me a worm. Not only is that not what I wanted, but also very clearly not what she ever wanted. Still, whenever the discussions began, that was her baseline, even if that's not what I was attempting to convey. Over the last year, I've made the concerted effort to convey that's not the situation.
So, the subtle difference her was, in our most recent discussions, and my most recent offer to do her nails, it led me to believe she understood it to be exactly what it represented. She could "demand" for me to do her nails, but she didn't have to do it as a leather clad Femdom. She could simply say, "I'd like my nails done tonight" and know that when this occurred, it would also make me very happy.
I spent the next 30 minutes or so, giving her feet the full procedure. Buffing the feet, applying the lotion on the feet, clipping the nails, and painting and polishing the feet. All the while we (well, mainly her) watched tv and talking to each other. Sublime.
Once finished, I cleaned everything up and got back in bed. Another 10 minutes or so went by. I was perfectly content and happy.
But then, she did something I never expected and still can't believe. And even as I think about it the day after, I still get excited and can't believe.
We were under the covers and she started to gently rub my thigh. Gradually she reached my groin and spent about 10 minutes lightly caressing, scratching and stroking me through my underwear. She never made any effort to do anything more. It was definitely light enough that it wouldn't ever bring me off, but highly enjoyable and maddening enough for me. I was literally panting and squirming. I cannot explain how phenomenal the feeling was or the thoughts that were flying through me head. I was almost thinking that she had somehow found this blog, or at least another WLM blog, or chastity blog or something because whether she knew it or not, she was making me insane.
Eventually she stopped and rolled on top of me and we kissed aggressively and passionately. I was fit to burst with her leisurely grinding on me. I could not take it any more. Sunday night, our conversations, the nails, what she was doing etc., I just could not hold back.
I began telling her how much I loved her, how much I enjoyed doing that for her on Sunday, how grateful I was that she let me do her nails and just watched in joy as she had a huge grin on her face. She enjoyed all of it too and I finally just took the plunge. I asked her if I could request something and, honestly, I think she knew. As weird as that sounds, I think she knew I was going to ask for "chastity." I explained how much we enjoyed doing it previously (albeit on a temporary basis), asked if she enjoyed it as much as I did, and asked her to have us engage in her complete control over all of my orgasms. That I could not masturbate anymore, that I could only have an orgasm whenever she said it was o.k. and that, of course, she could have as many orgasms as she wanted, whenever.
And she not only agreed, but was excited. Like this wasn't a weird request. Like she genuinely wanted to do it - for her and for us - not saying "yes" to the idea just because she wanted to placate me.
After we discussed it more and we talked about how she could have all of the orgasms she wanted, she said "so you've to work to do," and gently pushed me down. And when she was done, we spent time embracing and said it was time to sleep.
Can't even explain how happy I am right now. Best Christmas ever. I can't believe it.
I've refrained from drowning her lengthy discussions about it today. Last night, I told her how perfect it was and I absolutely don't want to suffocate her. I do not want her to think that now I'll be pestering her 24/7 about chastity or a WLM. I never even mentioned a device.
I have so many things I want to ask, want to do etc., but I have to thank all of the other blogs out there on these subjects, especially At all Times for not only their direct advice to me, but also the wisdom imparted in their own blogs. Without that information, I'm sure I would have screwed this up a long long time ago.
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8 comments:
Thanks for sharing! I shall watch this develop with interest.
If you've read my blog, you'll know, I have a theory that it's inherant in the nature of love that most relationships have a potential shadow relationship; one that would be dysfunctional if you drifted there in a vanilla way.
The snag is getting there without detouring into the off-the-shelf one-size-fits-all BDSM stereotypes - and you seem to be managing the journey very nicely indeed.
I will however make a prediction, if I may; this will all work fine as long as your femdom remains within the intimate sphere. If you so much as hint at stopping being a fellow adult in the rest of your relationship, the whole thing will collapse.
Good luck and keep us all posted!
O, Merry Christmas!! I'm sooo happy for you!
I can picture the discussions, and the lack of clarity sometimes as we discuss with Wives.
For you to do Her feet, and get 'tormented' by her.. leading to your accepted (!) request... !!! Wow!
You're not done, and you'll miss your masturbating... but how great!
Now, if we could just make me braver, lol! :)
It sounds like the beginning of a journey... congratulations. I would agree on the A&T idea to be patient and let things build gradually.
I am glad that you took my advice and picked the right moment, keeping it more about how much you enjoy doing things for your wife and the excitement that you feel her taking control of your orgasms.
It's one thing saying you want to be kept in a chastity device, making her the key holder, and dominate you, it's going to be more appealing for your wife letting her know and see the effect that she has on you by teasing and keeping you denied.
I could have written much of this post myself, your thoughts and ideas, your needs and wants. We sound very similar and at a very similar stage in our developing WLM.
Jane is just starting to enjoy keeping me aroused but denied, and is taking far more advantage of her position of power and control within our relationship. I would love to paint Jane's toes but she says that I won't do them to the standard required.
I know practice makes perfect, but she still doesn't always like to see me subservient to her.
I am really pleased for you, build upon the feeling that your wife is being to enjoy having this effect on you. She will not be seeing it as dominating you or being bossy or strict, so niether should you. You will however still get the same buzz from doing what she wants, because it's what she wants and you must "obey" her.
Can't wait to hear how things develop, but don't be surprised or push too hard if things still ebb and flow.
Thank you Giles, Weave, Grey and AaT for your comments, well wishes, support and advice. It does have an impact on me.
Giles - knowing my wife as well as I do, I am positive that we will have, at the forefront, a very loving relationship, and then the WLM or chastity or femdom is simply an aspect of our relationship. It won't overtake, or all consume us.
Grey - I read your comment and your blog about encouragement. Absolutely, we need encouragement and it helps. Often times, ours is a silent journey, left to our own thoughts. I do not speak of any of this to anyone. This blog is the only place to express my thoughts, so getting feedback and encouragement through comments, and reading other blogs, is extremely helpful.
So please know that I hope you will end up where you want to be with your wife.
Weave - Thanks for well wishes, but also encouragement to you too! Small, small steps. If you read my blog from the beginning, it's been more than a year to get to this point. And this point is still just starting.
AaT-I still read your blog as soon as it's updated and it is always refreshing to see how much Jane is continuing to grow into thoroughly enjoying herself and you.
As I said in my post, much of how I learned how to manuever in this desire is from reading your blog and comments with you. I do appreciate it.
As for the toes ---- well, the good thing is that there are great tutorials on youtube and elsewhere. And you don't have to make it a submissive thing. Is giving her a massage submissive? Is taking a bath with her and washing her hair submissive? Nope. Whenever I do her toes, I do not make it overly submissive (though, honestly, yes, it feels great to do it for her). Instead, when doing her toes, I converse with her and engage in every day behaivor.
As for her not being "dominating" or "bossy" - yes, that is again correct. She does not like the bitchiness type. But trying to get her to think of "asking" for things, where I will of course do them for her, that's where I want to get to as the next step.
Congratulations! This is very much the same way things went in my marriage. One night while making love, after her orgasm I told her that she didn't have to reciprocate. After some time doing this, we would talk about how much it is a turn on for both of us. So later on, I brought up the idea of the chastity device, and the patience worked perfectly!
I was reading your last entry and hoping that you wouldn't plunge into this after that Sunday night. I am so glad you used your patience and you can see how it is paying off. You, my friend, now have great experience to share with anyone who needs advice.
It seems like a mini movement is underway and I love it. Thank you for the post.
Ao- Thank you! Yes, must keep reading, researching :), and "going slow!" Appreciated. Glad to hear your Wife is not the "bitchy" scene type. Mine neither; it helps.
Nice point too about how it's in our heads so much of the time.
Aat- From here, thanks for the reminder that things will still ebb and flow; have to keep in mind. Liked your term the "buzz"...it is, indeed.
Giles- Q for you on "If you so much as hint at stopping being a fellow adult in the rest of your relationship, the whole thing will collapse." Can you elaborate, just a bit (w/o taking over thread, lol!)
Well, I told my Wife I'd bought her a paddle. And gave her a couple "discipline" paper forms to fill out for me. So...whew! She surprised me by putting "mild" apron on me while I was cooking yesterday...but really shocked me by telling at folk's house that she "had me in an apron" (joking tone)! Whoa!
Love hearing all your thoughts...thanks! As KH says, a "mini movement," LOL!
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