This is going to be a long post, so bear with me.
In my last post, I stated that I was planning on bringing her a rose and thanking her for Sunday night. Based on conversations we had later in the afternoon while I was still at work, bringing the rose was not going to be a good plan. I scrapped that idea.
Instead, on Monday night, I briefly and casually mentioned to her that I enjoyed Sunday night and left it that. She smiled and said she enjoyed it too. That was the end of the conversation. I wondered whether she truly understood that it was the full package of Sunday, as opposed to just and idea that we were intimate. There is a subtle difference in possible perception of Sunday night. On the one hand, I believe that almost all women in the world would like a night that occurred on Sunday. So, obviously, when she says she enjoyed it too, do I truly understand why she enjoyed it? Did she enjoy it because she was tired, got a massage, and had a great orgasm? Did she enjoy it because in addition to that, she did not have to reciprocate? Did she enjoy it because she actually got off on the idea of not doing anything sexual to me? Did she enjoy it because she knew I enjoyed it? Did she not really understand why I would like to have a night like that with her, thought it odd, but regardless, humored me because the result is long, sensual, relaxing, massage and then a great orgasm?
Communication is a funny thing. A simple comment between us wherein we both express happiness, but have we really communicated our feelings, desires, thoughts?
I was thinking all of these things on a deeper level, but on the surface, I did know that Sunday night touches and fulfills a deep need for me, and that she does enjoy that type of night too.
To put it bluntly, those are good things. I knew it was another slow step towards building a more intimate relationship between us. And that's the ultimate goal. I love this woman. In addition to that, I have these submissive tendencies in her presence, I have these kinks, and I have a desire to be more intimate with her. The term "intimate" does not mean sex. To me, it means more communication, more physical contact (regardless of sex), more playfulness and more quality time spent together.
"At all Times" suggested in my previous post that it might not be a good idea to bust out with a formal request for chastity after Sunday night. That was good advice, especially because the timing and situation was not right on Monday night. Showing her more and more about how and why Sunday night was great was a better idea.
But Tuesday brought forth an opportunity for me out of the blue. We had been emailing with each other throughout the day about day to day stuff. Then she emailed that a friend took our kids for a playdate, so she was excited to have free time to complete a bunch of errands and also get her nails done.
I responded that I was happy for her, especially getting to be able to run the errands without the kids. I also responded, though, "You don't have to get your nails done. You know that I love doing that for you. I understand the desire to be able to sit and have your nails done without the kids, so if that's what you want that's great. But I'd love to do them for you tonight."
Her response was "ok., maybe I won't get them done and have you do them tonight :)" I responded with "yea!!! That would make me very happy and I hope would make you very happy too."
Throughout the day, I never got confirmation one way or the other as to what happened. I did find out close to leaving work that we were going to be having a bunch of kids sleeping over, so I figured the nails wouldn't occur.
When I arrived home, there was a house full of kids (chaos - but good chaos - love those kids), and she was actually making dinner. As we talked, I noticed that her nails were done. They looked great on her. I didn't say anything. The kids had already eaten, so we sat down and had a nice meal together talking about everything. Near the end, I mentioned her nails and she told about this new place a friend had recommended that she wanted to try, it was with a different type of procedure and she was happy with them. I complimented her on nice they looked. She did mention, however, that she didn't get her toes done. She didn't mention whether she wanted me to do them, so it was just left hanging.
Fast forward a lot time and finally the kids were in beds and we were in our room watching tv. It was funny, because I still didn't really know whether she wanted me to do her toes. As we were sitting on the top of the covers, she took of her socks and sat there for a bit. I was about to offer to do her nails, but instead, she simply handed me a bottle of polish!
If you're reading my blog, then you'll understand - her simply taking off her socks and handing me the polish was phenomenal. I was immediately excited by her simple, silent, demand. It wasn't a demand, though. She didn't have to "order" me to do her nails. At the time she handed the polish to me, my heart leapt a bit, because it gave me the hope that maybe, just maybe, she was beginning to understand not only me, but also herself.
I talked about subtle differences before and it applies here. In my particular situation with her, prior attempts at discussing Femdom, being submissive, or BDSM or whatever, always led her have the repugnant vision of her being leather clad, wearing 6 inch thigh high boot, whip wielding, and calling me a worm. Not only is that not what I wanted, but also very clearly not what she ever wanted. Still, whenever the discussions began, that was her baseline, even if that's not what I was attempting to convey. Over the last year, I've made the concerted effort to convey that's not the situation.
So, the subtle difference her was, in our most recent discussions, and my most recent offer to do her nails, it led me to believe she understood it to be exactly what it represented. She could "demand" for me to do her nails, but she didn't have to do it as a leather clad Femdom. She could simply say, "I'd like my nails done tonight" and know that when this occurred, it would also make me very happy.
I spent the next 30 minutes or so, giving her feet the full procedure. Buffing the feet, applying the lotion on the feet, clipping the nails, and painting and polishing the feet. All the while we (well, mainly her) watched tv and talking to each other. Sublime.
Once finished, I cleaned everything up and got back in bed. Another 10 minutes or so went by. I was perfectly content and happy.
But then, she did something I never expected and still can't believe. And even as I think about it the day after, I still get excited and can't believe.
We were under the covers and she started to gently rub my thigh. Gradually she reached my groin and spent about 10 minutes lightly caressing, scratching and stroking me through my underwear. She never made any effort to do anything more. It was definitely light enough that it wouldn't ever bring me off, but highly enjoyable and maddening enough for me. I was literally panting and squirming. I cannot explain how phenomenal the feeling was or the thoughts that were flying through me head. I was almost thinking that she had somehow found this blog, or at least another WLM blog, or chastity blog or something because whether she knew it or not, she was making me insane.
Eventually she stopped and rolled on top of me and we kissed aggressively and passionately. I was fit to burst with her leisurely grinding on me. I could not take it any more. Sunday night, our conversations, the nails, what she was doing etc., I just could not hold back.
I began telling her how much I loved her, how much I enjoyed doing that for her on Sunday, how grateful I was that she let me do her nails and just watched in joy as she had a huge grin on her face. She enjoyed all of it too and I finally just took the plunge. I asked her if I could request something and, honestly, I think she knew. As weird as that sounds, I think she knew I was going to ask for "chastity." I explained how much we enjoyed doing it previously (albeit on a temporary basis), asked if she enjoyed it as much as I did, and asked her to have us engage in her complete control over all of my orgasms. That I could not masturbate anymore, that I could only have an orgasm whenever she said it was o.k. and that, of course, she could have as many orgasms as she wanted, whenever.
And she not only agreed, but was excited. Like this wasn't a weird request. Like she genuinely wanted to do it - for her and for us - not saying "yes" to the idea just because she wanted to placate me.
After we discussed it more and we talked about how she could have all of the orgasms she wanted, she said "so you've to work to do," and gently pushed me down. And when she was done, we spent time embracing and said it was time to sleep.
Can't even explain how happy I am right now. Best Christmas ever. I can't believe it.
I've refrained from drowning her lengthy discussions about it today. Last night, I told her how perfect it was and I absolutely don't want to suffocate her. I do not want her to think that now I'll be pestering her 24/7 about chastity or a WLM. I never even mentioned a device.
I have so many things I want to ask, want to do etc., but I have to thank all of the other blogs out there on these subjects, especially At all Times for not only their direct advice to me, but also the wisdom imparted in their own blogs. Without that information, I'm sure I would have screwed this up a long long time ago.