Saturday, February 18, 2012

Quest Still Goes On

My quest for an acknowledged WLM still falters, but that doesn't mean she's against the idea. Of course, it doesn't mean she wants it either.

All I can say is that she's either not completely ready for it on her own terms, or she is just moving along on her own terms, in her own way, but not communicating that desire to me. I'm sure there are other alternatives too. Maybe she does want to do it, but has no idea how to do it. Maybe she doesn't know which way she wants, or which way to go. She's got the right to do what she wants with it, but I would much rather have specific information from her so we can move one way or the other.

Otherwise, I'm left with stealth submission, something that is not particularly satisfying, and potentially dangerous. At the core of all of this - I want her to be happy and if she doesn't want a WLM, or my submission, then I don't want to do it. I want what she wants - what will make her happy.

That may sound easy, but it is complicated. All I can go on is what she's told me on certain topics. When I've asked her in the past whether she has any fantasies, anything she truly loves to do, anything she doesn't like, or anything she wants to do, she says she's perfectly happy. Yes, that sounds great. People are not, however, always black and white. They may need to be pushed. They may need to be convinced. They may need to shown the way. She may be afraid, and secretly wishing inside that I assist her. I'm left with wondering whether I take her word for it, or try things to see how she reacts.

I don't want to do things for her that she is only accepting because she is, in reality, doing them for me! That may sound odd, but what if the only reason she lets me do her toes for her is because she knows I like it, not because she likes it! I'd rather that not be the case.


Maitresse Mia's slave said...

I can't understand why She wouldn't want a Female led Relationship absoulutely defined by you, which is what you are pushing. Hpw can it be Female led if you constantly whine that She won't do exactly what you are trying to lead Her to do? That is a sub led relationship. you really need to re-evaluate just who is pushing the agenda here.

At all Times said...

Mr AO - you want, what you want. There is nothing wrong with that. I get annoyed at people who use the "your a sub, you must do what she wants". That's all well and good, but if you are to enjoy something less than what "you" want, it is made much easier if you feel and sense that it is what she wants and that she is expecting you to fall in line and meet her wishes.

I often find that this sort of advice comes from those who have achieve a certain degree of satisfaction from their own situation, and who are therefore in a much better place to offer such advice.

I suspect that your wife is not entirely happy with being offered your submission but is too shy or embarassed to tell you what she really thinks or would like for fear of upsetting you. I suspect that most wives "go along" with their husbands sexual desires to keep them happy. For some strange reason, even when offerred the controlling and even dominant position within their relationship most women seem reluctant to take it. What you need is acknowledgment and to be feed regular reminders that she is in charge. Is this being needy, yes, is it quite natural, yes.

The obvious advice is to talk to your wife and get her real take on where you both are and where you would like to be. Easier said than done, I know....!!!!