Monday, May 10, 2010

I was wrong, I think

In my "Formality" post I wrote: "Since the conclusion, however, I have made the gradual effort to introduce WLM to her, to no apparent, broad based success."

A couple of days after that post, we were eating dinner and, completely out of the blue, she just blurted out, "you know, I think I'm going to have your Dad paint my toe-nails tonight. I really need a new color."

While I initially thought my efforts to introduce WLM had fallen on deaf ears, I now believe that I was wrong. Why? Well, I believe that she would never have made that comment, or even have that specific desire, had I never given her pedicures in the past as part of our discussions of me being submissive. Of course, in her mind, she probably didn't think "I know that my husband wants me to be in charge. I have to come up with things that I can make him do. I think I'll have him do my toe-nails." No, instead, she probably just wanted a new color and thought I'll have him do them for me.

The more things that she identifies that she enjoys, and the more that she becomes more and more comfortable with asking for them to be done, and the more that I identify her needs and meet those needs, the closer we get to a WLM.

Now, for a variety of reasons, the pedicure did not happen last night. I could have, and have done in the past, sent an email to her about how happy I was that she asked that, telling her much it turned me on, and telling her that the other things she did over the weekend turned me on and were great Femdom things etc. I know that she doesn't respond particularly well to those types of emails. Instead, I simply told her that since we didn't the chance for the pedicure last night, that I would love to do it for her tonight and asked her what color she wanted. She responded with a color and a smiley face and that was the end of the exchange. Which is a great thing. She's not weirded out, but she knows I liked it, and she's looking forward to it tonight.


fur sissy said...

It seems that you have been successful to get the ball rolling. It's a slow process and will likely take many months but over time many of these things may start to surface.

This is a very promising launching point.

At all Times said...

Great post, great news, and great to see that you, like me, are learning what will encourage your wife to want to encourage your submission, and what will make it more difficult for her to accpet a more dominant and expectant role in your relationship.

Another One said...

Fur - absolutely correct. It's more promising than I had previously thought.

AAT - It's thanks to you, your blog, and comments by others that allowed me to see that I had been approaching slightly incorrect.

It was interesting last night, because after the kids were in bed, she was sitting down to watch tv. Again, I'm convinced that I had I not brought it up, she would not have brought it up, so I asked if she still wanted me to give her a pedicure. She quickly said she did. I then asked if she wanted wine and as she was walking out of the room to go see one of the kids, she said "you go get the nail stuff and get me a glass of wine while I do this."

The interesting part is that I don't think she would have asked for the pedicure if I had just gone up stairs and did something on my own. But once I offered it to her, and the wine, she continued with the idea.

She loved the pedicure, mentioning many times she really enjoyed it. After it was done, I ended up suggesting taking a bath together, which we did. She didn't ask me to, but I offered to shave her legs, which also thoroughly enjoyed.

I do think she's finally starting to realize that if she asks for these things, that I would be more than happy to do them for her. And she's realizing how much she enjoys it.

The next step is to try to implement some sort of standing rules. To frame the relationship more.

I do look forward to the future.

At all Times said...

AO – that sounds like a wonderful evening, and something that I am sure that your wife will want to repeat.

Thanks for your comments, I am glad that someone else may have benefited from my own experiences. Obviously all our wives are different people so will react in different ways and need different things. Many of them do, however, seem to need to be approached in a certain way about entering into a WLM. What I think is key to any successful WLM, is that your wife has to want to encourage your submission, so needs reasons to do this. For some it could be as simple as just wanting to please you, but that in itself causes problems, if you feel that she is not enjoying it herself. For others, they will need to enjoy the attention, the adoration, the love, and then maybe the sexual freedom, and then maybe last of all, the “service” element. For some, the last category can be most difficult of all to accept, but it is the one category that can feed the husbands submissive needs the most.

Maybe above all else, the biggest barrier to a mutually successful WLM is getting the relationship between husband and wife correct. What I mean by that is some how combining an element of submission and even servitude, without your wife losing the man that she loves and married. I can’t imagine that there are many wives out there that want to live with a slave or servant, and although you may want to submit to your wife in many if not all respects, she will probably not to feel that that’s what you have become. That’s not to say that she wont eventually treat you like one, or expect a certain level of service, its just that you don’t have to remind her of the fact.

Go easy with the “implementation of some standing rules” if your wife is anything like Jane she will not appreciate you trying to set out “rules” by which you feel she must live. In my humble opinion, the only way to seduce a wife’s “dominant” side is through a very long process of giving her what she wants, but at the same time letting her see just how much power control and influence she has over you and your behaviour. If you can do that, and introduce other things like maybe denial, worship, even some light bondage, hopefully she will respond to your needs and encourage your submission because she enjoys the attention and control, not just to follow a set of your rules.

Another One said...

AAT - I hear you about the "standing rules" issue. I was referring more to things she would want me to do for her - such as doing all the dishes or giving her at least one pedicure per week or something like that.

And I agree, it is a long process. Longer than I had initially thought, but I have looked back on my blog and realized that while I started in October of last year, when it started, it was all a kink game, not a WLM. And, in reality, I still have never approached her about adopting a full WLM!

As best, I've let her know of my submissive nature, I've offered to do many things for her and we've enjoyed them, but I'm still waiting for the right time, place and method to attempt something more formal.

Kept4Her said...

I just found your blog and on the same path as you. I might be a step ahead at beat because I did go to my wife formally and explain the idea of a LFA (loving female authority) or FLM "she liked LFA better". After introducing it to her I stepped back from talking about it with her and focused on how I could take stress off her. I offerred to be over some chores that was normally hers and so on. The only, kink curve I added was the idea of a chastity device. I have always been drawn to that idea. She was open to it and surprised me also. I have explained my flight with FLM upto Noe on my blog if you want to check it out.

I look forward to following your blog and wish you the best of luck.