Going into this whole attempt to introduce my wife to Femdom, I knew several things that were stacked against me.
1. I am much more open minded.
2. I am much more adventerous.
3. I have had a lifetime of experimentation and fantasies.
I have previously tried different things to "spice things up" in the bedroom. I once dropped her off at a sex shop (an upscale one, in a nice area - not your stereotypical seedy XXX shop) and sent her in there to buy whatever she wanted. I've suggested, and then, videotaped us. I have been the one to always suggest any type of bondage. It was all very basic - just tying her to the bed etc.
So I shouldn't be too surprised when she has not taken to any of this, unless it is at my urging. I really don't wish to keep being the one to bring it up and while many would think that is because I don't want to "top from the bottom" or some other similar reason it's because I've realized that what I'm looking for doesn't exist when I'm always the one to introduce Femdom.
What is that? What doesn't exist, you ask?
It's actually two things, but very closely connected. It's the extreme closeness felt with someone when she's the dom and I'm the sub and the psychological effect it has on me, and hopefully her.
I know that she's trying these things at my behest, but that, despite her prostestations to the contrary, I don't believe she truly enjoys them. I'll put it this way: she always says she's enjoying herself and likes being in control. Her action completely betray those statements. If she truly enjoyed being in control, why would she never ever take control, unless I initiate the control.
Since I made dinner for her in early January, I have not initiated any sexual activity or any Femdom activities. I have, on the other hand, been a very loving and caring husband. It isn't as if I've been ignoring her, not talking to her, not doing my share around the house, not making dinner, not taking care of the kids or anything like that. Just haven't initiated anything. And yet, during that same time, she has not initiated anything remotely sexual or Femdom.
Back on New Years, we did have a dicussion about my being submissive. Not a complete 100% disclosure, but a discussion about submissiveness and how it would be between us. She stated that the whole submissive thing is fine with her. She had reservations about a lot of things, including a feeling of "guilt." She felt "guilty" about inflicting punishment, or pain, or denying orgasms, because it seemed to her like it's wrong and mean.
Obviously, I explained that that is the point! It's not mean, because I enjoy it. We discussed it more about being a Femdom. I tried explaining that in many ways, we already live in a WLM! She already does many WLM things, such as planning parties without even asking me first, being in charge of the finances, asking me to get her drinks etc. I simply suggested that she expand on that.
I explained that while she doesn't have to have sex every night, she can always just tease me. Meaning, a small comment here or there. Pat on the cock and tell me it's too bad it can't cum etc. Flirt with me. Anything.
And yet, that's the problem. Nothing. So, if she really did like it, really did enjoy it, she would initiate it. But even if she did, it is completely lacking in passion. I don't ever want to feel as if I'm dragging her kicking and screaming into anything. My impression is that she's just doing it because it's something I want, and I ask, so she does it.
If that were the case, then some ask "what's wrong with that." I do not want to make this a one sided thing. I truly thought that she would embrace it more and that it would bring us closer as a couple. And there you have it - I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place.