I know that I'm trying to look at this in the long term, but it's starting to creep into my mind that she's not nearly as into it as I had originally thought.
There hasn't been a hint of Tease & Denial, Femdom.....anything, in a long time now. I have not broached the subject at all because I don't want to pressure or pester her into doing anything.
I'm still everything I had been before. I'm still offering to bring her wine, I'm still doing the dishes, I'm still doing other chores around the house, I'm still showing interest in her day etc. And don't get me wrong - I'm not doing these things solely as a way to "trick" her or get her to engage in Femdom or sex. I'm doing them because I have always done them and I love her.
What I have not received is any inkling from her that she's even thinking about it at all. I always understand when there are other issues that prevent engagement in relations. All she'd need to do is communicate that to me. Maybe she is thinking about it, but she's done nothing in her actions or her words to convey that.
The discouraging part is that we've had the discussions in the past where she admits that she needs to be better making time for us, to be more engaged. My option is to communicate to her how I've perceived these last couple of weeks, but I do not want her to agree with me and claim she'll do better in the future. We've had that dicussion many times. I don't want to have it again.
Showing posts with label Tease and Denial. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Tease and Denial. Show all posts
Tuesday, November 24, 2009
Friday, November 13, 2009
Tease & Denial
"Whatershesays" brought up a subject I wanted to address related to my situation. He wondered whether my wife engaged in the "tease" part of "tease & denial", or whether I was just "denied."
The short answer to his question was "yes, she does engage in the tease part." She has expressed how much she likes teasing me. As you can see from the repeat of the full description of Thursday night, she really liked doing it.
And she even did it on Monday night. She was tired and engaged in a little teasing, just with her hands, bringing me to the brink, and then stopping. She had to "suffer" the consequences, as we spooned and felt a poking as she went to sleep, but I think she was satisfied with her work.
Of course, I'd like to be teased every night, but that's not gonna happen.
The short answer to his question was "yes, she does engage in the tease part." She has expressed how much she likes teasing me. As you can see from the repeat of the full description of Thursday night, she really liked doing it.
And she even did it on Monday night. She was tired and engaged in a little teasing, just with her hands, bringing me to the brink, and then stopping. She had to "suffer" the consequences, as we spooned and felt a poking as she went to sleep, but I think she was satisfied with her work.
Of course, I'd like to be teased every night, but that's not gonna happen.
Wednesday, November 11, 2009
Thursday Night, the 5th
Now that it's been almost a week, I'll try to do my best to replay Thursday night.
After the great dinner, she went to watch her favorite show, Project Runway, while I finished cleaning the table and all of the dishes. Once I was done, I sat with her to watch Project Runway. While I hate reality TV, I can at least sit through this show without trying to kill myself.
After the show was over, she stood up and said "let's go upstairs now." She had a big smile on her face. While I knew it was coming, I was still feeling a happy anxiousness and nervousness. I was feeling that way due to the unknown. I didn't know what she was going to do!
She grabbed a scarf and said we'd use that. Now, we have a restraint system. We have many cuffs, with straps, that allow you to wrap around a 4 post bed and get you spread eagle. We have other restraints too. I had been picturing this type of set up all along. When she said we'd use the scarf, I was surprised and taken aback, so I blurted out "Really? What about the restraints. You don't have four scarfs," and I kind of continued to ramble. In retrospect, it was partly because I was so excited and surprised at the same time.
Her response smacked me back to reality. With a firm voice, she said "Are you really telling me how to do this?" I immediately thought, "Oh, I'm no idiot. I'm blowing it. I need to fix this." So I began apologizing, trying to explain what I meant. I started explaining the benefits of the cuffs, why they were better, why they were easier and that I was just trying to help. Again, in retrospect, I am an idiot, because that came out wrong too! Luckily for me, I think she found it amusing and simply said "We are doing it my way. Now get upstairs."
Once there, she made me get completely naked, had me lie on the bed, and then she tied the scarf around my wrist, around a bed post and then around my other wrist. She went into the closet and came out wearing a red teddy. Of course, by this time, I was already hard.
She came around the bed, sat down, and then said "you'll just have to sit there while I read my book." Wicked woman!
I politely asked if I could watch tv, but was denied. Instead, she did allow me to read a magazine. This proved slightly difficult given the restraints on my hands, but doable. This went on for about 20 minutes. 20 minutes of torture/anticipation on my part!
Without warning, she put her book down, rolled over, and grabbed my cock. She lightly rubbed. Lightly bit. Lightly flicked. Scrapped her nails along my cock and balls. I was on fire. Bucking, moaning, thrashing. She could tell I was extremely worked up and said "you had better not cum while I'm doing this. You won't be happy if you do."
I cannot adequately express in words how tantalizing close to orgasm I was. But more importantly, I cannot adequately express in words how this was affecting me mentally. She was laughing while teasing me. Not a cruel laugh, but a happy, amused laugh. That she was enjoying it so much, that she was embracing the Femdom, that I had been in chastity for so long, that she was teasing me so well, that I was restrained, it was all just so sublime.
She could tell how close I was, so she said I needed a little break. She rolled back to her side, and continued to read her book. Leaking copious amounts of pre-cum, harder than ever, and charged up beyond belief, the sudden stopping had me shuddering. I closed my eyes, simultaneously trying to ignore what had just happened to calm myself, and replaying what just happened because it was so intense. It was difficult. I asked if I could watch tv to take my mind off of everything and calm down, and she let me.
She turned the tv on and it was a football show and asked it that was o.k. Honestly, I couldn't respond. I just said "yea, whatever. I don't care. Whatever is good." She laughed and continued reading her book.
Eventually, she went through another teasing session and the declared "that's enough." At that point, I had logged 42 minutes restrained. I felt as if I had been restrained for several hours. Realizing that I still had 1:18 more minutes to be restrained before I got to cum was somewhat distressing, but nothing could take away from that great night.
The night, however, wasn't over.
After the restraints were taken off, she climbed on me and began to aggressively kiss me. She demanded I make her cum, so I rolled her on back and started going crazy on her. While I was going down on her, she surprised me by saying "I need you to fuck me right now, but don't you dare cum." She usually cums easily when I eat her, but tonight, she clearly wanted to be penetrated.
The surprise to me was that I wondered whether she realized that there was no way I could fuck her tonight, if I wasn't supposed to cum!!! Especially not after those two teasing sessions. I mean, it had been over two weeks in chastity at that point. That was crazy talk.
Despite my thoughts, I immediately got up and entered her. I started slowly, concentrating on not going too fast to send me over the edge. Still, after about a minute, I told her I couldn't continue without cumming. I asked her if she wanted me to use the vibrator on her. She was disappointed that I couldn't last, but growled "yes."
I ran to the closet, returned and continued with the vibrator. After her very intense orgasm, we stayed very close. We talked. We talked alot.
The night was a great great night. Better than I had anticipated.
It did bring up many questions that are still unanswered for me. Whether she wants to continue this even after our little game. Whether she will become more and more Dominate. While she has enjoyed doing some of this, there are many days in between anything sexually happening, but even in those down days, there isn't any Femdom stuff happening either.
I know she enjoys the control aspect in bed. I know that I have a much higher libido than she does, so I know that I'll want sex 3-4 times a week to her one time. I know that I would like more of a Femdom relationship and I think for her it's more of a novelty thing, as opposed to an every day thing.
Again, we shall see. I do realize that we've only been doing this for about a month and expecting a huge change so early is completely unrealistic.
After the great dinner, she went to watch her favorite show, Project Runway, while I finished cleaning the table and all of the dishes. Once I was done, I sat with her to watch Project Runway. While I hate reality TV, I can at least sit through this show without trying to kill myself.
After the show was over, she stood up and said "let's go upstairs now." She had a big smile on her face. While I knew it was coming, I was still feeling a happy anxiousness and nervousness. I was feeling that way due to the unknown. I didn't know what she was going to do!
She grabbed a scarf and said we'd use that. Now, we have a restraint system. We have many cuffs, with straps, that allow you to wrap around a 4 post bed and get you spread eagle. We have other restraints too. I had been picturing this type of set up all along. When she said we'd use the scarf, I was surprised and taken aback, so I blurted out "Really? What about the restraints. You don't have four scarfs," and I kind of continued to ramble. In retrospect, it was partly because I was so excited and surprised at the same time.
Her response smacked me back to reality. With a firm voice, she said "Are you really telling me how to do this?" I immediately thought, "Oh, I'm no idiot. I'm blowing it. I need to fix this." So I began apologizing, trying to explain what I meant. I started explaining the benefits of the cuffs, why they were better, why they were easier and that I was just trying to help. Again, in retrospect, I am an idiot, because that came out wrong too! Luckily for me, I think she found it amusing and simply said "We are doing it my way. Now get upstairs."
Once there, she made me get completely naked, had me lie on the bed, and then she tied the scarf around my wrist, around a bed post and then around my other wrist. She went into the closet and came out wearing a red teddy. Of course, by this time, I was already hard.
She came around the bed, sat down, and then said "you'll just have to sit there while I read my book." Wicked woman!
I politely asked if I could watch tv, but was denied. Instead, she did allow me to read a magazine. This proved slightly difficult given the restraints on my hands, but doable. This went on for about 20 minutes. 20 minutes of torture/anticipation on my part!
Without warning, she put her book down, rolled over, and grabbed my cock. She lightly rubbed. Lightly bit. Lightly flicked. Scrapped her nails along my cock and balls. I was on fire. Bucking, moaning, thrashing. She could tell I was extremely worked up and said "you had better not cum while I'm doing this. You won't be happy if you do."
I cannot adequately express in words how tantalizing close to orgasm I was. But more importantly, I cannot adequately express in words how this was affecting me mentally. She was laughing while teasing me. Not a cruel laugh, but a happy, amused laugh. That she was enjoying it so much, that she was embracing the Femdom, that I had been in chastity for so long, that she was teasing me so well, that I was restrained, it was all just so sublime.
She could tell how close I was, so she said I needed a little break. She rolled back to her side, and continued to read her book. Leaking copious amounts of pre-cum, harder than ever, and charged up beyond belief, the sudden stopping had me shuddering. I closed my eyes, simultaneously trying to ignore what had just happened to calm myself, and replaying what just happened because it was so intense. It was difficult. I asked if I could watch tv to take my mind off of everything and calm down, and she let me.
She turned the tv on and it was a football show and asked it that was o.k. Honestly, I couldn't respond. I just said "yea, whatever. I don't care. Whatever is good." She laughed and continued reading her book.
Eventually, she went through another teasing session and the declared "that's enough." At that point, I had logged 42 minutes restrained. I felt as if I had been restrained for several hours. Realizing that I still had 1:18 more minutes to be restrained before I got to cum was somewhat distressing, but nothing could take away from that great night.
The night, however, wasn't over.
After the restraints were taken off, she climbed on me and began to aggressively kiss me. She demanded I make her cum, so I rolled her on back and started going crazy on her. While I was going down on her, she surprised me by saying "I need you to fuck me right now, but don't you dare cum." She usually cums easily when I eat her, but tonight, she clearly wanted to be penetrated.
The surprise to me was that I wondered whether she realized that there was no way I could fuck her tonight, if I wasn't supposed to cum!!! Especially not after those two teasing sessions. I mean, it had been over two weeks in chastity at that point. That was crazy talk.
Despite my thoughts, I immediately got up and entered her. I started slowly, concentrating on not going too fast to send me over the edge. Still, after about a minute, I told her I couldn't continue without cumming. I asked her if she wanted me to use the vibrator on her. She was disappointed that I couldn't last, but growled "yes."
I ran to the closet, returned and continued with the vibrator. After her very intense orgasm, we stayed very close. We talked. We talked alot.
The night was a great great night. Better than I had anticipated.
It did bring up many questions that are still unanswered for me. Whether she wants to continue this even after our little game. Whether she will become more and more Dominate. While she has enjoyed doing some of this, there are many days in between anything sexually happening, but even in those down days, there isn't any Femdom stuff happening either.
I know she enjoys the control aspect in bed. I know that I have a much higher libido than she does, so I know that I'll want sex 3-4 times a week to her one time. I know that I would like more of a Femdom relationship and I think for her it's more of a novelty thing, as opposed to an every day thing.
Again, we shall see. I do realize that we've only been doing this for about a month and expecting a huge change so early is completely unrealistic.
Saturday, October 24, 2009
We Played Last Night
My wife was feeling much better, so we ended up going out for a wonderful dinner with some friends. Great food, engaging conversations and a new beer I had never tasted before. All in all, a fun night.
After getting home and dealing with the kids, it was about 10:30 and she was tired. We headed to bed, but there was no indication from her that anything would happen. I know that when she gets like that, she'll usually be asleep in about 2 minutes of getting into bed.
I was anxious and, frankly, horny, but was also curious to see if she was going to play with me, or at least wanted an orgasm before going to bed. While she was getting ready for bed, I had the TV. Unfortunately, she basically got into bed and started to go to sleep. Having her there beside me was tough to not just turn over and beg for her to let me cum.
I guess before going on further, I'll have to explain a little bit more about the game. Essentially, it was a dice game, which decides not only the "objectives" I have to accomplish, but also how many days I won't be able to cum.
I got kind of screwed in the game, because initially, I rolled a four, which meant I only had to go 4 days without being able to cum. It's always her perogative, of course, to extend the time. My happiness at the short time frame was short lived, becauses I ended up having to accomplish 5 objectives. One of those objectives is being restrained for two full hours until I get to cum, regardless of the 4 days. So, until I log a total of 2 hours being restrained, regardless of how long it takes, I don't get to cum. I also have to finish the other four objectives.
So, last night, I knew I wasn't going to be able to cum, but I couldn't resist touching her as she was next to me. Gentle caresses of her legs, arms, and thighs didn't really get her going. I figured she was just sleepy, to I boldly rolled on top of her and started kissing her. Her reaction? A great big smile ..... or more of a smirk ..... and then she said "oh, so I guess we're going to do this."
She immiedately grabbed my already super hard cock and started jerking me off. I was so hard and so horny, and she was going so fast, that I think she forgot that she shouldn't let me cum! I almost had to stop her myself before I blew.
I began licking and sucking her nipples, when she started pushing my head down. Taking the not so subtle hint, I eagerly went down and starting eating her out. She sighed contentedly as I went to town on her. Not to brag, but I'm really good at this aspect of lovemaking - always have been. (Probably one of the reasons she married me!!!)
It didn't take long before she was having a thundering orgasm. Now, as I'm sure you can imagine, I was unbelievably hard. I slid up to her and we began kissing again. My cock was positioned right at her entrance. I looked at her and without speaking, I got the right to enter her. Bliss!!! Slow, sensual movement made her post-orgasm fucking very enjoyable.
After a while she pushed me out, said she was tired, and then, rather wickedly, said "I'll bet you wish you got to cum. You know, it was your idea and game." The lilt in her voice and smirk on her face was just too much. She slowing pulled up her panties, gave me a quick kiss, and then rolled over to sleep.
She was right - it was my idea and my game - and I loved every second of it so far!
Of course, even though we started the game several days ago, I have not spent even 1 second restrained, so I know that my days of not being able to cum are going to be very long.
After getting home and dealing with the kids, it was about 10:30 and she was tired. We headed to bed, but there was no indication from her that anything would happen. I know that when she gets like that, she'll usually be asleep in about 2 minutes of getting into bed.
I was anxious and, frankly, horny, but was also curious to see if she was going to play with me, or at least wanted an orgasm before going to bed. While she was getting ready for bed, I had the TV. Unfortunately, she basically got into bed and started to go to sleep. Having her there beside me was tough to not just turn over and beg for her to let me cum.
I guess before going on further, I'll have to explain a little bit more about the game. Essentially, it was a dice game, which decides not only the "objectives" I have to accomplish, but also how many days I won't be able to cum.
I got kind of screwed in the game, because initially, I rolled a four, which meant I only had to go 4 days without being able to cum. It's always her perogative, of course, to extend the time. My happiness at the short time frame was short lived, becauses I ended up having to accomplish 5 objectives. One of those objectives is being restrained for two full hours until I get to cum, regardless of the 4 days. So, until I log a total of 2 hours being restrained, regardless of how long it takes, I don't get to cum. I also have to finish the other four objectives.
So, last night, I knew I wasn't going to be able to cum, but I couldn't resist touching her as she was next to me. Gentle caresses of her legs, arms, and thighs didn't really get her going. I figured she was just sleepy, to I boldly rolled on top of her and started kissing her. Her reaction? A great big smile ..... or more of a smirk ..... and then she said "oh, so I guess we're going to do this."
She immiedately grabbed my already super hard cock and started jerking me off. I was so hard and so horny, and she was going so fast, that I think she forgot that she shouldn't let me cum! I almost had to stop her myself before I blew.
I began licking and sucking her nipples, when she started pushing my head down. Taking the not so subtle hint, I eagerly went down and starting eating her out. She sighed contentedly as I went to town on her. Not to brag, but I'm really good at this aspect of lovemaking - always have been. (Probably one of the reasons she married me!!!)
It didn't take long before she was having a thundering orgasm. Now, as I'm sure you can imagine, I was unbelievably hard. I slid up to her and we began kissing again. My cock was positioned right at her entrance. I looked at her and without speaking, I got the right to enter her. Bliss!!! Slow, sensual movement made her post-orgasm fucking very enjoyable.
After a while she pushed me out, said she was tired, and then, rather wickedly, said "I'll bet you wish you got to cum. You know, it was your idea and game." The lilt in her voice and smirk on her face was just too much. She slowing pulled up her panties, gave me a quick kiss, and then rolled over to sleep.
She was right - it was my idea and my game - and I loved every second of it so far!
Of course, even though we started the game several days ago, I have not spent even 1 second restrained, so I know that my days of not being able to cum are going to be very long.
Thursday, October 22, 2009
Our History
There is so much background and information to get out there that I'm sorta overwhelmed and at a loss on where to start. Instead, I'll just go through what we've been experimenting with recently.
We've been married for longer than 10 years and we were fairly vanilla in our life and sex life. All along, I've been the one to be interested in D/S, Femdom or BDSM sexual play. We've engaged in various and infrequent aspects of all of those throughout the 10 years of marriage. Nothing sustained.
A couple of months ago, I approached her with the idea of a little tease and denial game. She didn't really understand it, so I explained that it would be fun for her to be in charge of any sexual contact between us, that essentially she could do anything she wanted and demand anything she wanted, all the while denying me any release until she wished.
She expressed some confusion, asking why I would want this and ask for clarification on what she could do, when etc. Why did I want this indeed? How do you explain the wants and desires of a sub? Clearly, the giving up of control to her is a huge turn on. For those guys who have never had the teasing, it does make you unbelievably horny. Sitting there, having someone give you blow job just to the point of no return, and then stopping, just makes you incredibly hard. Servicing her and then having to go to bed, all the while not knowing if she'll let you cum the next day, it's incredible.
Now, you've got to be doing this in a loving relationship, with a lot of communication. Because both party's needs have to be met. She can't simply ignore you and you can't simply beg her. Don't get me wrong - I'm not judging other people's ways of doing the Femdom or Tease & Denial - it's just that that method would never work for us.
And that's the key. It's for us. It's not something she is naturally drawn to and therefore I have to present these things to her. She certainly did not play with me every night. Nor did she tease me by email, or phone during the day, or at home with the kids around. We lived our normal lives. Some of the nights, after the we were in bed, she'd tease me, make me make her cum and then go to bed, but other nights we did nothing.
Despite what you might read in fantasy sites, I was not walking around with a hard on all day long. I was, however, walking around with a mental hard on. I was wondering throughout the day if tonight I'd be allowed to cum. I was wondering whether we'd get to play that night. I was extremely enthusiastic in making her cum. I was on edge (pun intended), wondering how far she would look into her personality and character to be a Dom. Our game did last about a week, and was highly pleasurable for me.
After our game was over and she had let me cum, I did approach her a couple of days later to get her feelings on what happened. It was the first time we had done any type of "fun" that was out of the vanilla arena in a long long time. So I was very hopeful she was interested in doing it again. She expressed that she did enjoy being in charge and did enjoy the teasing part.
This made me very happy, because not only did I foresee us doing it again in the future, but also because she liked it. As I'm sure many will agree, a person who doesn't like being a Dom is not going to be a good Dom!
Several weeks went by between us with normal, vanilla, relations. Those are fun too. But then I approached her about another game.
We just started two days ago. I'll update that as it goes on!!!!
We've been married for longer than 10 years and we were fairly vanilla in our life and sex life. All along, I've been the one to be interested in D/S, Femdom or BDSM sexual play. We've engaged in various and infrequent aspects of all of those throughout the 10 years of marriage. Nothing sustained.
A couple of months ago, I approached her with the idea of a little tease and denial game. She didn't really understand it, so I explained that it would be fun for her to be in charge of any sexual contact between us, that essentially she could do anything she wanted and demand anything she wanted, all the while denying me any release until she wished.
She expressed some confusion, asking why I would want this and ask for clarification on what she could do, when etc. Why did I want this indeed? How do you explain the wants and desires of a sub? Clearly, the giving up of control to her is a huge turn on. For those guys who have never had the teasing, it does make you unbelievably horny. Sitting there, having someone give you blow job just to the point of no return, and then stopping, just makes you incredibly hard. Servicing her and then having to go to bed, all the while not knowing if she'll let you cum the next day, it's incredible.
Now, you've got to be doing this in a loving relationship, with a lot of communication. Because both party's needs have to be met. She can't simply ignore you and you can't simply beg her. Don't get me wrong - I'm not judging other people's ways of doing the Femdom or Tease & Denial - it's just that that method would never work for us.
And that's the key. It's for us. It's not something she is naturally drawn to and therefore I have to present these things to her. She certainly did not play with me every night. Nor did she tease me by email, or phone during the day, or at home with the kids around. We lived our normal lives. Some of the nights, after the we were in bed, she'd tease me, make me make her cum and then go to bed, but other nights we did nothing.
Despite what you might read in fantasy sites, I was not walking around with a hard on all day long. I was, however, walking around with a mental hard on. I was wondering throughout the day if tonight I'd be allowed to cum. I was wondering whether we'd get to play that night. I was extremely enthusiastic in making her cum. I was on edge (pun intended), wondering how far she would look into her personality and character to be a Dom. Our game did last about a week, and was highly pleasurable for me.
After our game was over and she had let me cum, I did approach her a couple of days later to get her feelings on what happened. It was the first time we had done any type of "fun" that was out of the vanilla arena in a long long time. So I was very hopeful she was interested in doing it again. She expressed that she did enjoy being in charge and did enjoy the teasing part.
This made me very happy, because not only did I foresee us doing it again in the future, but also because she liked it. As I'm sure many will agree, a person who doesn't like being a Dom is not going to be a good Dom!
Several weeks went by between us with normal, vanilla, relations. Those are fun too. But then I approached her about another game.
We just started two days ago. I'll update that as it goes on!!!!
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