Expanding on Susan's Pet's Tease & Deny Post

Before reading my post, please do yourself a favor and read Susan's Pet's post on Tease & Denial. Not only is it a good article, but what I will provide in this post dovetails off of that post.

http://hersforever.blogspot.com/2011/03/trouble-with-practice-of-tease-and-deny.html

While I agree with most of that article, I did want to expand on a concept I've been kicking around for while, and it's one he sort of brings up.

In generally stating that unless the wife, after being introduced to the concept of tease and denial actually gets off on it, the wife will generally not participate. Some will not participate at all, while others will engage in it, at best, sporadically. Quoting from Susan's Pet: "One might say that even in a vanilla relationship a woman will do things for her partner simply because she loves him and knows that he needs it. Yes she will do that sometimes, but not often enough."

And that concept is something that has always confused me. And maybe it confuses me because I want to please my partner, but are people really that selfish that they can't derive pleasure from giving their life partner what they want?

I love performing cunnilingus. Why? I would imagine that the fact she really enjoys it is why I enjoy it so much. (Or maybe that's circular thinking? Does she enjoy it that much because I'm good at it and I enjoy doing it?)

Anyway, my point is, I like to make my wife happy. Many people reading this may say "well, that's because you're submissive", but my response then is: "are you telling me that vanilla couples don't want to make each other happy?" That's my source of confusion. How is it that people get married, but know that their significant other loves thing "X", but they don't do it or give "X" to their significant other?!?!?! I don't get it. I truly don't understand that concept.

It has always made me laugh whenever I read articles in the newspaper, see headlines in relationship sites, or Cosmo or something about women bitching that their men are not "romantic". These women clearly love the full blown romance thing, yet the slug they married doesn't ever do anything like that for them. I'm always flabbergasted that the guy has a girl who so desires something, but the guy won't ever do it.

Just seems to me that people who are married should be in love to the point where doing things for your significant other is what makes you happy! Ever since we've been married, I've done things for her that I only did because I knew she liked it.

And even habits that I had that she did not like I changed. That's been a two way street. For whatever reason, dishes in the sink overnight flipped her out. I was generally the type who left them till I felt like doing them. Well, after marriage and I found out how much she hated it, I changed my behavior to wash the dishes as they were used. Conversely, I hated caps left off toothpaste. She never put it back on. She changed her behavior.

Those are kind of silly examples, but as I partially responded to Susan's Pet post on his site, if my wife came to me and said "you know, doing full body massages really really turns me on", well, I'd go out and buy a professional massage table, take a class and go off on her.

This is not absolute. Everyone has "limits." If she came to me and wanted to do scat, or adult baby stuff, I could never get into it. However, the list is rather small.

Regardless, even things that I don't particularly have a desire for, my point is simply that if I knew she had a strong desire for them, I would then have a strong desire for it because I knew how much she liked it.

Please don't take this post to mean that I'm believing that every person should do things for any random person. I can't stand "high maintenance" girls, so it's not like I could love dealing and engaging in those antics. But then again, I would have never married a high maintenance girl.

My point is that if you marry someone, isn't that person you're married to the person you want to make happy? From what I see and read, however, is that I am not the norm. Most people are not like that. Most people are completely unwilling to engage in something that they do not personally like for the benefit of the significant other and, even if they are, they don't particularly end up enjoying it. A guy may realize his wife wants the big romance thing, so he'll do it for her, but he doesn't enjoy doing it. I don't understand that thinking.

Stress

Just curious about others on this post.

Whenever I get stressed (work, family, whatever), I find that I desire kink more and more. Playing pop psychologist, I would assume it's an escape mechanism. Something to get my mind off the stres. Not sure. I just know that when I get seriously stressed at work, I desire nothing more than to come home to a wife who would be as cruel as possible.

Normally, I'm up for any type of interaction with my wife when I get home. If she's in the mood for romance, cuddling, whatever, I'm all for it. Even when I'm stressed, that's true. And, I normally would welcome any type of kink she was interested in.

It's just that when I'm stressed, my desire for the more "extreme" forms of chastity or WLM or femdom come out.

I don't believe my wife shares that same reaction. I think she's just the opposite. If she's happy, kids were great, she's making lots of money etc., she's much friskier.

I wonder what other people's experience is.

Sadly, nothing new to report

I wish that I could be posting about something new and interesting related to our situation, but right now, there's just nothing "post worthy." Sure, we've been having some fun, but new or advancing the ball.

They're out there

There is a lot of talk in the Internet Male Chastity community, or WLM/FLR community, about convincing a vanilla wife to participate and that this is usually a failing endeavor.

I make no prediction on whether that is true, or not. Why? Because it's impossible to know, because I do not personally know anyone else who engages in this type of lifestyle. Sure, there are people on the Internet that I read their blogs and sometimes communicate with. But I have never sat down and actually discussed any of this in a face to face conversation. Heck, there's even a very strong section of people who believe that Elise Sutton, one of the very first Internet presence on the Internet to discuss WLM/FLR isn't even a really woman.

Here's the thing - if you were to ask every person that I actually know if they thought I would be involved in Male Chastity, WLM/FLR or anything like that, they'd immediately say no. I'm sure that there are friends of mine who engage in a lifestyle that I have no idea about.

Does that mean it's more common than reported or whatever. Again, I have no idea.

I will say, that when I see pictures like this, it's obvious that there are some real people out there who engage in this behavior and have fun with it.


(Note - this is NOT me or my wife. Pic found on the Internet.)

Now, I personally never ever expect for my wife to ever get anywhere near what I would wish she would get to. I just hope to enjoy whatever steps she does take towards where I hope we go.

Couldn't agree more.

Click on the link to check out this photo and the comment written by the owner of the tumblr.



Really - the title of my post says it all: I couldn't agree more with Mr. Clove Harwood here.

(if my computer skills failed, cut and paste from this: http://clovehardwood.tumblr.com/post/3801316730)

Hot - but not

Confusing, conflicting, wonderful and hot. All adjectives that surround what's going on. It's been a roller coaster.

For about 2 weeks (about), we went through a patch were she totally ignored me. And I mean ignored me in the normal relationship way - not the ignored me about my orgasms. Yes, during this 2 week period we didn't have sex at all. And I mean, she didn't receive any sex either. But that's not even what I was referring to about ignoring. It was that she seemed to want nothing to do with me. Not hang out. Not talk. Nothing. I never received a good answer as to what was going on.

Then, just as quickly as that happened, she seemed to turn a corner. All of a sudden, when driving with the kids, instead of checking her phone, she would talk with me. When we were at a party, she'd actually talk to me. Even dance with me.

At the same time, the sex started to heat up. Not surprising that the two coincided, but still a mystery to me as to the 2 week problem.

Now, there have been minor elements of teasing here and there. No outright denial recently. That has happened in the past, so I know she still enjoys it. There has been a change, though. The last two times, she has initiated it, which is more than she did before. One time, she just sat down next to me and then started to slowly and lightly graze my crotch till I was raging. She did this for a long long time. I definitely had to bring her off with my tongue because I think she still doesn't understand that if I go long periods of time without release, and then she plays with me, bringing me to the edge, there is no way I can "restart" and last long!

The last time, which was earlier this week, I was upstairs watching tv in bed. She climbed in and immediately grabbed me. I took the opening to ravish her, spending a lot of time kissing. She was laying on top of me and I pulled her pants/underwear off. I grabbed her ass and brought her up to my face. She rode my face and was grinding until I could sense when she was about to come. Right before she came, she pulled off, but still straddling me! I was kinda surprised, and actually thought I accidentally hurt her or she got a cramp or something, so I asked if everything was o.k. She responded "yea, I just want it to last longer." After a while she lowered herself back on me and I continued licking, sucking, nibbling. She pulled herself off twice more before she let herself come. It was phenomenal.

She wasn't done, though, as after a little rest, she lowered herself onto me. Again, I had to tell her I couldn't last long at all. Sure enough, I came wayyyyyy before she did, but she didn't care. She kept riding till she was done and satisfied.

Now that was a blast.

Interesting

This is not related to my relationship with my wife, but it is an interesting topic nonetheless.

This is the first time this has ever happened - I recently came across some photos of a woman using a strap-on on a man, and I'm 99.9% positive that the woman is a woman I know from work. She's not at my place of work, but I know her, and we do have the occasion to see each other at work related events.

Now, the photos I saw too are not amateur photos. These are clearly professionally done. I would have thought that if I ever recognized a photo in this situation, it would have been of the amateur variety, not the professional!

The interesting part is that I do not know her well enough to ever engage in any type of conversation that would revolve around sex, let alone talk to her about her professional pornography past!

I have no idea how she would react about that sort of thing. Would she be embarrassed, mortified, or proud? The thing is, I do not think any less of her - in fact, if anything, I'm more impressed by her. I admire her more.