Lull

Shouldn't come as a surprise because of all the stuff that happens during December, but there has been a serious lull in anything WLM in or out of the bedroom. I've tried to stop her from doing work around the house, but she's relentless. I think part of the issue is that she's at home with the kids while I'm at work and she can a lot done before I get home.

Still, what has this done to me? It's making me ache for service and submissive. I'm desiring it more and more. I've been wearing panties and using some of the Champagne Burt's Bees Lip Shimmer at work to try to satisfy the urges, but it's not the same. Especially since it's not ordered by her. I'm doing it on my own, which can only take me so far.

I have already decided to offer to clean anything she wants, perform any repairs around the house she wants and offer anything to her. I will make suggestions of things I think that she wants too.

I'm sure that other men out there understand what I'm trying to get across. It's an ache that needs to be filled.

Perfection

This woman, well, just wow. Not only the look, but the attitude. And these quotes? Couldn't have said them better myself!

"We want you to order Scotch. It's the most impressive drink order. It's classic. It's sexy. Such a rich color. The glass, the smell. It's not watered down with fruit juice. It's Scotch. And you ordered it."

“Panties is a wonderful word. When did you stop saying ‘panties’? It’s sexy. It’s girlie. It’s naughty. Say it more.”

"I could sit down with a bag of chips and French onion dip and go to town"

I think that if I came home with her standing there with a bottle of Blue Label, I would honestly think I died.

I know she's kidding but........

Last week, my wife took the kids to the sports teacher, the one mentioned in the post "A Little Fun."

I decided to tease her, texting her, asking how he was doing. Her response was simply calling me "silly." I ratcheted it up a notch, texting that I was sure to make myself ready tonight if she were excited from seeing him, to which she responded that it wasn't going to happen because it was "that time of the month". I responded that "wow [name omitted] must be bummed" and her response was "totally."

I realize how tame that is for people who are actually engaged in the lifestyle, or much more experimental, but it's a positive sign that she's joking about it, instead of being totally turned off by it.

And then last weekend, we went out and she wore a short dress, which I thought she looked great in. She was nervous about it, saying it was shorter than she liked, but I think once we were out, she was fine.

On the other hand, she hasn't made any real efforts to deny me. While I would have previously decided that was because she didn't want to take the lead, I actually now understand that she's just doing what she wants to do. So I'm taking it as a positive.

Finally - I have been much better since my mistake. I have made extra efforts to clean and to fix things around the house. She has definitely noticed and has been happy - making me happy!

I screwed up

We were recently having dinner with friends and I playfully made some comments about my wife to everyone, which were funny and well received. Unbeknownst to me, however, she bristled at it, thinking that I was being a little to pointed and personal. In no way did I mean my comments to be taken by anyone in that manner, let alone her taking it in that manner.

Once we got home, she brought the subject up, explaining why she did not appreciate what I had said. And this is where I screwed up. I defended myself, telling her that the comments were not negative to her, that I did not mean them to be negative, everyone thought the comments were funny, and, in essence, that she should not have taken the comments in that manner.

There are many problems with what I did. The first thing I should have realized was that she was expressing to me how SHE felt about the comments, which is the most important thing. She did not like the comments. They made her uncomfortable and she did not appreciate them. My initial reaction clearly showed to her that my first inclination was NOT her feelings, which is of course, a poor showing on my part.

Regardless of how I meant the comments, I should have first apologized. Trying to explain to her why I made the comments, explain my actions etc., was o.k. to do, but the apology should have come first.

I'm also kicking myself about my reaction because it is not indicative of how I do want our relationship to move forward. If I had handled the situation the proper way, we could have had a discussion several days after the incident, wherein I could not only explain verbally how I would like the relationship to move forward, but it could have also served as an illustration.

I could have sat down with her and explained that in the future I will be more respectful to her in public and much more cognizant of how my comments can be perceived. I could have explained that I recognized my error and immediately apologized.

Assuming I had done it correctly the first time, and then we discussed the issue like I stated, she could have reflected on the incident, having a more concrete example of how she should be treated all the time. And how I should be reacting to her, what is expected and what is not tolerated.

Instead, when I continue to try to bring up concepts of her being more "dominant," that I want a WLM, she can possibly think back to the night as it actually happened and think "what the hell is he talking about. That night didn't really show me that wants this. He must be just trying to get his kinky side met and doesn't really care about this other stuff."

Now, don't get me wrong - I did properly apologize the next day. But the force and effect is not the same.

I'm kicking myself for my mistake, but I have learned. Since that date I have made a better effort.

A little fun.

So, there is a young coach that my wife has hired for two of my kids for a sport. Apparently, he's rather good looking, information which my wife casually mentioned at a dinner party. She had never mentioned it to me before.

Furthering the conversation when we got home, she completely downplayed the entire thing. She said while he was cute, he was way too young for her, she didn't really think about him etc.

Now, while I like the cuckolding concept in fantasy, I highly highly doubt that I would ever even consider it. There would have to be a whole lot of discussion well before it would occur. More importantly, unless she's completely lying to me and I have no reason to ever believe that she is lying, she states she has zero desire to actually cheat on me.

When we were discussing this guy, it was totally relaxed, non-confrontational, just us talking. I took her at her word.

Later that night, I decided to have a little fun with her, just to see if she would go for it. When we were in bed and kissing, I started a little role playing pretending to be the guy, calling her by her married name "Mrs. [Smith], I'm glad you have the kids in my camp. I've been watching you and always thought you were so hot" and that sort of thing. She resisted doing it for a while, but I persisted, and eventually she came around. It was playful. I could tell it was more funny to her than sexy.

Definitely not something I ever expect for her to try to implement on her own. It was fun though.

So True

Does it Matter if She's More Interested?

Some recent events have me wondering more and more whether my journey is actually complete? Meaning, I'm beginning to think that we already live in a WLM and that the efforts on my part to get certain things are very much my own issues/problems and not hers.

I would like acknowledgement from her, I would like more direct commands, I would like more demands for service, I would like domestic discipline, I would like more tease & denial, I would like enforced chastity, I, I, I, I!!!!!! Those are all very clearly things I want - and not necessarily things she wants. In fact, she does some of those things. She does them, however, when she wants. She does them if I suggest them, but there have been times when she's done some of them on her own. Who am I to push to her to do them more? Shouldn't it be that she will do them when she wants?

I had two recent epiphanies. First, the entire family was out at the park and there was another family we are good friends with there. The other family was going out to dinner and my oldest son started asking me if we could go out to dinner. I did not commit, saying that we'd talk to his mother. Some time passed and it wasn't brought up again, but then he started saying that we were going to dinner. He had apparently asked his mom, who said yes, without ever consulting me. My son, then, started to say how mom was in charge, so we were going to dinner. She told him to stop it, to stop saying that, and saying that she would talk to me. But can anyone guess what happened? The fact of that matter is that he knows I'll check in with her, but she won't necessarily check in with me.

The second epiphany was that I was walking by the refrigerator and noticed that my wife had put a list of "things to fix" in the house. They included major projects like a repair that an actual contractor would do (not something I can do), but the remaining projects were all things that I could actually do. She never told me she was making the list. She never asked me to do anything on the list. Yet, after seeing it, I started to do the things on the list.

She, of course, noticed that I had some of them and thanked me for doing them. Again, she never asked for them to be done. She never demanded them to be done. I actually believe that when she wrote them and placed them on the refrigerator she never intended for me to just start doing them. That's not really her style. She put them there as a reminder to herself to get me to do them eventually.

Those two events - and the fact that she thanks me for doing all of these things, including things like last night thanking me for cleaning the counter and the bathroom etc., just really hit me that she is already living her version of a WLM.

It does seem to me that she has become more and more interested in some of the things like tease and denial and chastity and other things and I clearly hope that will continue and increase. The more I think about it, though, the more I realize that I am happier than I thought. I am happier because she is happy and where she wants to be.

The journey continues, but I'm much less stressed. And eagerly awaiting to complete the remaining tasks on the refrigerator.