It's Done

This is going to be a long post, so bear with me.

In my last post, I stated that I was planning on bringing her a rose and thanking her for Sunday night. Based on conversations we had later in the afternoon while I was still at work, bringing the rose was not going to be a good plan. I scrapped that idea.

Instead, on Monday night, I briefly and casually mentioned to her that I enjoyed Sunday night and left it that. She smiled and said she enjoyed it too. That was the end of the conversation. I wondered whether she truly understood that it was the full package of Sunday, as opposed to just and idea that we were intimate. There is a subtle difference in possible perception of Sunday night. On the one hand, I believe that almost all women in the world would like a night that occurred on Sunday. So, obviously, when she says she enjoyed it too, do I truly understand why she enjoyed it? Did she enjoy it because she was tired, got a massage, and had a great orgasm? Did she enjoy it because in addition to that, she did not have to reciprocate? Did she enjoy it because she actually got off on the idea of not doing anything sexual to me? Did she enjoy it because she knew I enjoyed it? Did she not really understand why I would like to have a night like that with her, thought it odd, but regardless, humored me because the result is long, sensual, relaxing, massage and then a great orgasm?

Communication is a funny thing. A simple comment between us wherein we both express happiness, but have we really communicated our feelings, desires, thoughts?

I was thinking all of these things on a deeper level, but on the surface, I did know that Sunday night touches and fulfills a deep need for me, and that she does enjoy that type of night too.

To put it bluntly, those are good things. I knew it was another slow step towards building a more intimate relationship between us. And that's the ultimate goal. I love this woman. In addition to that, I have these submissive tendencies in her presence, I have these kinks, and I have a desire to be more intimate with her. The term "intimate" does not mean sex. To me, it means more communication, more physical contact (regardless of sex), more playfulness and more quality time spent together.

"At all Times" suggested in my previous post that it might not be a good idea to bust out with a formal request for chastity after Sunday night. That was good advice, especially because the timing and situation was not right on Monday night. Showing her more and more about how and why Sunday night was great was a better idea.

But Tuesday brought forth an opportunity for me out of the blue. We had been emailing with each other throughout the day about day to day stuff. Then she emailed that a friend took our kids for a playdate, so she was excited to have free time to complete a bunch of errands and also get her nails done.

I responded that I was happy for her, especially getting to be able to run the errands without the kids. I also responded, though, "You don't have to get your nails done. You know that I love doing that for you. I understand the desire to be able to sit and have your nails done without the kids, so if that's what you want that's great. But I'd love to do them for you tonight."

Her response was "ok., maybe I won't get them done and have you do them tonight :)" I responded with "yea!!! That would make me very happy and I hope would make you very happy too."

Throughout the day, I never got confirmation one way or the other as to what happened. I did find out close to leaving work that we were going to be having a bunch of kids sleeping over, so I figured the nails wouldn't occur.

When I arrived home, there was a house full of kids (chaos - but good chaos - love those kids), and she was actually making dinner. As we talked, I noticed that her nails were done. They looked great on her. I didn't say anything. The kids had already eaten, so we sat down and had a nice meal together talking about everything. Near the end, I mentioned her nails and she told about this new place a friend had recommended that she wanted to try, it was with a different type of procedure and she was happy with them. I complimented her on nice they looked. She did mention, however, that she didn't get her toes done. She didn't mention whether she wanted me to do them, so it was just left hanging.

Fast forward a lot time and finally the kids were in beds and we were in our room watching tv. It was funny, because I still didn't really know whether she wanted me to do her toes. As we were sitting on the top of the covers, she took of her socks and sat there for a bit. I was about to offer to do her nails, but instead, she simply handed me a bottle of polish!

If you're reading my blog, then you'll understand - her simply taking off her socks and handing me the polish was phenomenal. I was immediately excited by her simple, silent, demand. It wasn't a demand, though. She didn't have to "order" me to do her nails. At the time she handed the polish to me, my heart leapt a bit, because it gave me the hope that maybe, just maybe, she was beginning to understand not only me, but also herself.

I talked about subtle differences before and it applies here. In my particular situation with her, prior attempts at discussing Femdom, being submissive, or BDSM or whatever, always led her have the repugnant vision of her being leather clad, wearing 6 inch thigh high boot, whip wielding, and calling me a worm. Not only is that not what I wanted, but also very clearly not what she ever wanted. Still, whenever the discussions began, that was her baseline, even if that's not what I was attempting to convey. Over the last year, I've made the concerted effort to convey that's not the situation.

So, the subtle difference her was, in our most recent discussions, and my most recent offer to do her nails, it led me to believe she understood it to be exactly what it represented. She could "demand" for me to do her nails, but she didn't have to do it as a leather clad Femdom. She could simply say, "I'd like my nails done tonight" and know that when this occurred, it would also make me very happy.

I spent the next 30 minutes or so, giving her feet the full procedure. Buffing the feet, applying the lotion on the feet, clipping the nails, and painting and polishing the feet. All the while we (well, mainly her) watched tv and talking to each other. Sublime.

Once finished, I cleaned everything up and got back in bed. Another 10 minutes or so went by. I was perfectly content and happy.

But then, she did something I never expected and still can't believe. And even as I think about it the day after, I still get excited and can't believe.

We were under the covers and she started to gently rub my thigh. Gradually she reached my groin and spent about 10 minutes lightly caressing, scratching and stroking me through my underwear. She never made any effort to do anything more. It was definitely light enough that it wouldn't ever bring me off, but highly enjoyable and maddening enough for me. I was literally panting and squirming. I cannot explain how phenomenal the feeling was or the thoughts that were flying through me head. I was almost thinking that she had somehow found this blog, or at least another WLM blog, or chastity blog or something because whether she knew it or not, she was making me insane.

Eventually she stopped and rolled on top of me and we kissed aggressively and passionately. I was fit to burst with her leisurely grinding on me. I could not take it any more. Sunday night, our conversations, the nails, what she was doing etc., I just could not hold back.

I began telling her how much I loved her, how much I enjoyed doing that for her on Sunday, how grateful I was that she let me do her nails and just watched in joy as she had a huge grin on her face. She enjoyed all of it too and I finally just took the plunge. I asked her if I could request something and, honestly, I think she knew. As weird as that sounds, I think she knew I was going to ask for "chastity." I explained how much we enjoyed doing it previously (albeit on a temporary basis), asked if she enjoyed it as much as I did, and asked her to have us engage in her complete control over all of my orgasms. That I could not masturbate anymore, that I could only have an orgasm whenever she said it was o.k. and that, of course, she could have as many orgasms as she wanted, whenever.

And she not only agreed, but was excited. Like this wasn't a weird request. Like she genuinely wanted to do it - for her and for us - not saying "yes" to the idea just because she wanted to placate me.

After we discussed it more and we talked about how she could have all of the orgasms she wanted, she said "so you've to work to do," and gently pushed me down. And when she was done, we spent time embracing and said it was time to sleep.

Can't even explain how happy I am right now. Best Christmas ever. I can't believe it.

I've refrained from drowning her lengthy discussions about it today. Last night, I told her how perfect it was and I absolutely don't want to suffocate her. I do not want her to think that now I'll be pestering her 24/7 about chastity or a WLM. I never even mentioned a device.

I have so many things I want to ask, want to do etc., but I have to thank all of the other blogs out there on these subjects, especially At all Times for not only their direct advice to me, but also the wisdom imparted in their own blogs. Without that information, I'm sure I would have screwed this up a long long time ago.

Follow Up

It was a very long weekend, but in a good way. Lots of time spent with friends and family in festive settings, having a blast. We got home late both nights and were exhausted, so there was no playing, but we had been flirting with each other both nights.

Sunday night was no different with another party. We arrived home early, though, and were in bed by 9:00, with us both reading the Sunday paper. I was horny (as usual), but also knew how tired she was and that she really wanted to relax a little, read the paper, and go to bed.

Undaunted, but with a plan, I began touching her, lightly giving her kisses and received the response that I was expecting: she said "Really? I'm just so tired."

"Don't worry, you'll enjoy it, and you won't have to do anything." She looked at me, smirked, giving me the go-ahead, but I could tell she was still a little reluctant.

I manuevered her to be lying on her back and spent a long time just kissing and caressing her. Little nibbles on the neck. Gentle stroking of her face and eventually moving to her breasts. Long time spent on her stomach and breasts, all the while keeping her clothes on (it's cold out there!). She was thoroughly enjoying the attention and completely relaxing, allowing me to do everything.

Moving to my next plan, I removed her shirt, pants and underwear and then made her lie down face first. Clearly confused, she remarked "what are you doing now?" "You'll see," I said.

Once she was on her stomach, I began to give her a massage on her shoulders and back. She definitely enjoyed that for the 15 minutes I did on her shoulders, arms, and back. I then spent about 10 minutes massages her legs and caressing her legs and back.

I had accomplished everything I had hoped by that point - she was very relaxed, happy and aroused. Turning her back over, I then gently and slowly brought her to a strong orgasm with my mouth and hands. It wasn't fast and hard - more like a long, slow build up right till the end.

It took her some time to recover and I tried to start again, but was denied. She noted that she was still buzzing and completely content. We hugged and kissed more and after a couple of minutes, she reached for me and gently stroked.

We are not engaged in any time of chastity or orgasm denial. So, I assume she would have just continued. But, that wasn't the point. The point (for me) was that prior to starting all this, I had told her she didn't have to do anything. More importantly, I wanted again to show her a) that I thoroughly enjoyed doing this for her without any need for immediate reciprocation; and b) that this denial is enjoyable.

So I stopped her, explaining that wasn't necessary. I helped dress her again and had her lay her head on my chest, drapped around me and let her fall asleep.

Honestly - that night is the type of love making I enjoy, even more so than just kissing her for a bit, whiping the clothes off and plunging into her and being done in 5 minutes.

So, now, the next step. I am going to bring roses to her tonight, with a note, thanking her for last night. Depending on how the conversation goes after giving her the flowers, I may broach the subject of full time chastity. She'll have the kids all day today, so I never know what type of day it will be for her. She may be completely frazzled, but we'll see.

Gonna make it difficult to wait till the end of the day.

Stress

I am finding that the more and more I get stressed at work, the more and more I am obsessing about approaching her with the request for full blown chastity, with a device. Not sure if it is directly related to the stress, or just a normal ebb and flow of my desires.

It also has led to me wonder I am have not yet approached her with the formal request. I'm not afraid of what she'll think of me. She is acutely aware that I'm very kinky. This will not come as a shock to her. Sarah Jameson's blog (www.malechastityblog.com), and others, have mentioned the unsuspecting vanilla wife being overwhelmed, shocked and appalled by the bomb being dropped on her out of the blue. As anyone who has read the majority of my own blog, that will not be the case for her.

In fact, for the last year, I have made it a point to slowly introduce things to her to make the more and more the norm than the "weird" thing. If a woman has never had a man eat her creampie before, the first time it occurs can be a huge range of emotions and thoughts. Shock, turned-on, feeling dirty, etc. But, if that same woman has a man who did it the first time, then did it every time from that point forward, that woman would feel the creampie eating was normal after a while.

I think I've succeeded in my introduction of various things with her that if I requested one day that we engage in permanent chastity, should would not be shocked, appalled or overwhelmed.

So why the delay? Probably boils down to the fact that I believe I have only one chance, one shot, to broach the subject to her and get a yes. And what I mean by that is a "yes" with an actual, conscious effort on her part to engage in the chastity together. Just putting on a device, with no change in her behavior at all would not be rewarding for either of us.

So I've been trying to figure out the right way to approach her, when to approach her, how much to tell her, what details to say, etc. But, as I said before, the more and more stressed I am getting at work (all time high), the more and more I'm wanting to just blurt it all out as we are sitting watching Glee or something. It's been maddening.

And with holidays, it seems like every day/night there is something new. My office party, her holiday get together she does with her friends every year, friends visiting, friends Holiday party, house issues, kids sports........ Just never ending.

I laugh, sometimes think that I'll just walk up to her at one of our parties, hand her a little key and whisper "honey, I've locked my penis into a metal chastity device and am giving you this key. I hope you will enjoy controlling all of my orgasms and don't worry, I will satisfy you sexually in all ways you deem proper during this time" and be done with it. Yea, I know, I'll never do that, because it wouldn't work, but still.

And now, back to work.

Daily Viewing

I can't go a more than a couple of days without being tempted to view this tumblr:

http://yourbootblack.tumblr.com/

It's phenomenal.

And of course, here's a great photo from there:



I doubt I really need to point out why this photo is so alluring to me - books/panties/key. Wow

Photo

Does anyone know why I posted this one?



You might have to click on the photo to figure out why

Topping from the Bottom

In my "Effort" post a while back, I expressed the frustration with her seeming lack of desire to put forth any effort to "take matters into her own hand" so to speak, despite expressing enjoyment of the various WLM activities we engaged in. She definitely enjoyed the pedicures, service, etc., and enjoyed the tease & denial when in the moment.

That's not to say that she is actually telling me one thing, but feeling another. I know her well enough to know that if she did not enjoy them in the first place, she would not do them at all.

What's really happening is that she does not think about kink, or sex, or even WLM type things. So, even if she were interested in sex, she would never just put on simple lingerie and say "let's go" or anything like that. She claims that she just "doesn't think that way."

Part of that is she's never been like that. Ever. Now, the issue is compounded by the fact that we have kids and we both have stressful careers. For me, though, when I need to de-stress, I read other WLM/FLR blogs, think about fun things to do with her, think of ways to make her happy, etc. On a day to day basis, this is not something that she does. She's running around, juggling a lot of balls in the air, and then by the time I get home, just wants to get away and forget about everything. (For those of you old enough to remember, think of the "Calgon, take me away" commercials. Or even those Toyota commercials where the mom stays in the mini van.)

I read a post in another blog regarding WLM in which the wife seemed similar to mine by her inability and/or lack of desire to come up with rules or things that the sub needed to do for her. Instead, her decision was to require HIM to come up with the list, present it to her at the beginning of the week, and then subject to her changes and approval, it was up to him to complete the tasks.

I know that should I succeed in further developing this lifestyle, it is that type of action that will be necessary. And I'd be perfectly happy with that.

Best Photo Ever

The following photo has been taken from http://yourbootblack.tumblr.com/. That tumblr is simply perfect in my eyes. The images collected and shared are directly in my wheel house.

One recently posted is actually .gif. Not sure if I know how to post a .gif, so if clicking on the photo does not open it in a new window in which the picture is moving, then head over to http://yourbootblack.tumblr.com/tagged/tease and scroll down till you find it.

Just seeing this got me thinking. I feel like if you show this to someone who's never engaged in chastity, female domination or bdsm etc., their initial reaction would go a long way to immediately determining whether they will ever be interested in that lifestyle. Much of our sexual turn-on's are not controllable. You see an image; you read a story; you have a stimulating discussion; you engage in some sexual activity - your reaction is not necessarily controllable. You see or do it and it turns you on. Or not.

I assume a woman, seeing this gif, would have the reaction of "ohhhhh, that looks delicious" or "ewe, gross." Of course, there are always shades of grey, but I still think that the actual photo - being tied up, the use of chastity device, and the gentle swinging of the key with the him following the gentle swing of the key - the is either something attractive or disturbing to the viewer.