Topping from the Bottom

In my "Effort" post a while back, I expressed the frustration with her seeming lack of desire to put forth any effort to "take matters into her own hand" so to speak, despite expressing enjoyment of the various WLM activities we engaged in. She definitely enjoyed the pedicures, service, etc., and enjoyed the tease & denial when in the moment.

That's not to say that she is actually telling me one thing, but feeling another. I know her well enough to know that if she did not enjoy them in the first place, she would not do them at all.

What's really happening is that she does not think about kink, or sex, or even WLM type things. So, even if she were interested in sex, she would never just put on simple lingerie and say "let's go" or anything like that. She claims that she just "doesn't think that way."

Part of that is she's never been like that. Ever. Now, the issue is compounded by the fact that we have kids and we both have stressful careers. For me, though, when I need to de-stress, I read other WLM/FLR blogs, think about fun things to do with her, think of ways to make her happy, etc. On a day to day basis, this is not something that she does. She's running around, juggling a lot of balls in the air, and then by the time I get home, just wants to get away and forget about everything. (For those of you old enough to remember, think of the "Calgon, take me away" commercials. Or even those Toyota commercials where the mom stays in the mini van.)

I read a post in another blog regarding WLM in which the wife seemed similar to mine by her inability and/or lack of desire to come up with rules or things that the sub needed to do for her. Instead, her decision was to require HIM to come up with the list, present it to her at the beginning of the week, and then subject to her changes and approval, it was up to him to complete the tasks.

I know that should I succeed in further developing this lifestyle, it is that type of action that will be necessary. And I'd be perfectly happy with that.

Best Photo Ever

The following photo has been taken from http://yourbootblack.tumblr.com/. That tumblr is simply perfect in my eyes. The images collected and shared are directly in my wheel house.

One recently posted is actually .gif. Not sure if I know how to post a .gif, so if clicking on the photo does not open it in a new window in which the picture is moving, then head over to http://yourbootblack.tumblr.com/tagged/tease and scroll down till you find it.

Just seeing this got me thinking. I feel like if you show this to someone who's never engaged in chastity, female domination or bdsm etc., their initial reaction would go a long way to immediately determining whether they will ever be interested in that lifestyle. Much of our sexual turn-on's are not controllable. You see an image; you read a story; you have a stimulating discussion; you engage in some sexual activity - your reaction is not necessarily controllable. You see or do it and it turns you on. Or not.

I assume a woman, seeing this gif, would have the reaction of "ohhhhh, that looks delicious" or "ewe, gross." Of course, there are always shades of grey, but I still think that the actual photo - being tied up, the use of chastity device, and the gentle swinging of the key with the him following the gentle swing of the key - the is either something attractive or disturbing to the viewer.

So true!

It's sad, but true.

Good News, I guess!

We were talking recently, just in general, what we liked about sex. It wasn't a "tell me your deep dark secrets" kind of thing. It was things like "I like being on top more than missionary", "do you like doggie style more than on top" etc.

She stated that her favorite position is her on top (Cowgirl), with me using my fingers or some vibrating mechanism. The combination of penetration and clitorial stimulation really brings it all together for her. That position also hits her g-spot as much as it can straight intercourse, so that helps too. And, she really enjoys that she can go at whatever pace she wants.

And that's the good news, of course! One reason I don't believe I'll ever be able to convince her on extended periods of chastity, though, is because there is no way that when we are in that position that I can hold out before she's done. Just never going to happen. That's why I'm really considering buying one of those penis sheaths (also called extenders), or something to cover me up so that I don't feel it to make me last longer.

Pics

No updates, but some great pix.

I have to give credit where I found them. If you get the chance, check out It's great.

Of course, I didn't re-blog them all, just ones that I found particularly interesting.

This first one is a no-brainer for me. What I wouldn't give for my wife to order me into this. I have to admit that the photo is probably a classic male centered view of domination (the garter belt with stockings and blouse), but still. For me, reading the book, enjoying the champagne and the position do it all for me.



I love this one for the pure torture. I'm sure it's still pleasurable for him, but clearly not what he wants. In my mind, she doesn't even let him finish off, even with the fleshlight.



Along the same lines of the first one, this photo captures the pure fun she's having with him. She doesn't want to be bothered, she wants to read her book, but she also wants to make sure that he's teased and denied. There's no way she can stroke consistently enough, long enough, or hard enough while reading the book because she's too engrossed in the book. So he'll just have to suffer, standing there hard for however long she wants.



These next ones are not from dishevelleddomina. I don't remember where I got them, so if they are yours and wish for me to take them down, please let me know. Regardless, can you imagine walking around the corner and finding her? She's confident, intelligent (obviously - she's reading books in the library!), she has fashion sense, she's proud of who she is, and she does not care what others think about her. She's a real woman. Wow.



Again, this woman is in charge. She wants the kiss. She is doing this all for her pleasure and she wants his cock. She'll do whatever she wants and he'll do whatever she wants.

The Slow Dance

There was no full blown discussion about the "why" she did what she did the last time. But we did discuss sex in general. As you will recall, the last event occurred with me pleasing her orally and with hands. The time before that was the same.

While she loves that.......she emphatically expressed that she needs direct intercourse. She's not that big on toys, much preferring me instead of a dildo or vibrator. So, even if were able to engage in full blown chastity, I'm sure it couldn't be a long term chastity, unless there were simply no sexual encounters.

The problem (for me), is that there is an inverse relationship between the number of orgasms I have and the length of time I can hold out during sex. More and frequent orgasms = much longer staying power. Longer chastity = going off very quickly.

It's the "longer chastity = going off very quickly" that is the problem in intercourse. If she's needing/wanting a good session that way, if I've been in chastity, I simply will not last long enough to satisfy her.

And the reason I'm concerned about this is, well, if I ever hope to sell her on the idea of chastity, I want her to be happy and fulfilled too. This presents as stumbling block.

Now, there are definite ways to deal with the issue, so it's not a complete bar. The easiest solution is actually something that I would be completely happy with: it's all her decision. Chastity would be all up to her anyway - meaning she would have authority to determine how long it would last. One week? Two? 6 months? Whatever she wanted. Some might consider my willingness to allow her to decide not a risk at all because I know that she would never pick 6 months. She would not want to go without intercourse for 6 months.

And, of course, I'm getting wayyyyyyyyy ahead of myself because we're not even there yet!

A month between updates is too long!

I could start the post with all of the banal "I'm busy, work, life, kids", yadda, yadda, yadda, but that's not necessary.

I know that my wife will never ever embrace a full WLM, with domestic discipline, much more kinkiness, gender play, strap-on play etc. For all submissive men, or in general BDSM players, that is what you want. I'm sure there will be many who claim that if it were a "real WLM", then you'd not want any of those things, and instead only want whatever she wanted. I'm sure there are people who are like that. All I can say is that for me, that would never work.

Does that mean I "require" all of those things to be happy? Hell no. Does it mean if she never adopts any of that, I'll never be happy? Nope. I'm very happy in my marriage. I am always looking to improve my life in all aspects. Marriage, relationships, work, kids - I never stop trying to improve situation and myself.

And I have been slowly successful in certain aspects. On the WLM front, it's becoming more and more normal for her to be more assertive. These aren't of the immediate erection inducing comments, but more of a comfortable, normal interaction between us.

Here are some examples:
On Saturday, I did a lot of yard work (hard stuff [not detailed to protect identities!], not just raking leaves type stuff) and was still working at when she got home. After I was done with that, I was upstairs taking a shower and we were talking about all the things we still had to do for the day (i.e., take one kid here, take another kid there etc). Her comment to me was: "And you have to figure out what you're making for dinner, because I'm certainly not cooking." I'm sure I don't have to explain why this comment is so perfect.

We still have never had any type of formal conversation about adopting a WLM. I've never given any of the WLM type books out there (though I've read some.) We most certainly haven't discussed "submissiveness" or played any of the "games" I introduced before in a long long time. Yet, I think that because of my casual introduction of these concepts to her, over the long haul, she's just becoming more comfortable and understanding of what works. It's not as if she consciously thought "I'm going to make a comment in this manner because I want to titillate him." No, instead she knows I like those comments/actions, encouraged her to continue that, and she has just adopted it more and more.

Don't get me wrong; I personally believe that we can take all of this much much further. But I am very happy that it is moving along, albeit slowly.

I am still moving forward with actually adopting a formal male chastity lifestyle though. In general, whenever we make love, if I have brought her off by oral or something other than intercourse, she always reciprocates. For a long time, I've made comments to her, before she starts, like "you know, you don't have to do that if you don't want" or something to that effect. She always wants to do it, and so we are all good.

A couple of nights ago, we were making love and after I worked her to several orgasms, she was reciprocating. We had a nice exchange, though I know she still doesn't fully understand the concept. She had made a comment, before starting, about making me happy. I used that opening to say to her that what would make me happier was if, instead of bringing to orgasm, she denied me. She was "game" for it, and teased me a lot, but I know she still didn't really understand why I'd want that, what it meant or anything like that. She also wasn't successful, because she brought me off in all the teasing!! I had tried to get her to stop, but she didn't stop quickly enough and I was too far gone.

She was into the idea, so that's all good. While it didn't really work, doesn't bother me in the least, because she's open to the idea, I believe. I don't know how open she'd be if I suggested we do it for a month, give her complete control or whatever.

The discussion we had that wasn't geared towards a temporary game, but it also wasn't a direct request to adopt it for the future. I know that if I push things, move things too quickly, or continually talk about these things with her, she shuts down. I let everything slide, though I did, that night, explain how much I liked the denial.

The real interesting thing happened a couple of days later. We were watching TV together on the couch. At a commercial, I got up and asked if she wanted anything. She said no, but she was looking good on the couch and so I went and kissed her. She responded well, so I continued and kept going. She was responding very well, so I pulled off her shorts and brought her to a great orgasm on my knees while she lay back on the couch. After number one, I sat on the couch and used my hands for #2 and #3.

Hugging and kissing her afterward, I said "that was so much fun" and "I love to do that with you." She was very appreciative and said so. She made no effort to reciprocate, but we snuggled for a long time. Eventually, I dressed her and we continued to watch TV. As we were sitting there, she let me caress her legs and feet for a while. She used one of her feet to play with my still extremely erect member. Nothing to bring me off, or even close, but more of a playful acknowledgement. After a while, she moved to put her head near my lap and snaked a hand into my shorts, and rested her hand near my balls. She casually stroked in the area, but again, nothing on the penis or any move to engage further.

That TV session was heaven!!! It was perfect. I loved every second of it. But, my question is, did she consciously do that - and I mean do everything? Did she not reciprocate because she knew I'd love it if she didn't? Did she allow me to caress her legs and feet afterward because she knew I'd love that and it would keep me going? Was the foot on my crotch very specific, or something that just presented itself at the time? Was the light caress specifically designed?

I don't know!!! I have to talk to her about it, because I think it can only be a win/win situation. If she was doing it all on purpose, with purpose and thought, then we are much closer to adopting the lifestyle. If she didn't do it all on purpose, then there is no harm in telling her how much I absolutely loved it. Either way, it's all looking good.