A month between updates is too long!

I could start the post with all of the banal "I'm busy, work, life, kids", yadda, yadda, yadda, but that's not necessary.

I know that my wife will never ever embrace a full WLM, with domestic discipline, much more kinkiness, gender play, strap-on play etc. For all submissive men, or in general BDSM players, that is what you want. I'm sure there will be many who claim that if it were a "real WLM", then you'd not want any of those things, and instead only want whatever she wanted. I'm sure there are people who are like that. All I can say is that for me, that would never work.

Does that mean I "require" all of those things to be happy? Hell no. Does it mean if she never adopts any of that, I'll never be happy? Nope. I'm very happy in my marriage. I am always looking to improve my life in all aspects. Marriage, relationships, work, kids - I never stop trying to improve situation and myself.

And I have been slowly successful in certain aspects. On the WLM front, it's becoming more and more normal for her to be more assertive. These aren't of the immediate erection inducing comments, but more of a comfortable, normal interaction between us.

Here are some examples:
On Saturday, I did a lot of yard work (hard stuff [not detailed to protect identities!], not just raking leaves type stuff) and was still working at when she got home. After I was done with that, I was upstairs taking a shower and we were talking about all the things we still had to do for the day (i.e., take one kid here, take another kid there etc). Her comment to me was: "And you have to figure out what you're making for dinner, because I'm certainly not cooking." I'm sure I don't have to explain why this comment is so perfect.

We still have never had any type of formal conversation about adopting a WLM. I've never given any of the WLM type books out there (though I've read some.) We most certainly haven't discussed "submissiveness" or played any of the "games" I introduced before in a long long time. Yet, I think that because of my casual introduction of these concepts to her, over the long haul, she's just becoming more comfortable and understanding of what works. It's not as if she consciously thought "I'm going to make a comment in this manner because I want to titillate him." No, instead she knows I like those comments/actions, encouraged her to continue that, and she has just adopted it more and more.

Don't get me wrong; I personally believe that we can take all of this much much further. But I am very happy that it is moving along, albeit slowly.

I am still moving forward with actually adopting a formal male chastity lifestyle though. In general, whenever we make love, if I have brought her off by oral or something other than intercourse, she always reciprocates. For a long time, I've made comments to her, before she starts, like "you know, you don't have to do that if you don't want" or something to that effect. She always wants to do it, and so we are all good.

A couple of nights ago, we were making love and after I worked her to several orgasms, she was reciprocating. We had a nice exchange, though I know she still doesn't fully understand the concept. She had made a comment, before starting, about making me happy. I used that opening to say to her that what would make me happier was if, instead of bringing to orgasm, she denied me. She was "game" for it, and teased me a lot, but I know she still didn't really understand why I'd want that, what it meant or anything like that. She also wasn't successful, because she brought me off in all the teasing!! I had tried to get her to stop, but she didn't stop quickly enough and I was too far gone.

She was into the idea, so that's all good. While it didn't really work, doesn't bother me in the least, because she's open to the idea, I believe. I don't know how open she'd be if I suggested we do it for a month, give her complete control or whatever.

The discussion we had that wasn't geared towards a temporary game, but it also wasn't a direct request to adopt it for the future. I know that if I push things, move things too quickly, or continually talk about these things with her, she shuts down. I let everything slide, though I did, that night, explain how much I liked the denial.

The real interesting thing happened a couple of days later. We were watching TV together on the couch. At a commercial, I got up and asked if she wanted anything. She said no, but she was looking good on the couch and so I went and kissed her. She responded well, so I continued and kept going. She was responding very well, so I pulled off her shorts and brought her to a great orgasm on my knees while she lay back on the couch. After number one, I sat on the couch and used my hands for #2 and #3.

Hugging and kissing her afterward, I said "that was so much fun" and "I love to do that with you." She was very appreciative and said so. She made no effort to reciprocate, but we snuggled for a long time. Eventually, I dressed her and we continued to watch TV. As we were sitting there, she let me caress her legs and feet for a while. She used one of her feet to play with my still extremely erect member. Nothing to bring me off, or even close, but more of a playful acknowledgement. After a while, she moved to put her head near my lap and snaked a hand into my shorts, and rested her hand near my balls. She casually stroked in the area, but again, nothing on the penis or any move to engage further.

That TV session was heaven!!! It was perfect. I loved every second of it. But, my question is, did she consciously do that - and I mean do everything? Did she not reciprocate because she knew I'd love it if she didn't? Did she allow me to caress her legs and feet afterward because she knew I'd love that and it would keep me going? Was the foot on my crotch very specific, or something that just presented itself at the time? Was the light caress specifically designed?

I don't know!!! I have to talk to her about it, because I think it can only be a win/win situation. If she was doing it all on purpose, with purpose and thought, then we are much closer to adopting the lifestyle. If she didn't do it all on purpose, then there is no harm in telling her how much I absolutely loved it. Either way, it's all looking good.

Effort

It's boring to continually state that there have been no new developments, but, well, there haven't. That has been, I guess, my fault, since I have made no effort to advance a WLM. Nor have I made any effort to instill any lesser form of WLM, like just introducing chastity instead of a full fledged WLM. I haven't offered to do any pedicures or other pampering type things.

Part of the reason is lack of interaction on her part. She has not requested, hinted, or suggested that any of these things continue. She had not shown any interest. I have been extremely busy at work, working very long hours, and we did recently spend weekends away - not by choice, but it's just how it worked out.

I also have not made any advances on her. Which means, in a way, I am in Chastity because nothing has happened for a long time. I made a personal decision that I would not have an orgasm unless it was specifically done by her, so I'm struggling along in a situation that, I think, is more frustrating than actual Chastity! It's more of a deny and ignore situation, than a tease and deny. There is no teasing going on!

I know this shall pass, but I'm not sure when, or how.

Great Video!

Sorry - still on the kick of women and books. She really knows her Ray Bradbury books!

http://www.funnyordie.com/videos/70bf2e4f05/fuck-me-ray-bradbury

(you'll have to cut and paste that to watch it.)

Portman

Can't resist re-blogging this!



Re-posted from http://bohemea.tumblr.com/post/959889595

Chickened Out!

Everything I've done to this point in terms of developing a WLM has been mostly as little "games" to spice things up. There have been some informal, and some more formal, ways in which it has been implemented, but there has never been any "honey, I want to discuss with you about adopting a WLM" and then going from there. I have never formally opened up with the idea to her on a permanent basis.

While I have not, from my side, approached her, she has also never approached me on any aspect. She has not spontaneously discussed any aspect of WLM, Femdom, or other kink. That's not to say that sometimes during sex, she hasn't done some stuff. She did spontaneously spank me playfully once and there are some other things, but we've never been sitting there, after the kids were in bed, started to discuss any of this on a more permanent basis.

I've come to believe that for it to ever work, it will have to be a very gradual thing - one that will take years, if at all. Meaning, I do not believe if I tried to sit down and explain everything I would want/desire in a WLM, and then do a "boot camp" suggestion like the Around Her Finger people suggest, or take any other steps to implement the WLM immediately, that it would not work. She would be overwhelmed by the sudden change, feel pressured, and would take to the idea kicking and screaming, instead of embracing the idea.

So, realizing that it would have to be a very long, gradual change, my thoughts were to implement only portions of things that would give her control. I figured I could formally introduce distinct things that give her control and let that process run its way through, have her enjoy it, get a feel for it, embrace it and hopefully desire more control in other areas.

I came to the conclusion that I would approach her with complete orgasm control - that she would control all of my orgasms. She could have as many as she wanted and she could allow me to have as many as she wanted. I could not masturbate or have any orgasms unless she specifically granted that permission.

A long time ago, I wrote up a short letter to her to introduce the concept and idea, inviting for more discussion. That letter has been revised many times, but regardless, I never felt the time was right to give it her. I finally gathered the courage to do it.

The plan was to leave it on top of the coffee maker on Friday, a place where I knew she would absolutely see it, because she gets her coffee every morning. As the time drew near, I kept going back and forth on whether I should put it there or not. Finally, I decided to do it. Extremely hesitant and nervous, I did place it on the coffee pot and started to leave. As I was walking towards the door, she was coming downstairs, all dressed in her workout clothes. She is usually asleep when I leave, so I was sorta surprised to see her. She looked a little stressed already.

I asked how her day would be, if she was going to be busy, etc., and she started listing off all of these things she had to do, and I could tell she had a lot on her plate. Walking with her into the kitchen, I surreptitiously pulled the letter off of the coffee pot before she could see what it was. I know she saw me pull paper off, but I also know she had no idea what it was. We kissed goodbye and I went to work. She never mentioned anything about the paper.

It was the right decision. All that letter would have done if she read it that day was to stress her out more. It would not have been received well. I worked all day feeling good about not giving it to her, but also a little bummed that it hadn't happened yet.

Then, Friday night happened. Friday night was great, confusing, interesting and unexpected. We had dinner with another couple, which was fun. I can't say she ended up drunk, but she was definitely feeling the effects of alcohol. I would assume that it played a part in this, but when we got to bed, she wanted to play and play we did. Me on top ended with us both being happy, with completion inside her. Laying next to her afterward, still kissing, I could tell she was still in the "on" mode. Usually, after one, she is willing to call it a night. It's almost like I have to convince her to go for round two. This night, however, was different. As I was caressing her, she was very receptive, giving me clear signals that she wanted more.

Her reaction stirred a reaction in me. The more I caressed and kissed, the more I was very interested in giving her more. The question was "how." As I've discussed below, I'm one of the ones who finds creampies extremely exciting, yet have a difficulty in doing them because immediately after orgasm, the desire immediately goes away. Well, this time, since we were continuing, she was responding, and I could feel how engorged and slick she was, the idea was getting more and more attractive.

It happened and it was phenomenal. I loved it. I know she loved it. But what I don't know if she understood what happened! I would assume she did, but she's never mentioned it. You would think that it was a foregone conclusion that she absolutely knew about, but with her, I'm not so sure. Maybe she just chooses to not think about it. I don't know.

She also made a comment that night that I didn't understand. I can't repeat it, but it was kink related comment that absolutely requires me to find out from her what she was trying to say. I don't know if she even knows what she was trying to say, but the simple fact that she brought it up was positive. Again, it's that slow moving train.

All I know is that I want to repeat that night, I need to find out what she meant by the comment, and I feel emboldened to give that letter. When it gets delivered, again, is still something I want to be careful with.

Lighten Up!

First off - no updates on anything - career, family, friends, finances, etc., have taken precedence. Now is not the time to try to further implement a more defined and acknowledged WLM. We have connected a lot recently, but when you finally approach her, you want to do it when you think it has the best chances of working. It's not always just what you say, it's when and how you say it too. That time will come.

The Federal Court just shot down Prop 8 in California. I'm sure everyone is actually aware of Prop 8, but essentially, California voted to define a marriage between a man and a woman, obviously, which would prevent homosexual couples from getting married.

I will not step into a legal, political, and religious landmine and attempt to discuss the issue. I find that instead of opening a discussion, it invites the extremes from both sides to rattle their sabres, completely shutting out any sense of resolving anything.

Instead, that ruling, along with the idea that there are so many people out there who are hesitant to even bring up their most intimate desires to people they love has me thinking that I just wish people would just lighten the hell up!!!!!! Honestly, there are so many repeated examples of people reacting negatively to the honest truth of someone else, it's sickening.

A person comes out as being homosexual and fears all of the negative reactions from family, friends and loved ones. A person comes out as being transgendered and it's almost worse than coming out as being homosexual. Even things that people who are naturally kinky would think are very "vanilla", such as asking your partner to tie you up, freaks some people out. Asking for role play. Tease & Denial. It just blows me away that people have so many hangups about anything related to sex.

I understand that people are different and that's actually good for the world. I understand that no matter how kinky you are, you have limits and things that will not interest you. A woman who loves being a FemDom may not like forced feminization for her man. A woman who loves male chastity may not enjoy FemDom. You get the point.

But, it just seems to me to that there are way too many people who's view is that anything other than "normal" sexual relations is considered deviant, distasteful and refuse to have an open mind to explore themselves, their partners and the world.

Open up. Be more understanding. Be more adventerous. Be less judgemental. It would make people happier, in my humble opinion. Go out there and try something new people!!! Keep an open mind about it, discuss it, enjoy it and if it fails, just chalk it up as a learning experience!

No updates

I would love to have made an update that said we were going forward, or heck, even backward, but unfortunately, there is nothing to report. A million things going on, and our relationship is still very strong, and we're very much still in love. So everything is great. Just nothing on the WLM front.

Now, if I can ever win that lottery - I would ensure that I could have this in my new house!!!