We are still very early on the orgasm control. It's funny, though, because I think she has perceived it as me have a much increased desire for her. That's not entirely accurate, though. The thing is, even when I was masturbating, I wanted to be with her every night of the week. I knew she would not enjoy that, so I refrained. I refrained many, many times from even suggesting anything, because I didn't want to make her feel bad for refusing.
Now that we are into the orgasm control, I think she is perceiving that whenever I touch her, playfully grab her butt, cuddle her at night, stroke her leg or stomach or something, she is thinking "oh, he wants sex again."
While that is true, it's also very NOT true. Many times I'm doing it just to have the touch/intimacy. On the other hand, it is correct because if she ever started kissing me, or invited it to go further, I would definitely do it. I guess the interesting thing to me is, my desire for her is not different now than before the orgasm control. I was this much in love and desired her before we started this.
A couple of nights ago, she was very tired when hitting the bed, but I became frisky. She made a comment like "really, even when I'm this tired? I should really start letting you masturbate again." She said it more of joke than anything. I thought it was kind of funny.
I brought her off to two orgasms and the lay there on the bed, face down, while I gently stroked her back. After a couple of minutes, she got up and went to the bathroom, came back to bed, told me to put her pants back on and said it was time for bed.
Loved the way she did that. That was great.
On the other hand, it's not all perfect, at least for me. Only because I am still curious to see what she thinks about the whole thing, independently of me. I've already discussed before that she does not like to discuss these things continually. No matter how I cut it, it's still a discussion about sex and she does discuss sex every once in while, but does not want to do that once or twice a week. So, I'm not sure at all what she's feeling or thinking about the whole thing.
Does she just enjoy the orgasms? Does she actually think about my situation? Does that turn her on? Does she actually like to deny me, or is it more of where she had her orgasm and is perfectly happy to go to sleep? Does the thought even cross her mind that "my, my, my, he hasn't cum in two weeks. I wonder what he's feeling?"
One thing that has not happened is any type of increased attention from her. There isn't any increased touching on her part, and definitely no teasing or even comments about teasing. That's part of the reason why I'm so curious about what's going on in her head.
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4 comments:
AO - that was a very interesting post, you and I are so much alike.
Quite clearly, like me, denial in itself is not enough unless you feel or sense, or even know, that your wife is enjoying keeping you denied.
Jane will never discuss such issues and has struggled with the whole concept of denial. Like you, I did wonder if Jane didn't like to deny me bnecause she felt that every touch or embrace thereafter would have to result in some sort of sexual activity or release.
I think we are getting over that one, as I am showing and proving to her that denial doesn't lead to an iincrease in my frustration resulting in me pestering her for sex, or sexual contact.
In fact propably the opposite. Denied I crave stimulation, contact, giving her what she wants, but still prefer her to keep me denied and under her spell.
If you can't, or you wife won't discuss how she is feeling, and it would be nice to know, then given time your wife will hopefully learn from experience just how much she can control things and not be obliged to do anything more or often than she wants to.
Thanks for the report. Seems similar here, in that when I don't cum, Wife sees me as 'obsessed' with sex, and also doesn't want to discuss all the time, like you're experiencing.
Good luck to us all!
AaT - I do hope over time that it becomes more and more commonplace, she'll grow into the role so to speak. We are still very early in the process, even though in my head its been going on for a year at least.
Weave - Definitely good luck to you too. It's taken a long time for me to get to this point, so keeping the faith is necessary.
I think that she will not change greatly, if at all. Some women are not very interested in male fantasies. I have been dealing with this issue since this post on my blog http://hersforever.blogspot.com/2009_04_01_archive.html, and several times subsequently.
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